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Larger families

Would you employ help with 4dc after school?

49 replies

Mumof3cheeky · 06/08/2017 10:19

Just wondering if anyone has ever decided to pay for someone to help out after school to drop and pick dc and just denerally help if dp was working away?
We are considering no4 but as dp is away a lot of the week days I'm thinking of asking for help once dc4 is here or does that sound crazy if I'm a SAHM and 3 d at school all day??

OP posts:

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Merakcat · 06/08/2017 10:39

I would like a shot, I had a lot of help from friends and my parents when DC4 arrived (I am also a SAHP and DH was working ridiculously long hours) and I would have struggled without it.

You will always have someone say that they coped with 2 more DC's than you have and still managed without help, but so what. If it makes life better and you can afford it then it is a very good option IMO.

happy2bhomely · 06/08/2017 10:43

It doesn't sound crazy. Can you afford it?

We have 5dc. DH works around 55 hours a week over 6 days so I have them alone most of the time. I now home ed the youngest 3 (4,7,9)so I have them at home all day. The eldest are teenagers. (13,16)

When the youngest was born I absolutely would have employed someone to do the afternoon school run, which always coincided with the toddler's nap, if I could have justified the expense. I didn't drive then, so the school run was a 90 minute round trip with a sleepy toddler. I dreaded it every day.

From 2:30 to 8:30 every day was pretty full on with the school run, homework, dinner, bath time, bedtime etc. Also trying to squeeze in breastfeeding the baby in between. An extra pair of hands would have been great. DH got home at 7:30 ish so wasn't much help.

What does your DH think?

goingagain · 06/08/2017 10:52

I am pregnant with number 4, when the baby arrives the other three will be just 2, 4 and 6. I am considering full time live in help. Is that bad??

I recently resigned from my full time city job of some 14 years to be a SAHM. We have no family near by to help out. Am I copping out?

In answer to your original post, I would like a shot. Surely difficulty to concentrate on homework / after school stuff, cook tea and feed a baby to a level where all are reasonably happy? Much easier with another pair of hands.

MrsJoyOdell · 06/08/2017 11:04

No. I have 4, one with ASD and manage fine without paid 'help.' I just don't need anyone, I'm not sure what they'd do?

turquoisequeen · 06/08/2017 11:11

If you can afford the help then do it. But I'm confused by why you would consider having another child if you don't feel you could manage them?? Babies are easy. Toddlers go in pushchairs for school runs. Preschoolers go to preschool and so on. I'm sorry if I'm being really dense but I just can't imagine the conversation you'd have. 'Oh I couldn't manage another baby. Let's get pregnant!'

Mumof3cheeky · 06/08/2017 11:23

It's not the school pick up sorry If i wasn't clear, it would be for the after school clubs to help with drop off and pick up then. I could deal with them if they all stayed home after school but the constant in and out after school I think is very distruptive even for my 3 now not to meantion if there was a baby involved and to be fair I find It a huge hassle too!

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Mumof3cheeky · 06/08/2017 11:25

although I'm not sure if such role does exist

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Smartiepants79 · 06/08/2017 11:32

If you can easily afford it and you feel it will improve the quality of your lives, go for it. I have no issue with this if people can afford it. You're gving someone else a job which can only be a good thing in my opinion.
I think if it was going to put a strain on finances I would have to think quite hard.
The hustle and bustle of family life is surely part of the reason you choose to have a larger family. You don't have 4 kids for a quiet life!!

happy2bhomely · 06/08/2017 11:37

But just because someone can manage doesn't mean that they should have to, all of the time.

I could manage all 5 of mine without help, 99% of the time. But I certainly appreciated it when my mother in law could do the school run when the toddler had a temperature.

I could manage to keep the house clean but would have loved to pay someone to come and strip and remake all the beds. Having someone to help doesn't mean that someone couldn't manage without it. It just makes life easier.

Lots of people struggle with just one baby. It doesn't mean that they can't manage and shouldn't have had one. Each new baby that joins the family means that everyone has to have a bit of an adjustment. Buying in some help over that time seems pretty sensible if you can afford it. They are not small forever and in my experience, they get much easier the bigger they get.

Babies are easy Some babies are. Some most certainly are not, at all! Give me a teenager any day over a crying, teething, colicky, reflux, clingy, non-sleeping totally dependent baby.

wheresmyphone · 06/08/2017 12:39

There was some research out last week that says as people get more money they gain better life satisfaction from getting help with chores etc buying stuff. If you can afford it, do it like a shot and do not feel guilty!!!!!!

wheresmyphone · 06/08/2017 12:39

Than buying stuff.

ElizabethShaw · 06/08/2017 12:45

You can manage without I'm sure, but if you can afford it and it will make your life easier and mean the kids have more opportunities to do clubs etc then why not?

I'm a sahm currently with 2 DC and one on the way and have a summer aupair! Makes our lives easier, means I get some rest, kids get to go swimming and to sports clubs and have a fun energetic 18 year old to play with.

SleightOfMind · 06/08/2017 12:47

Yes but start looking now!
When I had the DTs we looked for after school help for precisely this reason but it was so hard to find someone for that specific time.
Most people want to either work a full day, morning or evening. The post-school bit doesn't really work for them on its own.
Try childcare students at your local college (If you're happy with an 18/19yr old) or ask other mothers you get on well with if they're happy to take and drop to clubs for one week and you do the next.

Mumof3cheeky · 06/08/2017 12:48

Thanks all I'm not by any means a perfectionist or want everything under controll. I just feel and very conscious about what the possible triggers of stress would be for me if decided to go for no4 and trying to work out if it's doable and dp is very much behind me and has always said he would support me if I wanted extra help but as I'm sure most of us have felt as a SAHM I can not justify calling someone in to help when I'm phisically able but as I'm getting older I do realise that just because I can do it without help, it doesn't mean I come out with a reward or feel like a better mum and as this would very much be a bonus baby I would like to make it a lovely experience

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LockedOutOfMN · 06/08/2017 12:52

OP, we do it with two children. It's a godsend. We have a lady in her 40s whose own children are older teens she can leave to sort themselves out. She's great! She collects from school, takes them home on the bus, gives them their after school snack, reminds them to change their clothes then takes them to activities or gets hw started and if DH and I will both be late she gives them dinner too (ours are 6 and 9). She has also done occasional babysitting at weekends for us but she's not around in the holidays as she works full time then at a camp. (I'm a teacher so it works out fine).

Other friends have similar arrangements but some use uni students instead.

I think you will love having the extra help!

EezerGoode · 06/08/2017 12:57

I had 4 ,4 different schools as well.no dh help...but I wouldn't of had numbers 3 or 4 if I didn't feel I could cope...no way would I of justified paying for help either.i home educated for 9 yrs..then they all ended up a different schools.so difficult school run...I think I'd of loved a live in cleaner ..but not sure they existed 😜

bellaandby · 06/08/2017 12:58

I wouldn't and don't.

Having said that my DC are well versed in the after school routine, I'm not sure what an extra person would do. I'm a single parent to 4DC who works full time btw

Mumof3cheeky · 06/08/2017 13:08

If you don't mind me me asking bellaandby, how do your children get to the after school clubs and back home again unless they are all at school in which case it would solve all my problems

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bellaandby · 06/08/2017 18:59

After school clubs are the easiest bit because it gives me another hr after school before I have to get them.

Monday they have Ju Jitsu so I either start an hr early so I can leave early or I rope their dad in or they have to miss it

Mumof3cheeky · 06/08/2017 19:14

I see, unfortunately none of our after school clubs are in the actual school so by the time we get home we have about an hr and have to leave again and there are a few of this a week which means they all get dragged out as dp is away hence my post

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ElizabethShaw · 06/08/2017 19:15

Seems odd to say you don't know what an extra person would do . Obviously if you don't have anyone to help you just have limited options and you manage and get on with it, but an extra pair of hands means one child can go to swimming lessons without bringing everyone, or kids can do different activities at the same time, or one child wants picking up from their friends house at the same time the little ones go to bed, or there's a school disco or parent's evening, or even just someone to do tea while you get everything ready for the next day so you finish earlier in the evening. I can think of hundreds of things for an extra person to do.

bellaandby · 06/08/2017 22:22

Elizabeth, well i suppose it might sound odd but our routine works well. Another person in the mix would mess it up I think!

All chores, dinners, stuff for the next day is worked out. I suppose an extra person would make life easier but I don't feel like my life is particularly hard. That's not to say others don't struggle, I've just been on my own for so long that it's my reality and I get on with it.

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Mumof3cheeky · 07/08/2017 08:05

Bellandby, that all makes perfect sense to me and have no problem being prepared for the following day but I suspect you and your children have moved on from this stage of life when a toddler and baby involved. Also don't see how you are at work full time if you are doing school runs then going to after school clubs with 4 children. Doesn't add up but I'm sure you are doing an amazing job! X

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Crumbs1 · 07/08/2017 08:09

Absolutely. I had six and from time the first was tiny I always had some sort of help - either cleaner/mothers help or later a nanny separate to a cleaner. Eventually a housekeeper who would do children's supper if I was late etc.

OwnLittleIsland · 07/08/2017 08:15

Wow crumbs that's Ana. What a different perspective of motherhood! I'd have loved that.

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