What do I do about my living situation?(9 Posts)
Not sure this is the right thread but I need desperate help.
I have 2 kids (2&5). I live with my mum, dad, 2 autistic adult brothers and the kids in a 4 bedroom. (My 10 year old niece also living here atm due to sister in hosp for 6 months).
My family do not look after themselves or the house. I mean you walk around for half an hour and get black feet. There will be mold growing on plates in the kitchen for a week. Rubbish is just thrown on the floor in any room and no one does anything but me. My parents say im over reacting and most of it is due to my kids making mess. I understand my kids contributes towards some of the mess as they are kids being kids but there is no need for a household of 8 people not to be able to clean anything at all and to allow the whole entire kitchen contents to be piled up on the sides unwashed for days. I cook for them all most days as my mum has raised my brothers and dad to believe that women do everything and men do nothing. One of my brothers urinates in drink bottles in his room and disposes of them about every few months when his whole entire bedroom floor is covered in filled urine bottles. My other brother sleeps in a chair as his bed is so piled up with rubbish/food wrappers/empty drink bottles that he cant sleep on it. (Keep in mind I have cleaned there rooms thousands of times over the years, repeatedly).
My parents flick there fag ash anywhere around the house even in my kids bedroom. Its devastating, my kids are beginning to believe that this is the norm and the way other people live. I try to explain that its not but my parents override everything I say.
My parents are the 'carers' for my brothers and I dont want to get them in trouble but im at a loss as to how to get out of this house. Ive been on the housing register for 5 years and now on a bidding system with no luck as im only classed as overcrowded in my house. We row all the time because I get fed up with doing it all but if I dont clean then my kids will be living in filth 24/7. What can I do? I tried the homeless route but my mum said she didnt want me to leave and told the council I could stay here. (She only wants me here so I can do everything for everyone as I have no choice cause of my mums).
Im at a loss. Ive tried to find private rrnt for 5 years and ive had nothing, everything is out of the rent budget. My council wont even give me an appountment to speak to someone as no one is in any 'danger' and because I maintain the house as much as I can its not considered living in unsanitary conditions. Im exhausted It makes me moody coming home everyday knowing I have to redo everything continuously just so I can go to bed at night knowing theres clean bowls in the morning for the kids breakfast! Theres a lot I still havent mention, was just giving a basis but please someone help me! TIA
In practical terms, I'd suggest you don't waste your time cleaning your brothers rooms, the state of their rooms need not be your concern.
Focus on the kitchen and the room where your children sleep.
Then think about what you can do to increase your income so that you can rent privately. Probably going to be a long term plan rather than an immediate fix, though. Where is the father of your DC in all this - does he contribute in money or childcare?
Hmm speak to women's Aid. You are being coerced to live in filth and slavery imho.
Sounds horrible. There must be some way you can move out. Could you afford to rent privately in a different area which might be cheaper? Have you approached housing associations?
You are being emotionally abused by your family. Your disabled brothers are also being left to rot. I would report them to adult social services as they are vulnerable adults, and refuse to clean apart from your kids bedroom. If SS visit i would then use that as evidence you and your children are in an unsafe household and need to be housed by the council. I would also take photos of the mess including your brothers rooms and the urine bottles. Speak to your MP to see if they can help. I think you need to accept that you are sadly being abused by your family and kept at home against your will as their skivvy. Speak to womens aid as well. I really feel for you and your brothers too. That is no way to live.
I would see if you can get this thread moved to somewhere like chat for more traffic...
If you have been on the housing register for 5 years then I would have thought that could be a help, could you report yourself to social services? Have them pay a visit to see the living conditions?
I assume that your oldest is in school, could you speak to the head teacher and ask if they have any contacts that could help? IME all the time that you are 'coping' you may well now get help. Bring on the tears if you have to.
This is awful - social services need to be involved especially if your brothers are disabled.
This sounds awful for you.
Have you had a health visitor come round? Could you contact the health visiting team or doctor and make them aware of your situation? They can be very helpful in getting you pushed up the housing list if it is affecting you and your childrens mental and physical health.
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