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Large family pregnant with 6th please help(11 Posts)
Hi, this is a long! Hope it makes sense, I’m at my wits end, so I’ll be 38 if this baby is born, meaning I’m like literally so old to be doing this again, I’ve 5 kids, from a lazy 18 year old, 14, 14, 8, 7. This wasn’t planned in fact hubby was meant to be having the snip, but the system here is shitty, they call and ask for you to come in next day !! Which obv he couldn’t do! So we obv decided a long time ago that we def had enough kids! I mean life’s so stressful at times, so many kids, so many different dramas that go with each one 🙄 we even moved a year ago, away from everyone because it’s cheaper here, so we could get rid off our Mortage! But this house is too small for us!! We’ve still got like 14k debt which will hopefully be gone soon, I’ve got a job finally!! Which I start next week! I’ve never really worked that much because it just made sense I’m home and cheaper! But we are just starting to get life back on track, we can leave the house, leave the younger ones with my older lot 👏, I’ve not really got any friends where I am now, & don’t seem to meet anyone, most people I meet, I already know I’m too crazy or different to them. I’ve only told a few people who are all quite sensible, one or two kids, I’ve 5 😂
Anyway I’ve known for a few weeks, and on Wednesday I’m expecting to go to hospital and end this pregnancy. I feel distraught over the whole thing. But I know deep down it’s the right decision especially for the family that I have! We’re pretty skint, don’t receive any help, and never will, not that any money unless rich would be enough!
My husband obviously doesn’t want it, neither do I? So why am I even questioning it? Tomorrow I have to turn up on my own, hoping that I’m gonna make the right call.
But is it right??!
My husband I love so much he really is my life we’ve been together 19 years & been through some crap!
I’ve been drinking & smoking with the intention of termination (please no negative comments I’m not 12) but now I’m like should I just keep it? I mean I know we could make it work? But at what cost?
I know that no one can tell me what to do, & that it’s my decision which is making it so hard! Usually it’s just our decision or family choice!!
My pregnancies have all been ok I guess no real complications births all ok, all vaginal.
I’m just worried I’m gonna make the wrong choice? I’m crying my eyes out as I type, because everyone is just like yeah get rid, like it’s so easy! Not any of my pregnancies tbh anyone’s ever actually been happy for us really, everyone looks at us like we’re freaks 😂😂 but we’re just a normal but crazy working family .
I’m not sure I’d cope with the sleepless nights, I’ve no baby things so would need to buy all over again? Do we really need this for another 20 years!! But next time I’ll be almost 60!!!
I know my hubby will go along with whatever I choose but I know he thinks end and I know that’s what I should do. It just is the hardest choice ever! The waiting for the appointments of it all has been almost 4 weeks! I had a scan but didn’t look, she said only 5 weeks, that was last week, however my last period was May 19th so slightly confused over that? But I was on the pill, but I’m assuming maybe ovulation changed or whatever?
I just don’t know what to do 🤷♀️ What if I go tomorrow and back out ? Would that be my worst decision ever??! I knew this would happen it’s all the hormones making me think I can do this! Do we really wanna struggle for money? I can’t get my kids half the stuff there mates have, or go on fancy holiday or anything really? Seems stupid to make more financial strain on them & us?
Anyway any advice or experience will be much appreciated. Xxx
Thanks so much
If it helps, in your situation with a large family with most of the kids older already, I’d probably choose to end the pregnancy too. Good luck whatever you decide x
How can you know what is the right thing to do? But you must do the best thing for you and your family.
For what it’s worth, I would think very few people would criticise you for terminating in your circumstances.
If the pregnancy is only measuring 5 weeks you've a little time to take stock, and in fact you may be miscarrying already if you got the positive test 4 weeks ago.
BPAS, among others, offer free, non judgemental counselling, i'd ring them first thing tomorrow. You need to be comfortable with your decision.
I had a termination last week of what would have been my 5th baby so I 100% understand your reasons. I also had moments where I thought about not going through with it, that we could make it work etc. The biggest thing that kept me going is the realisation that each year I am getting more and more time to myself back and how it's getting easier and easier.
I don't regret my decision at all now but it is entirely up to you. Only you can weigh up the choice. Good luck xx
On OP, my heart massively goes out to you.
It's so tough being left to wrestle with this.
In your circumstances I don't think I would carry on with the pregnancy.
I have 3 children and had a termination after my 1st child.
I have regretted it but it was the right thing at the time.
I since went on to have 2 more children and definitely couldn't have any more now.
Wishing you strength to make the decision that is right for you and your family.
First I want to says think you are amazing, you really are. You've done everything to make your lives better.
I've got 6 children. I had my first 3 in my 20's (21 with the first), and like you I've been with my husband for 20years.
I found out I was pregnant in 2012, and it was not a good time- I'd literally handed my notice in & was starting a new job!
I went ahead with a termination knowing it was for the best- financially- for the 3 children we had.
I found it hard. I can't lie.
One year later I had my 4th, then, after moving, I had 5, then 6!
I can't say if I'd have had so many if I'd not doubted the termination, but I seriously think it made my husband & I feel differently about it.
I've had other stuff happen too & would happily speak to you via private message, but just remember- it's your body, your decision, you have to do what's right for all of you xx
I really feel for you having to make this decision but as you are so ver early in the pregnancy, if it were me I would decide based on what’s better for my existing family.
You sound like you need your dh to go with you for support.
It's the least he can do.
I hope things work out for you.
What did u end up doing? Im 39 and pregnant with my 6th we desided to go ahead and have this baby,think it takes time to get over the shock,i know time isnt on your side when making a choice like that as its best to terminate early as pos.hope your doing ok with whatever choice u made x