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Wanting a third but not

(3 Posts)
Lizmum1 Thu 07-Mar-19 00:36:33

Hello smile

Not sure if I’m on the right thread but I couldn’t find anything relevant and we do have a big family !

I’m 24 and my OH is 39, yes I know it’s a big age gap but you can’t help who you love and all! In fact most people I know including family members that have remarried have actually got big age gaps too!

Our relationship is very good, having dcs hasn’t really strained it, I love my family! We have 2dcs together dd is 3 and ds is 7 months now
DP has 3 previous children 13,10,8. They are lovely, me and the kids have a brilliant relationship and their mother is lovely and we all get along very well she even has my kids occasionally! ( DP and ex split 7 years ago mutually as were no longer ‘In love’) so there’s no bad blood etc We have DPs kids every other weekend fri-sun night and he sees them 2 week nights every week

So financially we are saving to buy a house within the next 2 years which is looking to be doable as my dad ha very kindly offered help if we save a decent sum first. We currently rent a fairly big 3 bed semi with a extra room downstairs. DP has a good job and a nice income and I am starting part time this month grin after rent, bills etc we are pretty comfortable and have a decent disposable income. Both our DCs are in weekly swim lessons and we currently pay nursery fees for DD until end of April.

When I had my first baby I was 21 and she was amazing , easy pregnancy, standard birth wouldn’t say easy LOL easy newborn slept through 12 hours from day 1 - she was big! Has been a joy! Happy advances baby / toddler not much of a tantrum type either. Potty trained at 2 months dry through the night at 2 years old exactly shock she is very well behaved, helpful and clever. Does literally everything herself from choosing her clothes brushing her teeth getting dressed and ready to leave the house - she literally only requires feeding lol.
After having her I was never broody I just knew I’d be having another. When it come to sorting her baby stuff my DP automatically put it in the loft so we knew we’d have another.

Ds pregnancy last year was very challaenging physically i has bad sciatica back pains and pelvic girdle I must have cried daily towards the end. His birth however was very quick calm and on gas and air in the pool a beautiful expirience. He has been good baby too as he was also a biggun and has slept well just woken once a night until 4 months when he started sleeping through. He is very happy, not clingy and has weaned very well like my dd did. He’s just turned 7 months and is standing!!!!

Since having him however I feel as if I’m enjoying him but not. I feel I want him to progress and hit milestones and I’m so proud but every time he reaches one I feel sad it’s going too fast! I’ve felt overwhelmingly broody since giving birth to him i thought it was hormones but it’s still here! I love them so much and obviously some days I’m more tired and occasionally fed up. But 9 times out of ten my days are fine calm happy enjoyable my dd helps so much in the house and plays with her brother beautifully. There’s not a ounce of jealousy in her smile

I’m just so confused right now as I want to get a house so badly and I want to work up in my career I’m currently a HCA doing my nvqs and placement under RGNs to become a CNA (certified nurse assistant) I jsit feel so sad and can’t stop thinking about the future.

My DP surprising hasn’t ruled out another. He supports his children he doesn’t live with really well and sees them a lot. Our 2 are pretty privileged - decent clothes, toys, days out, quality time, swim lessons and a yearly holiday abroad. We do centre parcs yearly but only as w don’t have school aged children to take and often go halves with other family

I know I’m rabbiting on but I’m so scared. I love my children insanely and I want the best for them. I want to be able to take them out and have holidays. But I can’t shake this baby fever!

I’m not thinking right now. But
Ideally in my head I would like to get the career I want , buy a house have the holidays we have booked, enjoy my dcs and then in 4 years ish have a third if I still feel this way!??

In 4 years I’ll be 27 so still a good age and DP 43 which I don’t think is uncommon for dads these days. My dad is late 50s and in banking up London and says most of his colleagues have young kids and most people mid 40s are just starting their families as that’s the way a lot of people do it now with life expectancy, buying houses later, prioritising career etc.

Am I mad ? Maybe it’ll pass but I don’t feel at 24 I can say I’m DONE
Most of my friends are childless and a couple have just had 1st when I had my second. I feel when I’m in my late 20s everyone around me will be having their babies!

I look at my dcs and don’t feel done. Not one part of me feels finished. My DP has left it as - let’s see in 3-4 years time where we are financially he keeps going for promotions and if I’m in a career for 3 years I’m sure I could take paid maternity and go back with only one Pre schooler.

Someone give me hope sad feeling down - although I know I’m blessed

Ding3kids Fri 26-Apr-19 14:55:37

I get how your feeling as I'm a bit torn myself. I have 3 kids 2, 4 and 6 years but would love a 4th but then other days feel like I don't want to mess with what we already have. We've just moved to a 4 bed so all kids have a good size room, if we had another 2 would have to share. We're able to afford trips out and holidays so a 4th might stretch us too far, the kids don't cost much at the moment but if their interested in something like music/ sport I want to be able to pay so they can do them. I'm retraining into a new career but I'm 34 so it's a case of now or never. I don't know whether I'm just sad the baby stage is over as my youngest is growing up too quickly or I'll always have this want of a 4th

ReganSomerset Fri 26-Apr-19 15:09:34

Well, you don't need to decide now anyway. Maybe see how you feel in four years?

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