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Tell me about 4.,,,

(9 Posts)
Leavesandburies Thu 18-May-17 06:36:25

I've recently discovered I'm pregnant with accidental #4. When it arrives I'll have a 4,3 and 2 yr old, so total chaos already. I'm seriously panicking but little things keep making my heart sink and very occasionally soar. Tell me what it's like, I need to accept this and cope before the morning sickness kicks in fully and brings me even lower.

The car! Thank god we've a 7 seater already but the back seats are so hard to get into with baby seats even in only 2 of the middle seats.

Childminder! Thank god ive a nanny and she is thrilled with the news but 4 seats will not fit in her car. I'll have to get her on our insurance and buy another little car for DH to take to work occasionally when he needs it.

Bedtime, I've a good routine now but that's because 2 are in cots. Only one will be when this one comes and the one coming out of the cot is a strong minded one. Bedtime could get tricky.

They all sleep ok but that because they have a room each. It was already tricky when my parents visit (fairly regularly) as no spare room. Now they are going to have to share. They without a doubt will be up earlier.

Nobody will ever look after them for us will they. 3 was already pushing it.

I'm going to shout more than I already do aren't I. And be more exhausted.

All the exciting things I'd planned like Disney will have to be pushed back another 2 yrs.

My mum is going to be so disappointed, and worried, and stressed for me. She's already been so critical of the 3 being close together and how tough it is.

On the plus side, we'll have another little brother/sister for our gorgeous gang. Without question they will be unique and special and we won't imagine them not existing once they arrive.

Oddsocksforeveryone Thu 18-May-17 08:11:54

Congratulations! I'm 16 weeks with surprise #4 (if I'm honest I still don't think it's really sunk in yet) our 3 are 7yo, 5yo, 10 month old.
Morning sickness nearly put me in hospital this time but now I'm taking pills 3 times a day I usually only get sick if I forget one or eat something baby doesn't like. So if you do get bad sickness just call Dr and ask for something.
Our car broke so we are now carless, but H has work van so we can't go out as family but he can go to work.
No nanny or childminder or babysitter here.
The older two are in one room, baby Co sleeps with me but hopefully will be going in her cot, new baby will be in with me too. Noisy snoring H is in the box room that we decorated for dd lol.
The oldest is the only one who sleeps through, the other two are not sleepers. I haven't slept more than an hour straight for 7 years.
My mum was very upset.
And I've had 3 sections so this one will be another.

It all sounds a bit drastic and at the moment I'm working on trying to de clutter the house (dd is crawling and trying to walk/pulling herself up on furniture so is very helpful) in the hopes that it will help make my life easier. We put laminate in living room so all downstairs is flooring rather than carpet which has changed my life.
I am currently swinging between planning to be laid back, or super organised.
Good luck OP and I'm hoping there will be women with experience along to tell us how they do it!

Leavesandburies Thu 18-May-17 08:44:01

Thank you so much oddsocks. It sounds like you will be fine, I guess we both will be. I just really didn't want this and when my pragmatic personality kicks in I still can't ignore what other people's reactions will be. My husband works long long hours (basically every evening till midnight and every weekend both days) and I've been in tears about that a fair few times recently. A lot of family know I'm struggling so I can imagine what their reaction will be. I'm just praying that going from 3-4 is easier than 2-3.

Oddsocksforeveryone Thu 18-May-17 09:34:52

Oh bless you. That must be really hard with your husband away so much.
I think life would be a lot easier if everyone would accept that not every pregnancy/baby/child is the same and just because some find it easy doesn't mean everyone will but it's ok to struggle. Babies and children can be hard, frustrating, endless work and at the same time amazing and wonderful. Is very confusing. I don't know about your mother but mine seems to only remember the good, our childhoods were all picnics and parties and fun and laughter, she seems to have blocked out the crying and sleep deprivation etc so I think has unrealistic expectations of how I should "cope". My youngest is a screamer, thankfully now she's chilled out a bit but screams hysterically in the pushchair. So every morning I'm that knackered mother on the school run with messy hair, no make up and a screaming baby lol. But the thing is the years just disappear. Having them close together means they'll be a team, and you'll have enough players for board games.
Little one was just sick on my bed whilst I was typing, highs and lows haha

Wallywobbles Thu 18-May-17 10:07:47

Finding people that can have us to stay is complicated. Going out to dinner is very expensive and we tend to do it when as many as possible are elsewhere.

3Dds 1Ds makes hotels etc more expensive as room sharing not possible as they get older.

mikeyssister Thu 18-May-17 10:31:31

I found 3-4 much easier than 2-3 and DD2 was less than a year when the baby was born.

It's the practical things I found difficult - getting DD1 to playschool because it meant getting two babies ready first. And the sleepless nightsshock

I won't lie the first year and half were very difficult, but then I fell into a routine and it just seemed to get easier and easier. I had a part time baby minder for a year when youngest was a year as I started working for myself and then we had au pairs.

All are now in secondary school or university and I look back to those early days with regret. It was so much fun and I really didn't appreciate it at the time. The dynamics of 4 is fantastic, nobody ever gets left out and there's always someone to play with.

All I can say is enjoy enjoy enjoy

mikeyssister Thu 18-May-17 11:05:38

Oh and everyone had an opinion on us having 4, and going from 3 to 4 so quickly. We told everyone no 4 was planned (which she was, just not expected quite so quickly) and we were absolutely thrilled. It still annoys me that people pass comment, but we're in Ireland so it's not that unusual.

We tend to take holidays at home or in Wales and have had some fantastic holidays in holiday camps, especially Haven.

There's no denying that 4 are expensive, but finding time to give them individually is the worst thing I find.

I absolutely don't regret it though.

Vonklump Fri 19-May-17 22:32:19

3-4 was easier than 2-3.
With a small gap you haven't left babyhood behind. As in, you weren't nearly at the Disney stage and all that jazz.

Parenting wise I became a little "Nice try, child, I've seen it all before."

People feel free to ask personal questions like "Was it planned?"
I came up with a smart arse answer. It will out me if I say what it is, but along the lines of "The television broke," shuts them up.

I wouldn't change it either.

Submit Sat 20-May-17 22:44:19

3-4...piece of cake! It's just one more seat, bed, set of clothes etc.

I have my children in quick succession too. I would imagine it is easier than having a big age gap and having to go back to the baby/toddler phase.

Almost forgot... congratulations

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