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Experiences with having 5 children

(45 Posts)
MakeMineADouble81 Wed 10-Apr-19 16:32:44

I have 4 DC ages 7,5,3 and 6 mths. I love having 4 so much that I am considering a 5th. I am 37 so time is not on my side and will need to TTC sooner rather than later if we decide to go ahead. What are people's experience with having 5 children both negative and positive?

Thanks in advance!!

Bigfathairyones Wed 10-Apr-19 16:34:28

I only have 3 and now that mine are all teenage, the costs have just shot through the roof, even more so than before. Be realistic as to how much money you would need to feed, clothe, school trip, Uni fees (if relevant) etc. 6 adults costs.

MakeMineADouble81 Wed 10-Apr-19 16:38:48

Thanks for your response. Luckily, money is not an issue. Although I do know circumstances can change so I'm definitely considering the financial side of things!!

clarrylove Wed 10-Apr-19 16:40:01

My friend did this, she ended up with a multiple pregnancy as I believe that is more common as you get older. Would that be OK?

Bigfathairyones Wed 10-Apr-19 16:44:34

OP I'd say go for it then. If I could have afforded it I would have had 4. x

CarmineStarman Sat 13-Apr-19 18:13:12

OP, I have 5DC (3 step DC who we have full time and then younger twins). Ages 8,7,4, 9months, 9 months. (I'm 44, btw) It is very busy around here and you need to be quite organised to ensure that everything is done on time but if you have the money to provide for it then it's definitely manageable. Had I not had step DC, I would not have had so many of my own but I love things the way they are.

It's worth pointing out that my job allows me to work at home a lot during school holidays, else we'd have far more outgoing expenses and would probably be far less happy.grin

CarmineStarman Sat 13-Apr-19 18:14:46

(I'm 44 btw)
Meant to say 43, getting ahead of myself here

NoShitHemlock Sat 13-Apr-19 18:32:06

I am the eldest of 5 (just for a different perspective).

Some of the bad points: lots and lots of arguments (that's my shirt / bike / cup etc etc); hand me downs (but not to me grin )

Some of the good points: there is always a mediator (you wouldnt get that with just 2); instant best friends; always someone to play with; as you get older there is always someone to go to the pub/club/cinema with

Now I am all growed up (50 is the next biggie) and we all have our own lives, some of our best times are when we are together with our partners and kids.

If you want another one OP, then you should have one - there is always enough love to go around smile

Soontobe60 Sat 13-Apr-19 18:39:54

I, in the other hand, am one of 5 children with similar age gaps as yours. I am the middle child.
As a direct result of my family, I decided to have no more than 2 children. My parents could manage really well with us, but looking back I could see that they never had time for themselves although none of us were any trouble really.
I just grew up feeling that my parents didn't have time for us as individuals. Having lot some of money doesn't alter that. Time isn't something that you can buy more of.
I also honestly believe that we shouldn't be producing more than one child per person as the planet is already struggling to sustain its current population. Again, that's not something money can buy your way out of. You've got 4 children, you're happy, they are happy, stick with that.

Needadvices Sat 13-Apr-19 18:44:33

I would say if you have 4 a fifth wont male a huge difference 😉

MakeMineADouble81 Sat 13-Apr-19 19:39:29

Thanks for all the responses, I really appreciate the different perspectives.

MakeMineADouble81 Sat 13-Apr-19 19:48:56

My DH is one of 6 and loved being part of a big family. Some of his siblings have followed suit while others have stuck with 1 child. I think it's personality dependant. I agree that individual one on one time should be a factor for consideration though.

As far as population control, I am hopefully producing tax paying citizens who will help shoulder the economic burden of our aging population.

MakeMineADouble81 Sat 13-Apr-19 19:50:19

Sorry I was trying to reply to Soontobe60's comment!!

CanAnyMother Sat 13-Apr-19 19:53:06

OP - slightly off topic but how do you manage to have time with the MM as individuals? I have two, always wanted four, now scared about trying for another because I am already worried about not having enough time for them, myself and my partner. We are in the fortunate position of being able to afford help, but nonetheless as pp said - it doesn’t buy more time!

Would love to know how people do it.

Soontobe60 Sun 14-Apr-19 07:45:48

OP, my sister also had 5 children, whilst my eldest sister only had 2, and my brothers had 1 and 0 children. Interestingly the sister with 5 has a totally different perspective on her childhood than me!

My point on having fewer children isn't about financial costs, it's about the cost placed on the planet in terms of resources: food production, CO2 emissions, dealing with waste we all generate. If each of my siblings had replicated our family and so on down the generations, in 2 more generations this would produce 155 offspring over a very short time.
I know it's easy for me to be so 'eco warrior' about this as I have only got 2 children and my sister with 5 children has a totally different viewpoint. Having children is usually a very considered emotional decision to make.

Frazzled2207 Sun 14-Apr-19 08:10:59

I'm with @Soontobe60 I'm afraid. In this day and age having lots of children is environmentally pretty irresponsible. I have 2 and DH and I struggle a bit with that tbh but at least we're not leaving the planet with more people than ourselves. Obviously people are allowed to have as many children as they want but please do consider the environmental argument.

Each of your children will most likely drive a car, eat a LOT of food in their lifetime (which will become more and more scarce btw), use up an enormous amount of resources generally. The carbon footprint of every single individual living in the developed nations is staggering.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/jun/20/give-up-having-children-couples-save-planet-climate-crisis?CMP=ShareiOSAppp_Other

Frazzled2207 Sun 14-Apr-19 08:12:39

Btw the comments in that article are at the "extreme" end of things and I don't necessarily agree with them but its a good article just to explain the point I'm making

Ohfuhfoxsake Sun 14-Apr-19 08:25:48

I have four and would have had a fifth. But I’m now glad I didn’t.

But the PP who said about costs shooting up is absolutely right. Mine are 11 - 17 and I am constantly shelling out, activities, food (dear god, the food bill!) We’ve got to a point where we have years of big exams, studying, girlfriends, boyfriends, going out, staying out, drinking, learning to drive, getting jobs, all whilst making decisions about subjects, colleges, universities, or working.

The practicalities of post-puberty children have hit me hard. But I am a single parent now, and it’s tough.

I got a dog instead.

Ohfuhfoxsake Sun 14-Apr-19 08:30:04

And there’s never just the five of us. There’s usually an extra one or two. I have an extra four this evening for dinner. Most weekends there’s between 1-4 extra people sleeping over.

DaphneduM Sun 14-Apr-19 08:34:47

I would imagine you will go ahead. However you're at the 'easy' stage with your children at present at they're all under ten. Good luck with the teenage years. I echo other posters, however, personally I find it totally irresponsible to have that many children these days. Your financial circumstances are irrelevant, the cost to the planet isn't.

stucknoue Sun 14-Apr-19 08:36:10

Remember they will all need university costs paid! Even if money is ok now, circumstances change so unless you are sitting on a multi million pound trust fund I hope you have very good insurance. H's leave u expectedly because they "want other things" people get sick, ... don't want to sound negative but 4 is a lot of kids already for the planet.

Ohfuhfoxsake Sun 14-Apr-19 08:41:19

I should add I really love it, but I just never imagined it.

I thought, by having four close together, I was getting the hard bit out of the way <hollow laugh> .

TrySinging Sun 14-Apr-19 08:46:15

We have 5 DC (17,14, 12, 9, 5). Personally, it's too hard! grin Although our 5th DC is really pretty easy going, going from 4 to 5 was the straw that broke the camel's back for me, in terms of being able to keep on top of everything and also my body recovering. She also ends up being left out as DC1 and 2 pair up and so do 3 and 4. None of our DC have any health issues, but I lived in fear during my pregnancy with DC5 as I felt like I was gilding the lily.

Apparentlychilled Sun 14-Apr-19 08:47:18

I'm the 3rd of 5 and we are all very close in age (biggest gap is under 2 years). Even though money wasn't a concern and my parents had lots of help, I was very aware that there wasn't really much time for my parents to spend with each of us, unless there was some kind of crisis. Of the 5 of us, none of us have more than 3 kids. In your situation, I'd get a dog.

TeddyIsaHe Sun 14-Apr-19 08:51:50

In 10 years time there is going to be catastrophic damage to the planet if we don’t do something radical and very soon. Do you really want to be adding another child into the mix? How are you going to manage becoming as carbon neutral as possible in the mean time?

This isn’t scaremongering btw, there’s a comprehensive report www.ipcc.ch/ here. Read this before you even consider burdening the planet with anymore children. Think of the kids you already have, surely you want them to be able to grow and flourish into tax paying citizens? They can’t do that if they don’t have a planet to live on.

TrySinging Sun 14-Apr-19 08:53:20

Would also like to say that I wish people going on about the planet would just piss off. They must all live perfect, guilt-free existences, leaving no carbon footprint behind them and all have sizeable private pensions hmm. I will concede the time thing though. There really isn't enough time to go round, unless you are willing to give up pursuing any personal interests.

TrySinging Sun 14-Apr-19 08:53:56

Delightful cross post. smile

TeddyIsaHe Sun 14-Apr-19 08:57:30

Yes, wonderful. Your naivety is astounding. Read the IPCC report and then see whether you think it’s something not to worry about.

It’s your kid’s lives you’re jeopardising at the end of the day. Carry on if you will, but it won’t be long until you realise how much you wished you’d listened.

Frazzled2207 Sun 14-Apr-19 09:05:11

@TrySinging I most definitely do not have a guilt free existence or fat private pension. I try my best to limit my carbon footprint but its pretty tough going with two children.

Within the next few years we will all have to start living our lives very differently and I don't mean by "just" driving electric cars. The sooner we all come to realise this the more hope there is for all of us(as there currently isn't very much at all).

TrySinging Sun 14-Apr-19 09:10:07

@Frazzled2207 Gosh, if you feel so strongly about it, why did you contribute to the problem and have 2 DC then? Or have you decreed that that having 2 DC is perfectly fine but more than that is Bad?

Mummyshark2018 Sun 14-Apr-19 09:18:55

I'm one of 5 and although I love my siblings and we were well cared for I do think that with a bigger family comes sacrifices. For example I had to give up a hobby that I was quite talented in when my youngest sibling came along because my mum couldn't take me to the shows etc. I don't feel that we had 1:1 parent time either and although I have a great relationship with my parents one of my siblings (middle child) felt very overlooked growing up.

AIBUtopickanyoldname Sun 14-Apr-19 09:21:30

Honestly the only thing that would hold me back is the idea that the fifth child might not be healthy or NT. Having a child with a physical disability or a SEN would completely change the dynamic of our whole family and as awful as it sounds, I think it would make me wish I hadn’t done it. We have been so incredibly lucky - I wouldn’t want to push it.

Frazzled2207 Sun 14-Apr-19 09:26:13

@TrySinging neither. I have only realised recently how f*cked we are. Am not saying that if I'd known then what I know now I wouldn't have had them but my dh would.

Cornishclio Sun 14-Apr-19 10:14:40

I was one of three and had two children. Never wanted any more but a friend of mine was one of 8 and a work colleague 1 of 6. Both the eldest children in those families had to help a lot with the younger ones and felt very resentful and blamed their parents. I don't know how people manage with more than two children to give them individual attention and provide financially for them and have some time for yourself and your partner/hobbies/work etc. There is simply not enough time to fit everything in. Also as they get to adults how would you be able to help with childcare or grandchildren etc. Common sense would say the numbers would increase exponentially.

WingBingo Sun 14-Apr-19 10:15:40

Sorry but I’m with @Soontobe60 too.

There are three main things we can do for our planet.

Turn your heating down, don’t fly and don’t have more than 2 offspring.

Taxes won’t help the planet.

TrySinging Sun 14-Apr-19 10:28:24

Have I missed something? People who are preaching about overpopulation, why do you get to decide how many children is 'allowed'? If you're that concerned about it, why did you have any at all?

TrySinging Sun 14-Apr-19 10:41:22

FWIW, as a family, we are very ecologically aware and as anyone with school age DC will know, this generation are being educated differently about this subject and know their stuff - my young DC often challenge my thinking on various points. These are the young bright minds who are going to be employed in these areas and paying taxes to fund it.

TeddyIsaHe Sun 14-Apr-19 11:07:35

I suppose some people may not have known how serious climate change is before they had kids. You can’t very well send them back! But encouraging someone to have a fifth child is ridiculous, there is no need apart from a selfish want. Better to stop and give the kids you have the best life you can, which involves being very environmentally aware right now.

WingBingo Sun 14-Apr-19 11:50:30

The over population thing is about 2 adults = 2 children. Any more and the population of the planet is growing.

BirthdayKake Mon 15-Apr-19 14:00:50

Hi OP.

I'm 27 weeks pregnant with number 5 and even though I have quite bad anxiety some days, I'm not particularly worried about how difficult it will be with one more smile

I've always tried to raise independent children, especially when I find out I'm pregnant again. My DC help in the house and with the pets and sometimes with each other.

When the baby is born, my four will be (almost) 11, 8, 6 and 3. This is the first baby with my husband so I'm not ruling out a sixth, if we can create another bedroom somewhere.

MakeMineADouble81 Mon 15-Apr-19 14:24:32

Thanks to all who responded. Some interesting perspectives/thoughts.

Congrats on your pregnancy BirthdayKake, hope all goes great for you.

BirthdayKake Mon 15-Apr-19 14:30:48

Thank you! Same to you, if you decide to go for it smile

Maria5kids Fri 26-Apr-19 09:28:48

I have 5 and am a single mum too. There are moments when it's great lol! I wouldn't change it for the world. I get loads of guilt moments, but recently got my head around gulit doesn't change anything, I've got what I've got a lovely family. Xxx

TwitterQueen1 Fri 26-Apr-19 09:38:47

...there is always enough love to go around No. Not always.
I'm the eldest of 5 and I was very lonely and determined I would never have a large family because I wasn't cared for or loved. I was made to be the 'standy-by' babysitter and moderator when I was too young and alienated my siblings by being the one who tried to keep order. They resented it and it has affected my relationship with them throughout my life.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis Thu 09-May-19 21:12:58

I have 5 and it suits us.

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