4 children and I’m emotionally exhausted

[Keykeche]

Hello ladies.

All of the people I know think that I have a perfect life.
I have 3 wonderful, healthy children, plus my husband’s son, who stays with us during summer holidays.
Boys are 11,10 and 9, and a girl is 3.

I’m 90% SAHM, plus I help my husband with his business.

Boys are smart, they listen and help out with all the chores, look after their little sister. And generally are great kids.
The girl, after a very difficult (nightmarish) 2,5 years starts to be nice to be with.
I have help 2 days a week.
I get to go to a manicure twice a month. Hubby lets me have a lie in in the mornings.
Due to my job once every two months I go with my hubby abroad up to one week (so I get to change the scenery).
Husband is the best dad and hubby you can wish for.
We are not millionaires, but hubby has a good job. With 4 kids we do not get saving up anything much, but we have a life where I don’t have to worry about bills. (It wasn’t like this always and we had very, very difficult few years).

So, picture perfect life. And I am very greatfull for all I have. And I love my family and am immensely proud of my boys.

But I just can’t shift that feeling of being fed up
of the responsibility of being a mother and that all our life, work, free time revolves around the kids and their needs.
I feel resentful of not having a freedom to do things on a whim, to go somewhere (out, day trip, weekend), to buy things I want, not the things to accommodate kids needs (forget about white sofas). I feel, that all the money we earn goes towards them. Endless new clothes, sport activities, cleaner (I’m sorry, but if I wouldn’t have help twice a week I’d go insane), endless food shopping - feeding 3 pre teenage boys is challenging... Basically we have a nice life, but I feel that we live and do things for the kids.
I guess I’m jealous for my single / kid free friends,
who can blow their hard earned cash on themselves, who can take holidays (that’s the thing we can’t do, as its way too expensive for us), who can go shopping for the whole set of clothes, instead of buying jeans, because old ones have a hole in them. I can not allow myself even get drunk, as at 34 I feel it next day, and the day after next, and kids and chores are still there.

I’m tired of emotional challenge to get my kids to be happy and successful adults.
And that involves daily doing things I sometimes
don’t want to.
I do sports with them, teach oldest German (he starts a news school in September and is one year behind on the program).
I make sure I don’t snap, I’m patient, can be strict when needed, but never cruel. Endless hugs and kisses and prioritising their needs before mine. Meaning watching Transformers with them and cuddling in the evening, because a moment will come, when they won’t need their mum that much.
I’m feeling as my day is an endless cycle of washing, cooking, sorting their arguments, tending to their needs, being a cook, a cleaner, a doctor, a psychologist, a maid.
I know, that it pays off... I really have a fantastic relationship with all the children and they are the best kids in the world. They love me, respect me and trust me.

But I just want to escape.

Recently me and hubby had a night away from them and I didn’t want to come home...

I’m probably just a selfish brat.... I have everything anyone could with for.

What’s wrong with me?

[DustyDoorframes]

Nothing is wrong with you- as you say, you are emotionally exhausted.
You need to put your own oxygen mask on first. You might have some complicated feelings about how tough the last few years have been, and you might need to process those feelings.
You will get through it! But not if you ignore it and beat yourself up for having a perfect life and not appreciating it.

[Travelban]

I have four children and I know have a full time job and frankly working makes it more exhausting but I feel life is less of a drag. Maybe working in some form might change the way you feel?

It's been hard for us over the years with no family help but when I had stints of not working I definitely felt more like you describe...

[NameChangerAmI]

How have you been, OP?

I'm now looking forward to getting back into the routine of school, though not rushing around in the mornings.