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(33 Posts)
Redpramlady Sun 28-May-17 11:27:11

So firstly I will apologise for my ramble in advance.

Recently decided that we will stick at two children we have one of each. This has gone from a decision of wanting third to not for these reasons

One - my husbands job allows him to travel to amazing places around the world. This year we get to go too hurrah. With three this would be a lot more expensive and we probably would be able to go. Not sure I can sorry on seeing him travel around without us. (Selfish maybe)

Two- my two are happy at the moment. Eldest has asd and they are close in age making activities easier they enjoy the same things. How do people manage a bigger age gap with things to do? Mine are two and four ATM

Three- sometimes I'm at my wits end already ha! Body feels knackered


The pang or a larger family gets me every time. Mainly when they are older having a support network and just having that larger family tribe. I'm an only child my husband from a larger family

Anyway my point is I'm neve sure what the right decision is. Wish I had a crystal ball. I really don't want to grow old wondering what if or having the regret.

Any wisdom and it my way!

Redpramlady Sun 28-May-17 11:27:52

Send it my way!

ThroughThickAndThin01 Sun 28-May-17 11:31:00

Always a difficult one. People always tend to say "you regret the children you don't have not the ones you do" but imo it's not that simple.

I'd say sticking with two is by far the more sensible option.

Redpramlady Sun 28-May-17 11:35:30

Thank you for responding!
Agreed I don't think it's that simple it's the logistics of it all. Mine are quite full on. I'm not really sure why or what I'm looking for on here lol but juts feeling I need to have some wisdom sent my way!

Redpramlady Sun 28-May-17 11:35:40

Anyone one of three?

MamaHanji Sun 28-May-17 11:49:24

I'm one of three. I have 2 children already and will hopefully be having more whether it's biological or adopted. I absolutely adored growing up in a big family, and at 23,25,26 we are so close. We are also really close with a lot of our cousins, so I'm used to a big family.

I love my girls, but our family doesn't feel complete yet.

On the flip side...I'm sure having 3 children was exhausted and expensive for my parents. But still.

Redpramlady Sun 28-May-17 12:12:52

How lovely! This is the idillic picture I envisage and long for
However I guess you juts never know if it will work out this way. I see so many contrasting experiences

MamaHanji Sun 28-May-17 14:54:53

Don't get me wrong, when we were kids we fought like cats and dogs. But we also had amazing times and adventures as a little tribe. I do know some people who have said they wished they stopped at 2 though. But also others that wished they had more.

YoureNotASausage Sun 28-May-17 20:21:36

I'll have a 4, 3 and 2yr old when accidental #4 arrives. I was very happy with my 3 close together and sometimes now that I'm over the shock feel excited about the 4th also being close and then being a tribe.

For OP, going to 3 was a massive jump but then mine were all tiny at the same time. It is very hard work and the logistics are borderline total pain in the ass. From what you've said I'd stick with 2 but I know if it was me, I'd be 'unreasonable' and still have the third. Not sure I'd be recommending a 4th though.....

Redpramlady Mon 29-May-17 19:25:14

Aw lovely congrats! How exciting

Yes fully prepared that it would snack me in the face especially as mine are much more independent now

Simple fact is head says no heart says yes!
I've read so many threads on having three and as soon as I decide no days later I'm back on thinking about it again!

So hard

MaidenMotherCrone Mon 29-May-17 20:32:06

I've 3, grown up now. I remember thinking I've only two hands to hold with, two knees to sit on etc. It is a big jump from 2. I'd do it all over again though, in a heartbeat.

3 is not a big family. 6, now that is a big family. I number 5 of 6. It was/is shit IME.

OhDearToby Mon 29-May-17 21:10:48

I'm due my number 3 in two weeks so no wisdom on the practicalities of having 3 yet.

On the big age gap thing though, my first two have nearly 6 years between them and to be honest its been pretty easy finding stuff they both enjoy. We go to the library a lot, little one runs around while the bigger one does whatever she wants to. Same at the museum, farm parks, beach, walks etc. The only problem I have encounter so far is keeping a toddler occupied while the eldest has her after school activities. Bored toddler at dinner time is never going to be fun.

Its also really helpful having another pair of eyes on the toddler. For example Dd1 can stop her from climbing onto the bookshelf while I make myself a cup of tea or sort dinner.

Borntoflyinfirst Mon 29-May-17 21:20:33

I'm the youngest of 3 (all girls) and DH is the middle of 3 (boy, boy, girl). We now have 3 of our own (g, b,g)

In my family the age gaps were 2 years then 4. Probably a bit easier as we were all girls. We did and do get on well.

With DH there are 2 years between the boys then a 10 year gap to the girl. Probably like bringing up a second family with 10 years in between. They have a complicated story regarding getting on with each other!

With ours we have just under 2 years, then 3 1/2 years. They actually all get on really well. The older 2 tend to get treated much the same but now the youngest is catching up and they do mix and match with things they do together so no-one is left out all the time.

I always felt like I 'wasn't done' after 2 even though we had one of each. Practically we had space in the house but did need to get a bigger car and it did feel like we had years and years of baby stuff (which is now all gone!) I do know that I don't want any more though and did as soon as she was born. Mind you her birth was the hardest of the 3!!

Redpramlady Mon 29-May-17 21:50:20

Maiden... lovely to hear you would do it all again! Fuzzy feeling!!What were the age gaps?

Redpramlady Mon 29-May-17 21:52:39

Thanks for info re gaps! One of my biggest worry s is finding stuff they like , don't want to feel like I'm letting them down


Redpramlady Mon 29-May-17 21:59:44


My gaps would be (if works out as planned)
Similar to you and your siblings with a gap of four years before baby arrived (there are 17months between my first two)

Juts don't feel done either!!! I feel like all the baby stuff is in the loft waiting! I got all huffy the other day and said I juts need to get rid of it all but I juts can't. we need a bigger house anyways and we have a large car already.

Redpramlady Mon 29-May-17 22:00:39

I have names picked out .... crazy. Ay!

ALemonyPea Mon 29-May-17 22:03:27

I'm one of three, the. Idle child, and I felt very left out growing up, still do and I'm 36.

Saying that, I do have three DC myself. The third one slotted in very easily, didn't know we had him really. They're older now, and at times the best of mates, at other times they duo team together and are mean to the left out one, it really annoys me when they do that.

MaybeNextTime Sun 16-Jul-17 21:39:41

Did you ever make up your mind Red? I could have written your OP sad wish I could see into the future!

EmmyOlly Thu 20-Jul-17 17:58:59

I'm in the same boat, I have two and would love another close in age 2 years between my two and youngest is 6 months now. It's the constant feeling of "not complete" but would I have that feeling with a third?

Redpramlady Wed 07-Feb-18 16:06:00


Here I am again (apologies for reviving an old thread I had missed your comment!

No undecided! Still! Hence why I'm back in here Haha Haha!

Main concerns are my two have a strong bond already! The whole family dynamics are my worry. would another disrupt that or add to it? My god I wish I had a crystal ball.

Juts don't feel complete, yet don't want to do the wrong thing and it's literally driving both hubby and I up the wall! Consumes all my thoughts at the moment.

Oly5 Wed 07-Feb-18 16:12:39

I have 3 aged 5, 3 and 3 months. It’s wonderful. We weren’t complete before, now we are. I feel
Like they are close enough in age that I’ll be able to entertain them together. The elder two adore the baby.. so far! I’m not going to lie, it’s hard work but definitely worth it. My eldest is also very helpful in fetching nappies etc and likes to help!

Redpramlady Wed 07-Feb-18 16:26:54

Oly5 that's lovely! Congrats! Did you agonise like me making the decision? I'm literally driving myself nuts!!! When we bought our dd home (dc2) we both said I don't think this will be the last time
We go up and down constantly

Mine would be 5 1/2 ish and 4 ish
I honestly feel like it's now or never

kaz86 Wed 07-Feb-18 18:24:36

I have 3 and love it smile.
I want a fourth and I'm in your predicament. I know 4 is the max, and I feel happy with 4. However my
Brain says no 😂.

Wallywobbles Wed 07-Feb-18 19:31:06

I've gone from 2 to 4. Aged 9-13. Flights are now really expensive. Long haul is unlikely to ever happen with the kids as it's too expensive. We get invited less often. Because no one has room. We go out to restaurants a LOT less often. They fight even more.

It's clearly not all bad. And we are both from bigger families 5&6, but I'm fairly sure my eldest would have preferred less siblings.

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