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Help from in laws while my DH is away for work

(6 Posts)
Needstovent Tue 05-Dec-17 09:14:55

My husband is away from Sunday afternoon until the following Friday for work every week. I’ve just had my third child and my husbands family are constantly coming to stay to ‘help’ me while DH is working. My issue is that when they come I end up doing all the cooking, cleaning and washing as well as buying the additional food that is needed. Since my DH has been back to work after Bub #3 arrived they have been here every week.
Tonight I finally told my DH that I don’t want his family here unless he is here so he can entertain them as I’m over it and if I do need help I’ll ask instead of them just showing up when it suits them. My DH thinks I’m over reacting and doesn’t understand why it’s such a big deal if they come and stay. Am I being unreasonable and unfair?
I should add my husband would refuse my family to stay at our home if I was not here and also asks his family to come and help me as when he is home he is tired and feels I ask him to do too much with our children and feels that I need the help mid week so I don’t ask him to do anything.
I’m feeling frustrated and like the bad guy for not wanting his family around so much. I don’t know if I’m being fair or not so am interested in some advice from you fabulous mums

RestingGrinchFace Tue 05-Dec-17 09:18:27

YANBU. I would tell him to either tell them to stop coming or hire a maid to deal with them because you won't and stick to it. Don't just let thing carry on. If they come again call him and keep calling him until he makes them leave. If he doesn't then tell them to leave yourself.

tiktok Tue 05-Dec-17 09:19:28

From what you have said here, I wonder you don’t have ‘doormat’ tattooed on your forehead.

Ridiculous situation. The ‘help’ that means more work for you. The exhausted father who refuses to pull his weight the two minutes he is at home. The ignoring of your own wishes and preferences.

You and your dh need to somehow sort it out. With your voice being heard for once.

Humv Tue 05-Dec-17 09:21:00

YANBU. No matter how lovely they are, it’s difficult to have a relationship with in laws that’s quite as close as one you have with your actual family- it will still feel like you need to entertain them, make sure they don’t want or need anything etc and it is more stressful for you. I know when my mum comes to help with DS I’ve no qualms about saying I’m going for a nap, but when my MIL (who is lovely) comes, I can’t do it and have to sit and entertain her.

It’s your home and I think you’re well within your rights to have whoever you want to stay. It’s not like you’re refusing to have them at all, you just don’t want them around as much. That’s fine.

TheHobbitMum Tue 05-Dec-17 09:22:27

Dear God no! That would drive anyone nuts! Absolutely put your foot down

MinorRSole Tue 05-Dec-17 09:23:15

Oh dear lord he sounds like a nightmare. Too lazy to look after his own DC's so farms it out to his family whether you like it or not. Most parents work their arses off and we still manage to look after our own children. He needs to grow up and get a grip and stop leaving it all to you

Working away all week with no housework or childcare sounds like a flipping holiday!

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