Pregnant with third, aged 44. Terrified. Tell me this will be OK.(5 Posts)
Hello everybody. I'm in a real mess. I am pregnant (planned but sort of unexpected due to my age if that makes sense) with my third. First two are 9 and 7. I always wanted three, but work, life, etc, meant it was never the right time. Last year I got accidentally pregnant and lost the baby. It sent my hormones a bit mad I think and I was desperate for another. But now that it's happened, I am utterly terrified and depressed. I am totally mortified to admit this.
Before I got pregnant I could only think of the good bits of a larger family. Now, I can only think of the bad, and keep stumbling on threads on here that talk about how hard it is, how people regret their third, etc. I am worried about my age, what other people will think/say, about the age gap with current DC, our finances, my career ... everything!
And the worst thing is because I told everybody including DH how much I wanted this, I don't feel that I can talk to anyone in real life about how I now feel I've made the very worst mistake of my life. I am past the point of no return.
Any reassurance would be so gratefully received!
I had this with dd2 and I'd had 2 mc and it took way longer to conceive than I thought it would.
I was depressed from about 4 weeks until maybe 24/26 weeks. It was shit and in the early days I wanted to have a mc as I thought I'd made a terrible decision going for dc2.
Once the depression finally lifted I could enjoy the pregnancy and contrary to what I thought I didn't suffer pnd when she was born.
What I'm waffling on about is trying to say it's probably just your hormones more than actually not wanting dc3.
I was a bit the same with my youngest (who is several years younger than the others). I really wanted to get pregnant after several losses but when I did I was scared and and really didn't want to be anymore. That didn't really resolve until the baby was born and then I was madly in love with them!
I won't tell you its not hard balancing a baby with older kids (and a toddler and teens is even worse!) but I'm so happy I did it.
Thanks so much for responding. I guess these feelings are normal. I have to keep reminding myself that 'hard' isn't necessarily terrible. I am always telling my DCs that hard things are the most rewarding - guess I need to take a piece of my own advice! I am really hoping that when I meet the baby I will have that instant love thing. At the moment I just can't imagine loving another baby and I am really worried about bonding and all I can think about is how difficult it's going to be!! Aaaaargh.
Hi. Ok I am 42 and Minx is my 4th and is now 6months old. My other 3 are 20 and twins of 15. After 2 rounds of cancer with all the trimmings we were told a baby wasn't possible - apparently stats suck! She was a total mishap and like you I was terrified to the point that I didn't tell anyone until after a scan confirmed all was ok.
In all honesty despite the age thing meaning sometimes I am tired in loads of ways this time is so much easier. I know all her funky phases will pass, the things that seemed so blooming important before just aren't any more.
I had all the same doubts and worries but now I realise that age and experience are a blessing
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.