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Wanting a fourth....

(14 Posts)
Mumofboys2987 Tue 21-Feb-17 17:36:25

Hi smile... lately baby fever has been hanging over me big time. I'm so ridiculously broody that it hurts. I have ds1 who is 10 ds2 is 8 and ds3 who is almost 2. OH is pretty much leaving it to me since he's happy with either or. My oldest 2 are so close and I would love my littlest to have it too but am I being selfish wanting another and taking away his one on one time and changing the dynamics of an already busy home. Any advice welcome ♡

Lilaclily Tue 21-Feb-17 17:39:38

If you can afford it and dh is on board I'd go for it
I'm the youngest of four and love being part of a big family

We stopped at 2 because we knew we couldn't afford holidays , clothes etc for more

BeauticianNotMagician81 Wed 22-Feb-17 08:22:32

We have four. I have ds1 12, ds2 10, ds3 3 and ds4 7 months. Ds1 and 2 are 17 months apart. We wanted a close gap between ds3 and 4 but it took longer than it had before. We almost gave up trying.

Dh had a vasectomy once ds4 was born as we are at our financial limit now. We wanted to be able to still take the children on holidays and for treats etc. Four is fab but it's hard work. The hardest part for me is the housework. Not a single room is ever tidy for more than 10 minutes and I never seem to get to the bottom of the wash pile grin

Mumofboys2987 Wed 22-Feb-17 13:46:16

Haha thanks for the comment. I'm. Wondering if it would be so much worse with four than three. My washing pile never ends even when I think I've mastered it someone left something out. I would really love a fourth but think it will need a long hard think first, after all they don't stay small and helpless for long

user1467633132 Wed 22-Feb-17 13:51:23

I have 4 DSs. They're 10, 7, 4 and 2. 4 is so much more work than 3! Three seemed busy but manageable, but I have to say 4 has been crazy hard work. I didn't find the jump from 2 to 3 too bad, but number 4 somehow has pushed me to the limit. I'm sad I'm not having another newborn, but for me the reality of having 4, 2 of whom actively hate each other is just too much. Should say of course, I do adore them all and wouldn't be without any of them, but I'm shattered, mentally, emotionally and physically!

BeauticianNotMagician81 Wed 22-Feb-17 15:58:47

I agree 4 is definitely much harder than 3. Especially with the nice big age gap here. Ds3 just slotted in and when the older boys were at school it was like having an only child for a bit.

Ds4 is adorable and a good baby but I don't get a spare moment. The older two are grumpy pre teens, the toddler is well a toddler and regularly into mischief. Ds4 has no choice but to get on with it really as I feel like I'm stretched just a bit too far. Don't get me wrong I love them all to bits but in hind sight 3 was enough. I can't wait to see the dynamic as they all grow and I'd happily have had one more but the sensible part of me knows I'm at my limit now

Mumofboys2987 Wed 22-Feb-17 16:31:21

Reading all this helps hugely. Nice to know im not too crazy. the more I think of doing it the more I realise just how challenging 3 boys can be. The littlest is fine most of the time typical early stage toddler (still to hit terrible twos) but the older two can't stand each other most days and I spend my time as the devil mother referee so maybe 3 is my magic number

slightlyinsane Thu 23-Feb-17 00:37:22

The only thing I ever say these days is "how would you feel if #4 turned out to be #4&5?"
We decided to try for no4 and got a bonus one too. I can't tell you what having 4 is like but I can tell you the leap from 3 to 5 is really hard, being pulled in too many different directions.

Mumofboys2987 Thu 23-Feb-17 12:18:08

Wow! You must be super mum in the making. I've always wanted a big family but if anything four would be my absolute limit. The thought of 5 is terrifying. My little home made army is already hands full enough

yaela123 Sat 25-Feb-17 09:59:44

I think there is a reason why 3 is still seen as a relatively normal family but 4 counts as a big family. It is a change.

This is copied from another thread but I thought is was relevant here too:

We only planned 4 but have ended up with 6 (accidental twins) and I love having a big family. I grew up with only one sister

I was 27 when I had my first which is quite old for a large family but then again I fall pregnant quite easily and this is different for everyone.

They have relatively big age gaps which has kept me slightly more sane except the last three are very close together. They are now 16, 14, 10, 6, 5, 5

All spontaneity goes out the window (especially since we don't have a car) but it is still crazy chaos most the time

You need to also think about practical and financial things. But don't let this stop you. Mine don't have all the latest gadgets that their friends do or the fancy holidays abroad every year but that doesn't mean they have less fun or less of a childhood iyswim.

(PS. camping is your friend)

brokencrayons Sat 25-Feb-17 18:42:39

I absolutely feel the same as you and my kids are 8,7,and 14 months. Like you, I want my youngest to have that partner in crime relationship that my older two have. they are inseparable.

My husband is leaving the decision to me :/

I say go for it if you can afford it. smile
x

Afreshstartplease Sun 26-Feb-17 07:25:38

I am four months in to having four

They are 9, 7, 3 and 4 months

Although I did find the early days so very very very BUSY dare I say it now seems to be easing?

bleughhh Tue 28-Feb-17 18:20:32

Hello - in a very similar situation. DCs are nearly 9, 7 and 2. And I did get pregnant but miscarried 7 weeks ago. The pregnancy was not planned (a drunk moment of 'let's just see what happens) but I was very sad to lose the baby at about 9 weeks. Now dithering about whether to try again. I'm worried about being stretched too thinly and my age - I'm nearly 42. Husband is leaving it up to me...

Mumofboys2987 Tue 28-Feb-17 20:17:29

So sorry to hear of your miscarriage, how awful for you all. I don't think you should allow your age to get in the way but I understand the hesitation of a repeat. I think your plan the first time was best 'just see what happens' all the best.

Absolutely love all of the messages, so nice to speak to people in the same boat.... sadly I'm still not any closer to making my own decision, scared of what extra chaos I bring to an already mad house. Also just found out I'm going to be an aunty and wouldn't want to over shaddow my sisters first pregnancy and would also like to be the best aunt I can with loads of time for him/her. Maybe find my answer at the bottom of a bottle of wine lol smile

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