Did you initially plan to have a large family?(36 Posts)
If you have 3+ children, did you always plan to have many? Or did you plan one or two and then decide to keep going?
I ask because I have one currently and oscillate between wanting to keep him as an only forever, now that we’ve hit an easier stage (10mo) and I’m really enjoying life, or taking the plunge and aiming for my fantasy of 5
I wanted 5. We have 4 aged from 8 to 2. My DH has had the snip but I would love it if he had it reversed and we could try for a fifth.
We need to do some work on the house and make more room next year. I think if I am still broody in 12 months he will agree.
He only wanted two in the beginning.
Wow, four sounds like a handful! Almost literally 😂 I like the idea of lots, but then once DS is down for the night and I can lie in bed with my kindle, somehow one seems like the perfect number...!
We have 3. 3rd is a few weeks old. I'm not sure whether I want a 4th or not. As DH wisely points out, let this one get a bit bigger and then decide. One at a time. I definitely don't want to be pregnant again yet at any rate.
Surely you don't need to decide whether you want 5 today do you? Just take it one pregnancy at a time.
Oh yes, absolutely. I suppose it just might help with planning the age gaps (as much as one can plan, I appreciate that!).
We always planned on 4, then got an extra - pregnancy no 4 was twins!!
Both my mum and my DH were hoping for twins this time around. 😂 Hats off to you!
We had planned between 4 and 6. We were young and
stupid idealistic! We had trouble conceiving and a few losses.
With help from the fertility specialist, we ended up having 4. They are now aged 13, 11, 8 & 5. I love having a big family.
We would still love another but no hint of a pregnancy in 5 years and I'll admit, the further out we get from baby/toddler years the less sad I am about probably not doing it again.
I have 4 and wanted 6. My body can't do another pregnancy but we will still have 6-we plan to adopt.
We always thought 4. We have 5 and we might have another one
or two. I want to have our family complete in the next few years.
We always said four and that's what we had.
They are 13,8,5 and 4 now and it's definitely getting easier. It's still really busy especially during this school term as there is so much going on but I wouldn't change it.
I also have two step children I'm really really close too as their mum died when they were young. The eldest has a baby now and there is nothing nicer than having all 7 of them round the table especially over Christmas time.
Although they obviously squabble essentially they all get on really well and it's really lovely to be part of.
I have had 7 pregnancies, but 6 children I always wanted 6 but when we fell pregnant with number 7 I was over the moon sadly it wasn't meant to be, I love having a big family and this time of the year is epic with a big family Christmas is never a quite affair
I always wanted three. I’ve ended up with seven in total - a combination of children from first marriage, children from second marriage and step children. It requires a fair amount of organisation. We value our evenings too though so it’s all quiet time after 7.30pm or so.
I always wanted a big family but due to having a firstborn son with special needs we decided to stop at 2 ( I boy 1 girl ) as we had a genetic risk to take into account. Then we had a surprise addition 8 yrs later who was fine and we subsequently went into fostering and now we have a long term foster child aged 12 ( been here 11 yrs ) and we have adopted our youngest foster child 2 yrs ago ( aged 4 now ). So we are mid 50s with 5 aged 28, 26, 19, 12 and 4 . I always wanted 6 but dh says enough is enough esp as both the youngest have complex needs .
So life is v hectic and v hard work but I love it and feel sad at the thought of no more to add to my brood but I am so grateful for the lovely family I have.
If you want my advice follow your dream . You won't regret it !
Wanted 2. Have 4.
I like having a big family but
I originally wanted 4, DH hadn't given it much thought but wanted children (plural). We had 3 and thought for a while we'd stick to 3, but we had a change of heart once DD3 reached aged 2 and we felt we could cope with an extra! Our fourth is due in the New Year.
DH is an only child and introvert and I worry slightly that the noise / chaos will be too much for him; they'll be 7, 5, 3 and a newborn. He's coped so far by living a half-hour walk from work so he can have regular downtime that way. He's also taken up yoga!
We have 4 aged 14,12, 9 & 4. We didn’t plan for 4 but after having 3 and bought a big car and a big house that’s when we decided to go for the fourth one and last one.
I always wanted 4, and now have 4. The eldest is 5, no twins. It’s really really hard. Recently, now that I’ve no newborn or pregnancy to blame for the hardness, I feel like I might have ruined a chunk of my life. But I think it will come good again when the baby hits 3/4 in 3 yrs time. It’s been 6 yrs straight of pregnancy, newborns and toddlers.
Can’t remember what the OPs question was......
Had two in a not great, but not so terrible, relationship. We were separated by the time 2nd was born. Met current lovely partner and had another two. All under 8 and have always lived together as siblings. I thought I was done at 2 and then had 3rd with new partner and then 4th was an ‘accident’/ deliberate carelessness while on the waiting list to get coil implanted.
I wasn’t sure about having a 4th and I’m glad the decision was made for me! No way I’m having 5.
Four feels like all you do is parent. All day, all night. But I’m waiting for it to get easier. (Could I ask, Hideandgo why hasn’t it go easier for you? I’m sure I’ve ruined a chunk of my life too but hoping that by the time youngest is 5 it’ll be a breeze. Your post gave me the fear...)
Planned 3 had 3.
If finances and space were unlimited and could guarantee easy pregnancy/birth I’d have 2 more.
Planned 2. Felt clicky straight after number two and had 3rd 13 months later. Am definitely done my sanity couldn't take anymore
I've got four and always had in my head that there would be four. I'm now sterile so there will be no more.
Only ever wanted 1.
Had 2, then met my now dh, and we decided to try for 1.
That 1 was twins. Number 5 made an appearance 2 years later.
So we now have 5, aged 16, 12, 5, 5 and 2.
Its a handful. Loads of fun, always noisy and busy, and generally chaotic, but I love it and wouldn't have it any other way.
I get stopped by (generally) old women in the street who tell me how lucky I am, and how they wish they had lots of young children again. I also get comments from (generally) younger people who tell me I'm insane, and rather me than them.
I have 5. They are 18, 16, 14, 13 and 4. First two were planned, second 2 just happened and I was persuaded by DH to go for the 5th one. Its mad and doesnt get any easier as teenage problems are more serious and worrying than when they were younger. I wouldnt change it for the World though even with the almost 20 years of exhaustion.
In my 20s, with another dp, I always wanted 4 but thought it was a little insane and thought I’d have 3. I knew I didn’t want kids in my 20s so spent a long time actively trying not to get pregnant. Meet dh in late 20s and got married early 39s, in my head still thinking 4 is crazy! Dd1 was stillborn when I was 34 and we were told we may never have live dc - that’s when I thought I’d def have 4!
Between the ages of 35 and 40, I had 4 more dds now 12, 10, 8 and almost 7. I would have loved/love more, but they are a huge handful and 2 have ASD. I was sterilised during my csection with my last dc. I’ve just gone back to work after retraining and took a long time out from work after getting dc diagnosed ehcp etc etc. Having dc didn’t ‘ruin’ my life, but in some ways I had to hit the pause button when they were younger due to the sheer constantness of it all, and then latterly to come to terms with ASD, how to support my dc etc.
Originally planned for none, before changing our minds and having one. Very soon after, we decided that we weren't too bad at this parenting malarkey and had another one. Quite soon after that there was an incident involving a broken condom and now we have:
Dd1: Nearly 4
I have six kids.
DD is 17, DS is 14, DD is 11, DS is 8, DD is 5 and I have B/G twins aged 2 too. We are trying for baby number seven right now. I love it personally even if it is hard work. I love children.
wanted three, have three.
I am one of 3 and so is dh.
2 feels too small, too neat, to oragnised for me.
4 feels like I wouldn't cope!
Wanted 6. Have 5. Slowly going insane. But thinking of going for that 6th and final baby 🙈 what's one more 🙃
I must be crazy. But a big family is so appealing.
I always wanted a big family, never planned a number bit have 4.
Dd3 2 1/2
No. I had thought ideally 2 would be nice but I would be happy with just 1! I remember our good friends always saying they would have 4 and thinking 'wow thats crazy. Why so many?' Haha. They have since had 2 and are absolutely certain they are done.. we have had 3 and are ttc 4. Dd1 6yo dd2 3yo and ds1 is 1yo. I love my children to bits. Its so busy and tough and tiring at times but nothing comes close to the joy they bring.
DH and I both wanted 4 and have 4. I did actually burst into tears when DC4 was a babe in arms, and he said that DC4 was "definitely our last;" in my hormonal fog, I couldn't bare to think that there would be no more babies.
But, that feeling didn't last long & 4 is my perfect number. It's very OCD and a bit bizarre, but I wouldn't like to have an odd number anyway. I know that's ridiculous, though.
What sort of ages gaps are you thinking, OP?
I have four, 17, 14, 11 and 9. Always knew I would like more than 2, (I am one of three and dh is one of four).
We had fertility issues so didn't have our first until after 12 years of marriage. Then they all came along like buses!
I would say it all got easier once the last child started school. I found it incredibly hard work when they were all younger. Even though there is exactly 8 years between the oldest and youngest. Goodness knows how hard I would have found smaller age gaps.
It amazes me how as soon as one is away I find it so much easier. Oldest was away for a week and I kept thinking "wow, 3 kids is so easy". I am sure people with 5 kids must think 4 is so easy etc.
Though I do love having a large family. Even though I've probably made it sound like I don't
Thanks so much for all your answers! I was back on the Larger Families board under a different username (love reading on this topic), and was thinking what a great question this was, when I realised I was the OP 😂
Well, since my original query we had a not-preventing-but-I'm-sure-it'll-be-fine moment... and suffice to say, it wasn't fine, and DC2 is due in Nov! So we'll have two under two, plus both parents in high stress jobs, which is... daunting to say the least. Had a particularly tough time in the last month for various reasons so haven't really had a chance to get our heads around it, but hopefully I'm almost 2/5s the way to my "big family" dream 😂 Although DS is a great sleeper now, 11-12hs a night and happily adapted to a mix of nursery and family care, so certainly daunted by going back to sleepless nights. But also looking forward to newborn snuggles, breastfeeding again hopefully (only weaned 6 weeks ago), chubby little legs... and a child who remains where you left them, unlike boisterous DS!
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