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Pregnant with third, aged 44. Terrified. Tell me this will be OK.

(5 Posts)
underneaththestone Thu 20-Apr-17 09:25:28

Hello everybody. I'm in a real mess. I am pregnant (planned but sort of unexpected due to my age if that makes sense) with my third. First two are 9 and 7. I always wanted three, but work, life, etc, meant it was never the right time. Last year I got accidentally pregnant and lost the baby. It sent my hormones a bit mad I think and I was desperate for another. But now that it's happened, I am utterly terrified and depressed. I am totally mortified to admit this.

Before I got pregnant I could only think of the good bits of a larger family. Now, I can only think of the bad, and keep stumbling on threads on here that talk about how hard it is, how people regret their third, etc. I am worried about my age, what other people will think/say, about the age gap with current DC, our finances, my career ... everything!

And the worst thing is because I told everybody including DH how much I wanted this, I don't feel that I can talk to anyone in real life about how I now feel I've made the very worst mistake of my life. I am past the point of no return.

Any reassurance would be so gratefully received!

FourToTheFloor Thu 20-Apr-17 15:38:05

I had this with dd2 and I'd had 2 mc and it took way longer to conceive than I thought it would.

I was depressed from about 4 weeks until maybe 24/26 weeks. It was shit and in the early days I wanted to have a mc as I thought I'd made a terrible decision going for dc2.

Once the depression finally lifted I could enjoy the pregnancy and contrary to what I thought I didn't suffer pnd when she was born.

What I'm waffling on about is trying to say it's probably just your hormones more than actually not wanting dc3.

ChaiTeaTaiChi Thu 20-Apr-17 15:43:09

I was a bit the same with my youngest (who is several years younger than the others). I really wanted to get pregnant after several losses but when I did I was scared and and really didn't want to be anymore. That didn't really resolve until the baby was born and then I was madly in love with them!
I won't tell you its not hard balancing a baby with older kids (and a toddler and teens is even worse!) but I'm so happy I did it.

underneaththestone Thu 20-Apr-17 16:24:11

Thanks so much for responding. I guess these feelings are normal. I have to keep reminding myself that 'hard' isn't necessarily terrible. I am always telling my DCs that hard things are the most rewarding - guess I need to take a piece of my own advice! I am really hoping that when I meet the baby I will have that instant love thing. At the moment I just can't imagine loving another baby and I am really worried about bonding and all I can think about is how difficult it's going to be!! Aaaaargh.

Minxmumma Wed 17-May-17 15:38:05

Hi. Ok I am 42 and Minx is my 4th and is now 6months old. My other 3 are 20 and twins of 15. After 2 rounds of cancer with all the trimmings we were told a baby wasn't possible - apparently stats suck! She was a total mishap and like you I was terrified to the point that I didn't tell anyone until after a scan confirmed all was ok.

In all honesty despite the age thing meaning sometimes I am tired in loads of ways this time is so much easier. I know all her funky phases will pass, the things that seemed so blooming important before just aren't any more.
I had all the same doubts and worries but now I realise that age and experience are a blessing

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