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MIL Trouble...

(5 Posts)
MrsClarke Mon 04-Dec-17 14:29:10

My MIL doesn't like me. From the start, I got the feeling she saw me as young and dumb... not good enough for her golden child.

I feel resent from her for taking her son from her. He lived at home until he was 26 and was very close to her until we had our son and family life took over.
She is used to having my husband at her beck and call and now I am with him she's not his priority anymore.

She has her own partner and she's close with his family. I have often caught her and her partner making comments about me and my family. They look down on us and think they are better than us.

There have been a few instances where she hasn't been very nice to me or my husband.

When we first had our son we lived with my mum. She would try to call round to see our son after work, without calling first to check if it was okay. This annoyed me as firstly it wasn't our house it was my mum's and it was unfair on my mum. Plus it was usually when my husband had only just got home after work or when we were trying to get our son down for the night.

There were other times two, one that really sticks in my mind is on my birthday. It was about 8 pm and we had just put our son down for the night. And was just about to enjoy our dinner, when she knocked on the door, the dogs started barking and woke him up.

We had told her time and time again to call before coming round, as people coming to the door makes the dogs bark, and if our son is sleeping it wakes him up.

Also, we don't always like to have visitors past our son's tea time as we start his bedtime routine and it unsettles him.
Plus the fact that it was my birthday and it was being made about her... when all I wanted was a cosy night in with my husband. I was already in my pj's and felt embarrassed.

My husband was peed off when he answered the door and told her she should have asked first, she didn't apologise for waking our son up and just said 'does it look like I care'.

I put on my best 'nice to see you smile' and tried to make light of the situation, and offered her a cup of tea. She got to see our son and three hours later she left. I then privately messaged her the next day thanking her for the gifts and apologised on behalf of my husband for his rudeness.

It read; " Hi, Thank you for my birthday flowers and card, they are beautiful. Sorry Was a bit grumpy opening the door last night, he was just a bit annoyed that you had disturbed 's bedtime routine and we prefer for people to call to see if it's okay to come round beforehand. Thanks again and see you soon x"

My MIL didn't reply to me, we didn't hear from her for a few weeks so my husband messaged her and asked if she was okay, and if she has fallen out with us. She then messaged my husband privately with a bit of an odd message.

It read; "Hi no I haven't fallen out with you but I must say this, I have been very hurt and disappointed by you. I agree getting in a routine is important and PEOPLE should ring but I am not just PEOPLE. I am your mum and 's nana! I want to see you for dinner because I don't want this to become an issue. Still, love you.

she then just met up with my husband (not me) for dinner and they didn't talk about things, she just brushed it under the carpet.

Another thing is the fact that I haven't let our son sleepover at hers yet, I haven't as I know she likes a drink. Which a drink I am fine with, however, She usually has a bottle of wine if not more every evening. She has been referred by her doctor to an alcohol group and I was under the impression she wasn't supposed to be drinking as she has other health issues which alcohol can make worse.
Yet my sister spotted her buying bottles of wine from the shop and she's always out drinking and posting it all over Facebook.

The second reason I have let him stay at hers is that she had two dogs that she lets rule the house, they pee and poo inside... sleep in her bed and bark constantly. She lets them jump up and lick him and I just can't stand it. We have dogs and I keep them in the kitchen, we have baby gates as they aren't allowed where he plays or upstairs where we sleep.

My mum met up with my MIL the other day and they got talking about my husband and I. My mum said how lovely it is to see us both together and how alike we are. All positive things.

My mum also said that my husband is so laid back which is good as I need someone like that due to what I have been through.
My MIL then replied with an odd comment: 'Yeah well there's only so much he can take' and continues with 'he left previous relationships as they weren't equal' and suggested that my husband was only with me due to our son.

This really got to me as if she is saying things like this to my own mum, what is she saying to other people?

My MIL had also arranged her Birthday party this year for my Birthday weekend (24th February).
The same day that my nephews 1st birthday is on, my grandmas birthday weekend is on and it's also the weekend after Valentine's Day. Her birthday isn't until 17th March....

I just feel like she does things like this to get at me as now we have to choose between my family or her. It's like she wants to cause tension and for her partners family to feel sorry for her when me and my husband aren't at her party as we have other plans.

When I tell her our son is poorly or I am poorly she ignores the message and just writes back about herself, she acts like she doesn't know how to use Facebook but comments on my husband's brothers pictures of his daughter (her granddaughter) but not Freddie.

I just don't know what to do anymore, she currently has him every Wednesday 8.30am -4pm and still doesn't seem happy with that...

I'm so happy she wants to see our son, but its always on her terms. When we go to party's together (our wedding etc) she isn't bothered about him... she is more interested in getting drunk and doesn't help out.

She makes me feel so crap about myself with the negative comments It's just not needed. If she didn't like me I would prefer she just said rather than make me out to be the bad person all the time.

Tinselistacky Mon 04-Dec-17 20:27:27

If I was you I would make 2018 the year you stop giving a fuck about what she thinks. Let your dh deal with her, block her number and tell him you aren't being disrespected anymore.

Movablefeast Sun 10-Dec-17 18:17:11

OP you need to ask to move this to Relationships as it's in the wrong area for traffic and feedback.

Olisie3 Thu 01-Feb-18 22:42:08

Oh god. I was reading this and thinking how on earth could be 2 such similar odd MILs. And now I know. Yours and mine were born on the same day :D
I blocked my MIL at Facebook, Skype, I blocked her phone number and I did not go to visit her since last July and I am not planning to do that never again.anyway still she keeps saying lies about me. Also she calls my parents to tell them how rude I am not contacting with her :D but finally I am happy person. Do the same cause she is not going to change her behaviour no matter how much you try. Believe me. I gave birth to her 3 grandchildrens and still I am worst possible choice for her great son :D.

Olisie3 Thu 01-Feb-18 22:45:20

Btw I also gave her kids every day, when I got to work.still it was not enough. Really, it will always be not enough with that kind of person. Don't care anymore about her. And as for her party, just don't go there. It is deffinittely done on purpose.

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