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Partner staying at his mum's after baby?

(5 Posts)
sb3108 Sat 29-Jun-19 09:34:35

Hi there. I have 14 year old twins and I'm now pregnant with a little girl to a new partner. My partner lives with me and he also has a little boy that's 4 that he has one night a week. My partner has had lot of trouble getting access and had to take his ex to court for this. The problem is that when he has his child for the weekend he stays at his mum's. There was a couple to reasons for this. His child was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum and he thought the change in where he stayed might be hard for him. His ex also implied that it was part of the court order that he stayed at his mum's. We have since had this clarified that the court is happy for him to stay elsewhere as long as he's with his dad. I am due this little baby in October and would really like to start integrating his little.boy into staying at our house with my kids and the baby when she is here so we are all together. My partner seems to want to still go to his mum's once a week when he has his little one and I'm not feeling very comfortable about this. I will have my baby from a c section so I'm worried about coping the nights he is away although I will have my twins with me. I'm just looking for some advice really to whether I'm being unreasonable or if anyone has any ideas how to make the stay for his wee one to mine easier? Sorry for long post just wanted to explain. Thanks

Ayemama Thu 18-Jul-19 20:53:39

I do think this is a little odd, have you met his 4yo? Has he ever been to your house?
I understand if he is on the spectrum that suddenly changing things could be very traumatic for him but if the introduction was done slowly and gently then it certainly should be possible.
That said changing it all when he's about to have to learn to share his dad may be bad timing.
I do understand your worries though.
I had a Csections with both of my DC and my DH wanted to leave me alone 5 nights after the op to take his two older sons home so that they could spend the whole day with us and I was terrified by this idea as my oldest at the time wasn't even 2 and I couldn't lift her in and out of her cot.
Even without this I would be worried.
Spell out your worries to your DH, they sometimes just don't think things through properly.
I do think he will need to make other arrangements for the first weekend as there is no guarantee as to how quickly and well you will heal.
Hoping all the best for you and your little girl.

sb3108 Thu 18-Jul-19 21:21:55

Thank you so much for replying. Its been praying on my mind a lot. I've known his little boy for over a year and half now and I see him every single time my partner has him so he's very comfortable with me and he comes to my house often to play and for dinner. He's comfortable enough to be alone with me and I just adore him so that's not the issue. Just feeling a bit put out that we can't all be together and it also let's wee one bond with the baby.

Ayemama Thu 18-Jul-19 22:42:25

I totally understand where you are coming from. I agree that it's important you can all develop a strong bond as a family as that is what you are.
You certainly don't want his little boy to feel left out.

GreenTulips Thu 18-Jul-19 22:47:13

Can he have his own room?

Can you make it to his taste?

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