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Wife and baby first or mum and dad?

(9 Posts)
Xmaxsmumx Wed 04-Oct-17 12:15:52

So just wanted an opinion from more of a range of People than just my friends ..my husbands birthday is by bonfire night, every year we've had fireworks in his mums for bonfire night but ties in for his birthday.
This last year I was pregnant for my 30th..and it's his 30th soon. So we booked a cottage to go away for the week.
I was going to get a cake made for his birthday to give him on the day-but thought my mums very good at cakes and would be cheaper. His mum openly admits she can't bake so doesn't even attempt. She also knows we're going away for his birthday and are still doing fireworks.
When I asked my mum she's asked for the third time - "does his mum know your going away for his 30th?"..and now "doesn't she want to do a cake for her son?"'.. as if I'm
Wrong for celebrating with him and trying to make it special.. SO my question is - when your married with kids, is your place with your wife and kids(and then still celebrate with everyone else , but just around that) or should yoi follow what your mum and dad still want to do with you and your wife and baby not be a priority really??

Tsotofamily Wed 04-Oct-17 12:35:09

I would say wife/ husband and kids. Its not like you havent celebrated in the past with his mum and dad. Have a lovely time

Xmaxsmumx Wed 04-Oct-17 12:40:00

That's what I was thinking and they can still
Celebrate with him just obviously around us going away? There's an on going issue of my mother in law inviting herself to things, showing up unannounced and calling 2/3 times a day-I've now asked my husband put a stop to that which he has now. I don't think this is unreasonable of me - but maybe my mum thinks it is and I'm controlling for expecting to be prioritised - honest opinions - would that not bug other people or should I be taking a step back and following mother in laws lead??

Phosphorus Wed 04-Oct-17 12:44:55

It depends.

If you can get the whole family together, that's great.

I've been married a long time.

Honestly, having had a patent die, I wish I'd spent more occasions with them, than with just my husband.

MyLittleDragon Wed 04-Oct-17 12:50:08

Maybe your mum is just anxious that your mil might make waves about you going away over your dh's birthday for the first time, and on top of that, your mum is doing the cake. It's fine. Just say "yes mum, mil is fine about the trip and about the cake." And celebrate with your mil as close to the birthday as possible, and make her feel important when you do.

Xmaxsmumx Wed 04-Oct-17 12:54:05

We go around to mine every Sunday 3.30-6.30 for a roast , and his for a couple of hours before mine, so we're there from maybe 12.30/3.30. So we're seeing them atleast once a week, sometimes more. So we do make the effort .. I just don't want to
Be living in their pockets myself-I value my time with my husband and baby for the Saturday (cz obv husband works so only see each other of sn evening which is spend running round after the baby) is that not normal? Xx

MyLittleDragon Wed 04-Oct-17 12:56:39

Also, if you haven't got anything booked in for your mil in terms of dh's bday, I'd do it now. Even if it's a small birthday buffet at yours. It means you get to choose the time and date, your mil will know what's happening so she can look forward to seeing her ds on his 30th (you take priority as his wife, but he's still her baby 🙂) and also (presumably) your dh would be pleased if you've sorted something out for his birthday to include his dp's.

StoatyMcStoatface Wed 04-Oct-17 13:34:30

In my experience most adults don't celebrate their birthdays with their parents. I'm sure that plenty of people do, but I find most people I know celebrate with friends, partners, or partners and children if they have them. I get on brilliantly with my parents but they wouldn't expect to join me, DP and DCs to celebrate my birthday, just like my grandparents didn't join us on my parents' birthday outings growing up. PIL don't expect it either, probably for the same reason.

However, we do try to see family around our birthdays, so we might have a day out somewhere on the actual day but have a Sunday roast with parents that week. Same for DCs- we sometimes see the wider family on the DCs birthdays but it's not expected by anyone, and we will make sure they see family before or after the day.

Xmaxsmumx Wed 04-Oct-17 13:39:53

Stoatymcstoatface you sound exactly like us-I feel better then I'm not being unreasonable. And not being controlling like my mum seems to be trying to imply. I thought we made a decent effort seeing them once a week and around our birthdays ... I didn't think it was very fair for us to just follow what my PIL want all the time and hang around on
Birthday celebrations. I myself would be really put out if my husband hadn't planned anything for a special birthday x

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