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Find out all about large family cars, holidays and more right here.

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Find out all about large family cars, holidays and more right here.

Larger families

Why are 4 kids easier than 3?

30 replies

Likeagibbon · 05/04/2019 13:18

We are currently ttc #4 and have seen several threads where people have said going from 3-4 kids is easier than 2-3. I was just wondering for what reasons is it easier adding more kids into the mix?

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OhioOhioOhio · 05/04/2019 13:22

Cos you've already lowered your standards.

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O4FS · 05/04/2019 13:24

I had 4 in 5.5 years. Threw my hands in the air and said ‘fuck it’. Outnumbered, overwhelmed, might as well sit back and enjoy it.

Well into the teenage years now.

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OhioOhioOhio · 05/04/2019 13:28

Yeah I had 3 in less than 3 years. I realised that if I fed them on the floor then at least the table would stay clean.

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Panicmode1 · 05/04/2019 13:28

I think once you have three, you are already either highly organised and can cope, or you lower your standards as Ohiox3 said! I fall somewhere in the middle and actually found 3 easy, but as we'd already got the bigger car and house when number 3 came along, having another one wasn't a huge upheaval/change.

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O4FS · 05/04/2019 13:30

DC1: organic purée, moulied by hand, not blended - could not risk having anything too fibrous.

DC4: BLW (by which I mean a couple of Birds Eye fish fingers dumped directly on the high chair tray).

I was a bloody nightmare with 1. PFB to the extreme.

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Chocolateisfab · 05/04/2019 13:32

Ime the more dc you have the less you have time to stress about the small stuff. Also no middle dc!!
*11 dc here. Practically horizontal....

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Likeagibbon · 05/04/2019 13:48

Oh wow gosh. 11dc! Thats amazing. Ok fab thankyou everyone! My standards have definately changed since dc1! I remember thinking the house was always so messy when we had our first. When I look back at photos now, I think how tidy my house looked then! Haha! Looks like we are ready for a 4th then ;)

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O4FS · 05/04/2019 14:55

I really, really love being a mum to 4. More so than ever now they are young adults.

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Happyspud · 05/04/2019 15:00

@O4FS, I had 4 in exactly 5 yrs. knee deep in it still with eldest just 6. It does get better right? I still have to take a deep breath and prepare myself for the overwhelming onslaught every day I’m not working. Youngest is 15 months. I can see the 6 and 4 yr old are so much more of a pleasure and more reasonable now. Any hints? Anything welcome! How the hell did you do holidays? And monitor all the important things like teeth cleaning? Keep your stress levels low enough not to snap at them or roll your eyes? It’s so hard to be a kind mum all the time😫

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OhioOhioOhio · 05/04/2019 15:51

Lots of picnics.
Empty the bin before it needs it.
Think 3 months ahead in terms of everything. Work up to it. So whatever is going on in June and you will need. Get it now.
Fees the main meal early. Double batches of everything. One night a week for a pizza tea. So you can recover or get another job.
Bag of crap for picking up and taking out and about.
I read on here to never go to bed with a messy kitchen. That was a good tip.
Oh and I threw out my bastard husband. That improved things endlessly. Any of that any good? If I'm on the right track I'll think of more.

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O4FS · 05/04/2019 17:47

Haha Ohio! That was my secret for a happy life too! I going XH FAR more stressful that 4DCs. 😄

Spud, what saves me is having a cleaner. I don’t say this lightly. Her weekly visit keeps me sane. I don’t consider it a luxury and I am very careful budget wise. I am not exaggerating when I say she keeps me sane.

It is really hard work, but that's all it is. I look back and think ‘how did I do that?’. I remember walking around the supermarket, a double buggy, child sat on the handles, one on my shoulders.

Things that help:
Toothbrushes at the kitchen sink/downstairs loo (helpful to train them to make sure loo seat down when flushing)
Internet grocery shopping (everything internet shopping actually.
Cleaner.
Picnics in the park. Stay out as long as possible (it keeps the house tidy).
Mealtimes become a routine, don’t stray into new territory with recipes. Have a good selection - spat Bol, sausage and mash etc. 12 meals for a two week period (one takeaway/ready meal a week).
Don’t drink. Eat with the children.

It sounds miserable I know. But when they are little it’s about getting through it. Next thing you know they are all in their rooms and you are sat on the sofa on your own.

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O4FS · 05/04/2019 17:47

Not spat Bol. That would be unpleasant 🤣

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TinklyLittleLaugh · 05/04/2019 17:56

Logistically 4 is more difficult than 3: you might have to change your car and holidays can become much more difficult. Lots of houses have tw double bedrooms and a boxroom which is fine for 3 but a struggle for 4.

I dunno, I have four and I think it just gets harder as they get older. God knows I love my gang but they are all a bit crazy and now they are mostly young adults I seem to worry more than I did when they were little and all safely under my watchful eye.

And if you work on the premise that you are only ever as happy as your least happy child, then putting another one in the mix just invites more anxiety. Sorry to be a bit negative.

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O4FS · 05/04/2019 18:47

Oh yes completely agree. So much easier when you’re in control. Young adults with minds of their own are very worrying. Two of mine are out-out tonight. It’s really weird.

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HoldMyGirl · 05/04/2019 18:50

I can never understand it when people say that 4 is easier than 3. How can having a whole extra person to look after be easier?

I have 3 and we are physically and mentally exhausted. We've never even contemplated having a 4th.

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Kaykay06 · 05/04/2019 18:50

Didn’t make much difference no idea why mine are now 17, 13 , 9 and almost 8
Bit crazy, all boys but certainly past the baby stage which I never felt would end but wooodnt change it

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OhioOhioOhio · 05/04/2019 21:58

Yes I realised today we are past the baby stage. I don't know how I did it. Truly don't know.

Keep it simple.

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ShivD · 09/04/2019 22:20

I think for me, my standards were already lowered, the car already bigger, adults outnumbered but kids by number 3 so DC4 just evened up the odd number- no ones the odd one out as they tend to pair up and play together. 4 is definitely more settled than 3 was for our family.

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troppibambini · 12/04/2019 09:35

Four tipped me over the edge
I don't find four easier than three at all. But my third and fourth are very close together. Everything was just so much more manageable with three but with a fourth there just seems to be so much more of everything- washing, cleaning, homework, school stuff just everything...
Whilst I love my fourth to pieces life would have been so so much easier if we stopped at three.

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mum4withavan · 15/04/2019 14:31

4 children are definitely a lot harder than 3. It’s a killer to the mum.
One more child to dress , talk , homework, sick child, negotiation.
4 is the tipping point , 3 much easier.
Holidays / hotels much harder to find 4 kids regards rooms.
4 kids expensive going anywhere - farms etc
4 kids less friends as no one likes inviting 4 kids around to their house ! One or 2 siblings easy
4 kids most likely drive a van

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MullofKintire · 15/04/2019 14:33

Because you give up after number 3!

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hanahsaunt · 15/04/2019 14:57

2 to 3 was so much harder than 3 to 4. Some of that was down to personality of the children involved but honestly #4 was a breeze. Lots of things are set up for neat models of 2 adults and 2 children. 3 is disruptive and challenging and requires thinking. You have done all that so slotting in a 4th is way easier. And no middle child ... mine do pair off but the pairings are different every day ... but no one is left out. I love having 4.

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Shostakobitch · 19/04/2019 22:28

We are contemplating DC4 and this has been an interesting read. I'm really afraid of the judgement I'll face if we decide to go for it!

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rachelfrost · 26/04/2019 15:22

I find it much harder having 4 than 3. I think it’s a lot to do with age gaps. Only a year between dc 3 and 4 which is hard enough without having older children to tend. When one of them naps or goes on a play date having just 3 kids is relaxing and easy.

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eastertulip · 26/04/2019 15:32

I have three and I still hold myself to stupid standards.

It is not impossible that they can all do all the sports they want and I will drive them there and cheer. I can be available for all of them when they want to talk. It is not impossible that I can make cakes for the football staff and set up this art project. I can get to work and get to the gym. I can make time for my husband. I can keep the sheets changed and the food cooked and the garden weeded. None of it is impossible IF ONLY I WAS MORE FUCKING ORGANISED AND NEVER WASTING TIME ON MUMSNET IT WOULD ALL BE FINE. ANY DAY NOW IT WILL BE JUST FINE.

I am sure a fourth baby would mean that it is all literally impossible. And that would be freeing. I am not having a fourth baby.