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3 children by 3 different dads ???

(37 Posts)
Thefamilythatmadelifeperfect Mon 01-Jul-19 12:25:29

Is 3 children by 3 different dads bad??
I have this horrible feeling about being judged...
I have 2 boys by 2 different dads currently.
My oldest son i had when I was 21 and we was with each other for 4 years and it just didnt work we was young.
My 2nd son I had 3 years ago he is such a little terror but wouldnt change him. I met his dad and we was together for 10months when I found out I was pregnant even though I was on the pill we agreed to keep him and stayed together for 4 years but we argued constantly and if it wasnt going his way he would ignore me until I agreed with him or done what he wanted. So that ended.
I met my partner who I'm with now and omg I've never felt love like it he is my world and I couldnt ever see my self not being with him.. we had a chat about having a child of our own and originally I said 3 years time. He hasnt got any of his own and adores my boys but he would like his own.
I just worry what peoples view will be on this??, how I will look with 3 children with different dads??? Also we have been together a year ?? Should I just not care what people think and do what makes me happy?? Or should I worry???
Advice no nasty comments.

Tweetingmagpie Tue 27-Aug-19 13:34:47

If you have your own money and house then I wouldn’t advise you to get married to someone you’ve been with w year when you have older children to think about, there’s plenty of time to get married in the future when you’ve been together for a few years.

I think you know if this person is right for you and your family or not, I’d go by your gut instinct. Some people may judge but I don’t think that should bother you, and tbh most people won’t know anyway.

Gin96 Wed 07-Aug-19 11:36:17

I wouldn’t worry about general people judging you, they don’t live your life, what you do won’t effect them and what they do won’t effect you. The only people who are important are you and and your 2 children and maybe your partner if he shows after time he is worth caring about. If it doesn’t work out with your partner and you are left on your own with 3 children will you cope? That’s the question you need to ask yourself, as no relationship is a guarantee of staying together and living happily ever after i’m afraid

Hannahlouise4026 Tue 06-Aug-19 13:33:19

Please wait! I’m not sure on your ages. It having a baby after only a year with someone imo isn’t a great idea. I was with my now husband for almost 10 years before having our first, we were both ready before this in terms of being financially secure and truly in love, but wanted to enjoy being together.

louise5754 Wed 03-Jul-19 18:02:56

@Bluerussian how rude

Bluerussian Wed 03-Jul-19 00:29:10

Interesting family you have, louise.

P1nkHeartLovesCake Tue 02-Jul-19 11:13:21

Well it’s not ideal is it? 3 children, 3 dad’s. I mean you can have a relationship without having a child by them.

Is this relationship actually stable? Saying well his good with mine and would like his own, isn’t reason enough to have another child.

Also people that say met my partner who I'm with now and omg I've never felt love like it he is my world are normally the relationships that fail it’s the whole “never felt love like it” your what a year in.....

louise5754 Tue 02-Jul-19 11:05:19

My cousin has3 kids with3 men. She is pregnant with her 4th. All under 7 too so not the same circumstances as yours. The eldest doesn't see her dad.

My brother in law also has 4 kids with 4 different women. He only sees 2 of them.

Monday55 Tue 02-Jul-19 10:38:21

Ofcourse people will judge, just refrain from telling people your business.

BerylCrow Mon 01-Jul-19 17:44:09

My DP is part of a 4 x 4 sibling group, and actually he does 'judge' his mother in the sense that he obviously has an opinion on it, and feelings about it, and has been affected by it.

As adults the siblings rarely see each other. It all got too complicated and messy. He finds his mother to be self-absorbed. He is a hurt bloke.

So I think if you talk to or read about older children of 3x3s or 4x4s who were brought up in non-celebrity circumstances, you might get an idea of some of the risks to the children. Currently you only seem conscious of the risks to yourself.

OralBElectricToothbrush Mon 01-Jul-19 17:13:13

It doesn't sound the stablest, either, you work PT, you are privately renting, you're not married to your partner, you've only been together a year and you've already moved him in with your kids.

AllFourOfThem Mon 01-Jul-19 16:14:39

I think some PP are being deliberately obtuse about high earning and part time carer going together. It’s subjective and if the OP feels that salary is high earning then perhaps it’s because of her family or social circle that she is comparing it to.

I wouldn’t judge someone who had three children with three different fathers but I would if those children were not prioritised and well cared for in all respects.

HavelockVetinari Mon 01-Jul-19 16:06:46

Oof, you need to slow right down for your existing children's sakes. You've been in a relationship less than a year but you've already moved him in with your DC and are planning another baby?!

KennDodd Mon 01-Jul-19 15:59:26

I'm a little bit confused by this. You say you earn very good money and are a part time carer. Do you mean you're a part time carer for a family member and have a high earning job doing something else?

HoobleDooble Mon 01-Jul-19 15:58:29

I have a friend who, between her and her husband, have 4 kids with different parentage. She had her first when she was 16, the father was never involved, her second was with her first husband 10 years later, her current husband has a son from his first marriage, and they have a son together.

With the exception of her step son, I've known them all from being babies, their youngest is now 21, all 4 have good jobs, 2 are happily married with kids of their own and I can honestly say they are some of the nicest, most polite people you could wish to meet.

Anyone who judges her needs to look at the amazing job she's done of raising these adults.

cocomelon23 Mon 01-Jul-19 15:56:01

I was going to ask that question too. How do you earn good money as a part time carer?

BlueJag Mon 01-Jul-19 15:53:30

I'll do things differently this time. Wait get married and see how you both feel about having children in the future.
I'm in a similar situation had one child didn't get married. Then I got married had 2 kids then divorced. At 21 I meet my second husband we welcomed our only son after 16 years together. We've been very happy for 30 years.
People will always judge but for me was about making better choices. I didn't want to carry on having children with different men until I was sure.

Graphista Mon 01-Jul-19 15:45:05

Honestly? Yes I would judge, especially with relatively small gaps between the children.

I think you've been irresponsible moving him in so soon.

The first year to 18 months you're in the rose tinted, honeymoon phase of a relationship, I wouldn't advise anyone moving in together earlier than 2 years together and especially when there are children already involved.

You need to stop prioritising your love life over your kids.

And thinking you need to have a baby with every "serious" partner.

Quite honestly with kids in the mix at a year in they should just be getting to know him and you should be keeping an eye out for what his faults are and if they're deal breakers or not and he should be doing the same with you.

Are you very young? You sound young.

Seriously all way too much too soon. Double up on contraception and be fastidious if you're on the pill.

The last thing needed here right now is another child!

Also if you think marriage is "just a piece of paper" you're incredibly naive and need to educate yourself. Marriage is a legal contact that covers rights and responsibilities on the parties in it.

As for you thinking your home is secure because landlady is a friend - again incredibly naive. You have a rental contract I hope? Even if you do that is not guaranteed secure housing.

Sounds to me like you've a lot of growing up and learning to do.

SwishSwishSheesh Mon 01-Jul-19 15:31:57

Of course people will judge. They're judging you now for having two children by two different dads and getting together with another bloke. Shouldn't stop you though if that's what you really want. People will always judge, anyone for anything really.

Unrelated question if I may, how do you manage to get really good money for being a part-time carer?

GlitchStitch Mon 01-Jul-19 15:23:27

I think you need to slow down, he shouldn't even be living with you at this stage. From your timeline you got with him immediately after your last relationship ended. How about giving your kids a bit of stability for a while instead?

Thefamilythatmadelifeperfect Mon 01-Jul-19 15:06:25

Think people are getting confused with what I'm saying.. just wondered if even after 3 years are people gonna have this opinion? Not saying we planning one now

DC90 Mon 01-Jul-19 15:04:48

FriarTuck
I agree! Been together less than a year and he has moved in and wanting a baby... Seriously OP I'm not trying to patronize you but you seem a bit codependent. There doesnt seem to be much of a gap between partners either and you are rushing in to big commitments. Take things slow. Focus on your sons and create a lovely wee family the four of you. By all means revisit the baby thing in 3 years if you and him are still going strong and the family unit can handle the huge change but not before then!

SweetMelodies Mon 01-Jul-19 14:56:36

3 year plan is good, I think now would be too soon.

sneakypinky Mon 01-Jul-19 14:56:13

Only have a child with him now if you would be perfectly happy to be a single mother of 3 children.

1 year is not long enough at all to decide to have a child together. Especially if you have other children.

FriarTuck Mon 01-Jul-19 14:55:57

You've been with him just a year but are already living with him despite the fact that you have 2 young children who are going to be getting confused by the changes in their lives? hmm You need to slow right down for their sake.....

OralBElectricToothbrush Mon 01-Jul-19 14:55:49

A will is a 'piece of paper', so is a degree certificate, a passport, a Power of Attorney document. Marriage has very important legal ramifications. Most people do not marry and divorce 'lots of times' either hmm.

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