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Housing and ss

(49 Posts)
Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 19:11:41

Hi guys/gals.
I am new I don't know if this is the correct place to write this or not but here goes the looonnng post.

I am a 27 year old mother of 3 girls 5,4,2. They all have speech problems. My 4 year old is still in nappies because she doesn't understand she also still puts things in her mouth that she shouldn't like car toys ect so the school is thinking she has sensory issues. My 2 year old can't walk due to low muscle tone and is getting a special walker and shoes. I have major anxiety so don't leave the house unless I'm with my partner (kids dad).
The kids constantly fight and don't do as they are told my partner doesn't help at all apart from getting the kids from school, nursery, playgroup. He works mon-thur 5pm till finish usually 10pm
Friday 1pm-finish Sat-sun it varies.
I do absolutely everything else apart from taking the kids to school and picking them up. Iv even got to ask if he has clean uniform because he doesn't put it in the wash unless I ask how many sets he has.
Anyway for the past 3 year we have been in this house we have had our windows smashed and we don't know who it is as we keep ourselves to ourselves . we have high rent arrears so we can't move but the health visitor said that she would speak to the council. My partner was on the sick in may so missed payments for his finance payback for the car so I have that stress too we have no money for Christmas we really are in deep 💩. We got a phone call from social services this morning to come out this afternoon so we said yea fine thinking it was about the housing situation but turned out my eldest had told her teacher I smack her dad now this isn't the case my partner likes to say to our eldest I hit him because he thinks it's funny when she gives me wrong. He will be in the sitting room and I will be in the kitchen and my partner will say mummy just hit daddy and she will come through and give me a telling off. So that has me more stressed. Also when we told the woman about the windows and that our youngest daughters window was borded up for 4 month
July-Nov and I showed her the picture of the glass in her bed just glad She was at my partners mum's that night the social woman said there is nothing they can do. But it's ok for her to say the kids are fine but I had to come out because of what your 5 year old said. I'm like wtf the windows been smashed is a safety issue for the kids and I'm also scared to be in the house at night, I'm not sleeping either. I said we want to move but I don't want to take the kids out of that school. Her reply was they can't help intervening with the council and for me to go to the doctors and pack everything up and move miles away to England.
Is this seriously true that they can't help. Surely windows been broken where there is glass in my kids bed should be a hazard to them like it is to me, I'm wanting to move to get away from this, if she had been in her bed she would of been cut or the rock the size of a rugby ball could of hit her. My neighbour told us this house has always been a targeted house because we're on the end and when it was empty they would break in. tbh I didn't like social woman anyway but yea anything anyone can help with. Oh I'm in Scotland btw but originally from England been here for 7year my partner was born in Scotland.
Sorry for the long post and thank you.

RebelRogue Fri 10-Nov-17 19:18:21

Are you private renting now or council?
Can you get a job?

Auspiciouspanda Fri 10-Nov-17 19:21:34

Have you made an application to your local council for housing?

Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 19:22:09

Council. I can't because I have major anxiety.

Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 19:22:54

I am in a council house

wizzywig Fri 10-Nov-17 19:27:11

Op I have similar age gaps and kids with various disabilities and a partner that doesn't help. I can't give advice on the house but is it just the house situation or house plus kids and the partner?

unlimiteddilutingjuice Fri 10-Nov-17 19:35:36

Hi OP: Can I just check I've understood correctly?
The social worker came out to investigate a potential safeguarding issue (you hitting your partner).
Social worker concluded that the kids are fine.
You then attempted to enlist the social workers assistance with another matter (rehousing).
Tbh, In your position I would just let her close her case and move on. And be glad the matter has been resolved. I don't think you really want ongoing social services involvement. It can be very intrusive and stressfull and will not necessarily result in you getting rehoused any quicker.

You say you can't be rehoused due to rent arrears. I think you need to speak to your council/landlord and find out how long you would need to keep to a repayment plan in order to be considered for a move. Then set up an arrangement.

In the meantime, keep a diary of anti social behaviour and report, report, report.

And in future, next time you speak to social services try not to talk up any danger your kids are in or minimise your ability to cope with it. (I think you kind of did this with your comments about the broken window). Instead, explain what positive things you are doing to deal with the situation. This will play far better with them.

Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 19:36:02

Hi wizzywig it's everything kids and the partner and the house. I'm on a downer 24/7 I can never relax, constantly tense. Even when the kids go to bed 6pm I'm on edge waiting for the kick off. Like the other night I put them to bed went to my room to get the baby monitors and my eldest screamed I ran down to see what was up and she was cupping her nose with blood everywhere. When I managed to stop the bleeding from her nose I asked what happened turned out my 4 year old had kicked her in the face. They were in bed 2 mins arghhh 😁

Whymustyoubringinthebirds Fri 10-Nov-17 19:36:47

As far as I am aware SS can help with housing but they can’t do it for you - if you need to move you need to approach the council for this SS wouldn’t arrange for this

If you are in a council house they should fix the window - 4months seems like a long time normally they would be quite quick for that given children live in the house

Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 19:45:57

Hi unlimiteddilitibgjuice.
Yes they came out about me apparently hitting my partner my daughter doesn't understand that even tho I was in another room I didn't do it. It's a joke my partner plays. That stops now lol.
My health visitor was actually going to contact social anyway in regards to the windows so while she was out my partner thought he would ask. Everytime the window or door has been broken my partner has always phoned the police as we need to for the reference number for the council to come out and fix the window.
We are in thousands in rent arrears & 2500 or there about it's definitely over £2000 all we can afford is £100 a week so it's going to take over 2 year to pay that off.

Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 19:51:06

Hi whymustyoubringinthebirds.
The window was broke the beginning of july and the only came out Tuesday just gone to fix it. My front door pane of glass was broke Monday and I'm still waiting for that to be fixed. The guy that fixed my window couldn't fix my door because the council didn't tell him. I thought because it's clearly a safety issue with kids in the house ss would be able to go to the council and say it's not suitable ect. Anyway that's what my health visitor said

Whymustyoubringinthebirds Fri 10-Nov-17 20:02:07

I would get in touch with the council and go from there - your MP might also be able to help with a move

I have some input with children falling under council care due to orders issued under the children’s panel and from there I have seen cases where SW can only help and support moves they cannot facilite them and if they felt the children’s safety was in jeopardy the children would be removed from the house not the adults ie alternative arrangements would be made for the children to stay in a ‘safe place’

Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 20:12:27

Thank you whymustyoubringinthebirds.
She was asking alot of questions about money ect then said why don't you move to England. She was also writing alot down.
I did lose my rag with her and say to her yous are another reason why I'm stressed there is nothing wrong but no you will probably take the kids anyway twice I said that to her and she ignored me. She said it herself there fine. So because she ignored me and wrote alot down money problems ect then she left. I don't know what to think. Will they take them, will they be back out. I'm convinced they will take them

unlimiteddilutingjuice Fri 10-Nov-17 20:48:48

With all die respect OP, I don't think you handled the situation terribly well.
Your priority should have been to reassure her that you are able to keep your kids safe.
Instead you seem to have been swinging between the hope they would solve your housing problem and the fear they would take the kids. You must have seemed all over the place.
Maybe next time you see her (if there is a next time) apologise for the "your gonna take my kids" remarks, explain you were a little nervous and then just concentrate on staying calm.
Explain the difficulties you face by all means but put them in the positive context of what you are doing about the situation.
I.e: We have debts but we've entered into an installment agreement.
The window was smashed. We phoned the council on this, this and this date but they haven't got back to us. In the meantime we put up this board.
Make it look like you are organised, competent people who just need a little word put in on your behalf.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Fri 10-Nov-17 20:49:38

all due respect that should be.

Runninglateeveryday Fri 10-Nov-17 20:56:51

There is no way you'll be moved even if they could help, you can't transfer or be priority till you have no rent arrears.

unlimiteddilutingjuice Fri 10-Nov-17 21:06:39

It can depend on the council Runninglate
I've known some to accept transfers if the tenant has entered into an agreement and stuck with it for a certain length of time.
Maybe worth checking the allocations policy and clarifying exactly where you stand OP.
It's unlikely that social services will be able to get you a better deal than what the allocations policy states, though.

Sevendown Fri 10-Nov-17 21:08:55

What are the police saying about the smashed windows?

If you are at risk of violence you could be eligible to make a homeless application.

Whymustyoubringinthebirds Fri 10-Nov-17 21:10:41

Unlimited has good advice on how to proceed

Also in Scotland if you don’t voluntary agree for your children to be removed it would be up to a judge - not SW - to remove the children via a child protection order the case would then be refered to a children’s hearing and a panel of 3 people would decide on the longer term options

Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 21:15:48

Under alot of stress and she said she could see that. She never really let us answer properly either she kept cutting us off. Because she said there is nothing wrong with the kids then they can't take them can they.

Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 21:19:25

The police just said keep phoning them everytime one gets broke. Maybe they thought the house is empty. People know it's not empty iv got swings and things in the garden and you can tell the house is being lived in.

Battleax Fri 10-Nov-17 21:19:34

No I don't think they'll want to take them.

She was probably thinking more that the kids were okay but you're under stress and need support.

Calm down.

Dragongirl10 Fri 10-Nov-17 21:23:45

WHy can your DP not get a job to help address the arrears situation?

Harlei Fri 10-Nov-17 21:26:49

Easier said than done battleax. I'm up a height 24/7 can't relax can't sleep getting 3hours a night. Feeling like everyone is against you. Or feeling that low that I'm wanting to leave. I had a horrible childhood now this. I'm never happy my brain can't switch off, I think the worst of everything.

Caulk Fri 10-Nov-17 21:27:22

Can School or nursery offer some family support for you all? There are a variety of parenting courses which might help you manage your children’s needs?

What help are you getting for your anxiety?

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