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Over sensitive or just annoying FIL

(9 Posts)
Charecter20 Thu 08-Aug-19 06:42:38

I’m 8 days PN from my first baby. I hadn’t even left the hospital yet and my FIL was asking me when I’m going back to work. I work in a busy London hospital. Shift work, nights and weekends. I explained maternity leave many times whilst pregnant and said not for Atleast 6 months each time. But every time he asks he has a go about earning my own money and going back.

I don’t live off my partner. We both work full time. Have a joint mortgage etc but none of that is his business anyway. It just winds me up how he thinks I should put my baby in a nursery at a few days old to go back to work. It’s all he goes on about. He’s not old either late 50s but has a odd outlook on things and if you question it he has a go and gets annoyed and makes out you’re the problem. But if you don’t he just goes on and on. It’s getting to the point I don’t want to see them at all. He made a comment the other day which he keeps repeating about how having a ginger baby would be awful. Full well knowing I’m a red head and so is pretty much my whole family and the baby probably will be too. When I said I wouldn’t care what colour hair the baby has asking as it’s healthy he glared at me. I don’t know if it’s just me or is this not normal behaviour?

My partner is used to it but agrees with me it’s strange but says he’s always been that way and to ignore it. But I don’t want my baby around attitude like that. Or Am I being sensitive

Threnody Tue 17-Sep-19 13:43:02

I hope you are doing well, and FIL has shut up by now. You are not over-sensitive, FIL is clearly stupid if he doesn't understand the concept of maternity leave.

Ohyesiam Tue 17-Sep-19 13:49:26

You’re not being too sensitive, he’s being insensitive at best.

Congratulations btw

TheRoyalCorgi Tue 17-Sep-19 13:50:08

Tell him you can’t go back to work yet because of the birth and start talking about the worst birth ever - blood, vaginal tearing, burning when you wee. Say vaginal a lot. When he says he doesn’t want to hear it, say you don’t want to hear his judgement but here we are!

Rachelover60 Tue 17-Sep-19 13:57:11

Your father in law is a prat.

Will you please tell him that you will return to work when you're good and ready, at the moment you are on maternity leave, and that it is none of his business.

I'm surprised your husband doesn't say anything to him but you say he is used to it. I do hope the father in law has some positive attributes.

TheRoyalCorgi
Tell him you can’t go back to work yet because of the birth and start talking about the worst birth ever - blood, vaginal tearing, burning when you wee. Say vaginal a lot. When he says he doesn’t want to hear it, say you don’t want to hear his judgement but here we are!
----

What an excellent post :-) !

Hidingtonothing Tue 17-Sep-19 13:58:45

Oh please do what TheRoyalCorgi says OP, sure to shut him up grin

justilou1 Tue 17-Sep-19 14:04:20

I think it’s time to ask your father in law if he has booked in for dementia testing yet... every time he’s seen you he’s asked you the same question, and yet he can’t seem to remember the answer. Clearly the poor dear’s having problems with his memory. He’s also having problems reading non-verbal cues, and displaying behaviours others would consider embarrassing or distasteful, such as making disparaging comments about ginger babies.

ThumbWitchesAbroad Tue 17-Sep-19 14:07:55

He's a fuckwit.
Tell him that it's none of his business and if he's that bothered by a ginger haired baby then you'll be quite happy if he never comes by to see it as neither of you want to see someone so bigoted, thanks.

My MIL had red hair and even she was fucking biased about having a ginger baby - she told me that she'd said when she was having hers "If it's ginger, put it back!". Stupid.

"Luckily" (not to me) neither of my DC have ginger hair, despite me also having strawberry blonde hair - but I'd have loved to have one that did. Still at least I didn't have to put up with stupid bigotry and I'm sorry that you've got such a stupid FIL twatting on in your ear.

I'd refuse to see him again, in all honesty, until he could mind his fucking manners.

5zeds Wed 18-Sep-19 15:02:32

You’re allowed to be equally rude to him.

“Shut the fuckup”
Should cover both scenarios.

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