Just wanted to see what everyone's reaction would be or if I've just got overly annoyed because my mother injaw is already interfering and disregards anything I say ..
My mil decided she wanted a pic with my son and her other granddaughter in fancy dress yesterday for Halloween - my son was due his jabs which he reacted badly last time so I fully prepared her and said - if he is well enough.
She messaged me through last week and said , just been in Tesco they'v got all baby Halloween stuff ( it's his first Halloween) to which I replied yes I know I was there yesterday and got him something ( my suspicion was she was trying to tell me she'd already bought him a costume - again not thinking this might be a nice thing I'd like to do...anywAy)
Yesterday comes round and my sons been sick for 4 days really upset over his needles, I sent him down with his dad for a bit while I cooked a roast. In normal clothes because he wasnt well and I wanted him to be comfortable and left alone. Next thing I get a picture from my MIL where she'd stuck him in some Halloween costume I've never seen before despite me obviously purposefully sending him down in normal comfy clothes. My babies eyes were all red where he'd obviously been crying. What would everyone else feel about this??
Yep I'd feel the same as you OP, and that's exactly something my MIL would do too.
I'd have a word with DP and ask why he let him be faffed over and changed for no reason if he was upset and crying about it. He's a baby not a doll, its purely for the adults at that age not the baby! Fine to dress them up as a bit of fun if they don't mind but not when baby is poorly and upset!
Next time id stay with your DS if possible if you don't feel comfortable about how she is with him, its not going to be too long until he can make enough of a fuss himself that she has to pay attention when he doesn't like something at least!
I would be furious !
Maybe mention to your partner I think you have every right to be annoyed!!
I've said to my husband I'm not happy at all and he's saying I'm jumping on his mum for no reason, every time he goes around I moan - I really dont this is just his way of trying to turn it around on me. He also lies to take blame for his mums actions. He's trying to say he told his mum to put him in the outfit. This is definitely not the truth - he'd never do that. And she is that pushy that she'd have got in there first. So I'm not crazy or over protective/ reacting ... I have every right to be upset? I don't know how to deal with her anymore! She's so hard faced.
Did you tell her he was feeling unwell rather than just hinting earlier in the week that he might?
I normally am in agreement with the OP over MIL, but you are being seriously precious. If he was that unwell he shouldn’t have been taken out.
Also it’s Halloween ffs, hardly a major deal. Put him whatever costume you got him and take a picture tomorrow. Sorted
Yes she knew he wasn't well. That was perfectly obvious aswell since I'd sent him down in his nice comfy clothes- for an hour. He was ok to be sat on his dads knee, not dressed up like a doll for her own amusement as the previous lady has pointed out. And as youv said it's Halloween ffs- it's not that much of a big deal to dress my baby up who isn't well just for her own satisfaction totally disregarding what his mother had said.
My MIL is pretty similar to this so i’d normally agree but as an outsider who isn’t in it and has no previous negative experience with your mil I would say you are slightly overreacting. I’m sure your partner would not have agreed to him to be dressed if he was overly uncomfortable/upset.
I think sometimes you just have to accept things won’t always go your way and it doesn’t mean it’s neccesarily the wrong way!
I would not have sent him to her house on hallo tbh if I thought she would do this
I’d be annoyed. But if he’d been mine he wouldn’t have been there when he was unwell, especially if I knew what she had planned.
This reads to me like you kinda suspected this would happen and then it did. I think in the future, you might have to listen to your own instincts a bit more??
No I didn't know she'd do this, if I did I'd have either gone or not let him go. I thought she'd bought him a fancy dress outfit just wading in for if he was well - I genuinely thought that the fact he'd been sent down in his own clothes and was only going for an hour it was pretty obvious and self explanatory that I didn't want him in fancy dress- if I did .. he'd have gone in his own fancy dress. I feel like my husbands almost scared of her or just wants an easy life - he never puts her in her place. She follows us round everywhere and he doesn't say anything .. literally just turns up on days out we're having and he doesn't say to her she's being over bearing. Even to the point she's travelled half the length of the country to Blackpool while we were there seeing the lights and only told us once she thought it would be too late for us to not meet up with her
YANBU. Photo opportunity can't be more important than keeping baby feeling comfortable when they're under the weather.
It sounds really difficult. I can only advise you based on my own experiences, which might not help you at all. I might suggest that you speak to her. Maybe you could tell her how shocked you were that baby was changed - didn't she realise he was poorly and upset? Let her know that you're not happy about it. It sounds like some boundaries are needed. You're the best judge though.
Thanks breadwithgarlicon .. it's really hard because my husband doesn't play his part. Over the last few months he's not stepped up when he's said he would sort it, I feel he's almost making up what he's said to her because he knows he should say something but because she's so pushy he just wants to keep the peace. So when I say I'm going to deal with it myself and say something..he'll like and take the blame himself - so purely just on the small off chance that he is telling the truth I'm not sure I should say something. It's so hard. My friend suggested I just don't let the baby down there without me being there to say no and watch out for it all? Which sounds simple enough but it's not going to be, not every single time.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.