Too Sensitive?

[Dogtanian02]

Hi. First post, so I'm sorry if it's in the wrong place ☺️

To cut a long story short I had my first son at 21 years old to my ex. I wasn't ready so my Mam & Dad helped me raise him. So, they did a lot for him. That's all changed and I've been doing a 80 mile round trip for the last 13 years of his 16 to get him every weekend as his Mam moved away and doesn't help with travelling etc.

My parents have always been different with him as he's the first and they helped raise him for a time. The transition into me being in control was a tough one.

I now have 3 boys 7, 4 & 2. With my wife of 10 years. We just live down the road. They also go to the school where my Mam works.

My Mam has boys a lot because in a nut shell, my wife's Mam and step dad have no interest in their grandchildren or us tbh. My mam has the boys sleep over every other weekend and more than not will have when I need her to.

My dads slightly antisocial. He loves them, but when they're there he always sneaks off to bed or do something in garden. He's the last of the 13 children and always been like this apparently.

So these are my issues.

1. My Mam never asks for us to pop in for dinner, but she will always make dinner for my sister who has no kids. Not big, but I just wish she would ask to see kids during week.

1. They never take boys anywhere. They have them stop over, but just to really sit in house. Although on their birthday they take them as in individual somewhere nice.

1. They would never dream of a weekend away with us and kids and definitely not a holiday which my Mam would love and so would boys, but my dad wouldn't so my won't.

1. My sister is trying for a kid and my mam said "I love your boys but it would be different if your sister had a kid as it's our girl" - this makes me sad :/

1. Christmas. As our family has grown they have been less reluctant for us to go there. Today is the first year they've said they'll be having Christmas on their own.

There's many more but I just wanted to see if I was being too selfish or sensitive about these topics.

Also my Mam buys kids stuff (that they like and need) and loves to see them. I think it's more my dad, but yeah ..

Thanks in advance.

[BackforGood]

I can't really see what your parents are supposed to be doing / not doing that upsets you.
You are 37, so I'm going to guess they are probably in their 60s ? Yet still working (from your post) Yet they are still having them for sleepovers about once a fortnight ? Also will have all 3 of them whenever you ask?

Sounds like she is doing more than enough, to me. Lots of parents don't have that sort of support. It can take quite a bit of energy to look after 3 young boys, together. I suspect they need their holidays to be just that - a rest.

Even when I used to take my 3 out for the day when I was a lot younger than your parents it was tiring - the bickering, complaining, and even fighting than many siblings do. Why should your parents want to do that all over again, they've had their turn when you were a child.

Same with Christmas - it can get overwhelming. Sometimes it is nie to have a bit of peace.. Why have you always gone there ? . In our family we mix it up a bit, sometimes to one side of extended family, sometimes to other, and sometimes we host one side or the other. In laws only expected to host once in 4 years.

[curlykaren]

Your Mum is already doing too much for you. It's coming across as if you are quite demanding!

[pallisers]

crikey. your mum and dad helped you raise your first from the start. They have all of your children over regularly and mind them for you and you are wondering if they should also be having you in for dinner or bringing your children out to places?

honestly, why don't you invite your parents in for dinner. Why don't you organise a trip out with the kids and invite your parents along.

I'm puzzled as to what you think a parent really should be doing for an adult child and grandchildren. Are you planning to help rear your grandchildren/have your kids and their kids over for dinner/bring them out every week.

in short, yes you are both too selfish (I would say self-centered rather than selfist actually) and too sensitive.

My parents were fab with their grandkids and didn't do half of what your lovely parents do. Have you ever given them a gift and a heartfelt thank you?

[VimFuego101]

I'll take your mum if you don't think she does enough. My mother has never taken care of my son (7) on her own. My in laws have looked after him 3 times when my DH went out for dinner/lunch/ popped to the shop. My MIL told me when he was born that she had done her share of nappy changing and didn't want to do that level of caring. She loves him and is great with him, but doesn't want to do that level of babysitting - fair enough. We paid for full time nursery and stagger our hours now that he's in school to do pick up/ drop offs.

[Hideandgo]

Some good things, some quirks that are just their nature and some bad things there OP. All in all not a horrible relationship or set of grandparents so I think you might need to accept them as they are. They clearly do love you and your family.

#4 was a truly shit thing to say. But try to understand maybe as your Mum was a Mum herself and being a Mum is a huge baptism of fire emotionally, physically and mentally. (I don’t think fathers experience it quite the same), not a criticism it’s just a somewhat different thing. So your mum will naturally identify with her DD having a baby in a way she maybe didn’t with you. That shouldn’t be any reflection on how much she loves you, your sister or the grandchildren. It’s just a different experience seeing your own daughter growing a baby, birthing and recovering. Something I’m sure she remembers like it was yesterday for herself.

[PotteringAlong]

Your mum has your 3 boys every other weekend overnight and you think she should want to cook you all dinner in the week too?! Really?!

[PotteringAlong]

Also, have you ever offered to host Christmas?

[rachelfrost]

Your parents are doing way more than average. Obvs

[TheyBuiltThePyramids]

Yes you are being selfish and too sensitive.

[cheesefield]



[cheesefield]

How often do you offer to take her out? Or invite her for dinner or offer to host Christmas?

[Nicknamesalltaken]

you’re expecting too much.

It’s hard work looking after three young children at the best of times. But you think they should do more? They have their own lives as well you know. They’re raised their children.

You’re really, really lucky to have what you have. Appreciate them.