Feeling annoyed - babysitting requests

[ruthieruthuk]

We have four children and it's my husbands birthday next month and we've seen a ball which would be nice to go to, it's his birthday on the 22nd and the ball falls on the 24th so it's perfect really, I'm 7m pregnant and suffering from SPD but I was thinking this would be nice as it includes a meal and party, and I won't have to do a great deal of walking.

So yesterday we asked the children's grandad, husbands dad, if he could babysit on this one occasion, we haven't asked him before for anything like this as we rarely go out together and he has basically said no and that it falls the night he sees his partner who he has been with for 15+ yrs, they don't have plans, he just cooks a meal and they sit and watch tv for the night and share a bottle of wine, he lives local so he wouldn't have to travel far, and we even said he could bring his partner with him to our house, we were planning on having the kids tucked up in bed before we left for the ball so it would be just a case of him being here.

I also asked a friend when husbands dad said no and got a pretty frosty response despite the fact I have babysat for her numerous occasions, I've even had her kids to stay over for the night on a couple of occasions when she has wanted to go out. She hasn't said no but she has made it clear that if there is nobody else to do it then she will do it which has made me feel a bit you know like..

It's not like I've dropped this on people last min it's more than a month away.

Feeling annoyed as do have another option which is to pay a babysitter but it's basically extra cost for us which we could of done without with another baby on the way, am I being unreasonable for feeling a bit annoyed?

[NameChangeCuddleBums]

Pay a babysitter and don’t babysit for your friend again. People don’t have to help but it’s nice when they want too.

[MarilynsDressOnAVent]

No you're being totally reasonable. Please stop any babysitting for your friend. Helping each other out means them helping you out too.

FIL could easily change plans and look after his grandkids for one bloody night! I know it's not his duty. I know no one should be made to provide childcare for someone else's children but they're HIS grandchildren and it's one night.

My own DM and PIL won't watch ours for an evening if we want to go out socialising or anything that isn't an obligation (such as DH's best friend's wedding for example. That was okayed). If we want to go out on a date it's a no because it's a frivolity. A waste of their time.
If we need babysitters because we have to go to an appointment or need to go somewhere the kids can't go then they'll watch them. We grateful for the help of course but I would kill for a night out with my husband! I completely understand your feelings.

I'm sorry you'll have to pay a babysitter. It makes the night out less fun knowing it's costing you so much more. I hope you have a wonderful time.

Oh and please remember your friend's "excuse" for turning you down. Say the same back word for word when she next asks you.

[Graphista]

Yabu to expect other people to accommodate YOUR choice to have a large family.

I've looked after other people's children since I was 14 in a wide variety of roles.

That's included babysitting for large families. It is hard work and I was a young fit thing at the time!

How old are they? Seeing as you've no 5 on the way and the eldest isn't yet old enough to sit I can't imagine very old, which means the novelty of whoever sits being there will result in many trips downstairs for a nosy in the guise of "can I have a drink?" Etc.

How old is the granda? I'm 46 and no way would I take on a job like that now!

How many DC does your friend have? Does she repay the babysitting you do for her in other ways?

This is one of the cons of having a large family. The pro pays off as they get older when the elder ones can babysit (but don't take that or them for granted).

In choosing this night out you should have considered and budgeted/planned for either more than one sitter with perhaps 2 at one persons and 2 at another's to stay over to be minded OR to pay for a sitter (and the prices are naturally higher for larger families as there's more work and more responsibility involved).

[BoyMad]

Could you split the children up and get a couple of people to babysit? Are they refusing because they would need to babysit 4 children together?

[BoyMad]

Just to add: If your 'friend' is being frosty, I wouldn't be as accommodating to her in future.

[zucchinicourgette]

You could also just take your friend at her word. Okay, she is not keen. But she said she would do it if you can’t find anyone else and you have helped her in the past. So you could say ‘sorry, I have asked a number of people but no one else can manage it. Since I have babysat for you on a number of occasions I’d really appreciate this favour’.