3rd child big age gap(14 Posts)
Hi we are considering ttc a third child. Our children are boy aged 11 and girl aged 8. Family and friends think we are crazy and say we are going to struggle with the age gap.
Has anyone had a similar gap? Any advise on if it's a really bad idea? Xx
I have 2 age gaps, 4dd in total, eldest almost 16, then 9,8 and 2!
Was only 19 when I had the eldest and deffo enjoy the youngest one more than the others. Much more patience etc.
Are you happy? Do you want another child together? Are you able to financially support this child? If yes then I think your family should be supporting you.
I'm expecting my third , my age gaps make yours look tiny OP :-)
Why are you canvassing the opinions of friends and family on such a big decision. Do you think you will struggle with the age gap?
Yes, there will be some challenges with this particular gap but there are challenges that come with each type of gap.
I'm in the same boat. I have dd13 and ds12. 33 weeks pregnant with Ds2.
There's 13 years between me and my youngest sister and I'm closer to her than my other 2 sisters!
Thanks for your replies. I was quite shocked at the reaction of friends and family, a few have said go for it but majority are against and say it's not fair on my current 2. They can't see why I would want another abs "ruin" what we have. X
Ruin it? With a new member of the family? What a fragile idea they have of a happy family! That's their problem, not yours.
I have a similar age gap- 12/8 and 2. The older 2 absolutely adore the youngest . Only issue we've had is that days out and holidays require a bit more thought so that all 3 are catered for.
When I was born, my sister was 12 and my brother was 10. My mother has always said that I kept her young, I'm close to both my siblings (I'm now 47) and have never seen a problem with the gap - I loved being an aunt an 16 (less keen on being a great aunt at 44!)
When we finally have no 3 we will have 2 age gaps. We have dd10 and ds4. We've had 2 mc over the past year so would have had slightly big gaps as it is but now they will be even bigger than planned. I'm almost 6 weeks pg again and if all goes well this time dd will be 11 and ds will be about to turn 5!
I don't think gaps are as important as some think, ignore people with their silly comments.
If you want another then go for it
My dad is 17 years younger than his next sibling (one of 3). He was effectively an only child.
I am probably not best qualified to help here as I am expressing my fears about a third DC on another thread, and I am worried about some similar issues.
But if it helps, I am from a big family with some large age gaps. My oldest sibling is ten years older than me and my youngest about six years younger. The sibling I am least close to is the one closest to my age. I don't think my parents necessarily struggled with the age gap - although it did mean they were actively parenting for a long time. I think it was nice for my mum to still have one at home when the rest of us had flown the nest. That sister was in a way an only child for a while but in a way that benefited her - she got more one on one time than the rest of us. And in fact she wasn't an only child, she had loads of siblings who adore her, so in some ways she had the best of both worlds!
One thing I see on here frequently about large age gaps is the difficulty of co-ordinating activities and holidays and days out so everybody is happy. This wasn't a problem for us growing up as we didn't have many days out (partly because there wasn't loads of money around and partly because my parents were very OK with us fitting into their lives rather than the other way round. We were often bored and from their point of view that was fine, which I now think is about right). If there was anything, we essentially had to like it or lump it. I think I will take a similar attitude with my own kids!
I am in a similar position as you. DDs are 9 & 7 and we are ttc right now. We have thought about it for a long time and just feel not quite 'done'. I am hoping the age gap will be great having 2 little helpers!!!!
I know if it happens for us, lots of people will be very surprised (not mentioned our plans to anyone!!!) and think we are barmy, but I bet they will all still want cuddles when the baby arrives!!!!
Good luck & do what feels right for you!
We had second dd when ds was
Almost 12 and dd almost 9.
We then felt she would feel a bit like an only child on days out once old enough to notice. So we had second ds 3 years on.
Having two and two has had its rewards and its challenges. Parenting teens and toddlers at the same time is no joke. I often feel I can't meet the needs of all of them so I then prioritise with the result of feeling torn in lots of directions and failing to actually please anyone...
But on the whole it's good. Eldest has moved out so it's a bit sad his little brother won't really remember him being at home... but they get on well and I can see them having a close bond in later life. I threaten teen dd with sending little dd to hers when she herself is an awful teen- my ultimate revenge!
I often feel tired though of parenting for so long (almost 20 years now) and some days feel I'm not as good a Mum to the little ones as I was to the older ones...
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