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Nothing is ever good enough, kids always seem miserable and ungrateful. Its exhausting

(14 Posts)
swirl12 Sun 29-Jan-17 23:48:46

Its true, the week is all go go go and the weekend the 3 kids, 11, 9 (very high maintenance child) and 6 all bicker and fight and want to go out here and there... and we are just too tired, there is always so much house keeping to do as well, cooking for every one 3 meals a day plus snacks.

MOSTLY Im sick of the fights in our family, its effecting us as a couple because hubby has to go to work on Monday and the weekend was a full time job ... he never feels he has time to have head space.

The kids also have become really negative and miserable, nothing is fun enough, good enough, it feels as though all the work as a parent is just taken for granted and its really hard to be nice to kids when they complaining all the time, i find myself saying things I don't mean and I look at them and feel terrible.

My husband and I are not feeling like the best parents and we wonder if it just us or is this just family life?

I have so much house keeping to do at home, I feel like as i clean they are behind me messing, what i just cleaned up!

When I am at the shops, they are always in my face I want I want I want, i can't even think about what I'm doing,

I take them overseas when ever I can to broaden their mindsets , they get everything, they play club sports and have the best sports shoes, we take them to any sports game they need and we are there watching a cheering.

But then the other child will think they are not being loved enough and the bickering starts all over again.. Im trying so hard to have a good life and give them a good life.. between private schools, club sports, being a full time house mother at home, family, keeping fit and keeping positive.. its bloody exhausting..

What are we doing wrong!! I fear i must sound like a seriously ungrateful and negative mother.. Please know we and I ARE trying my best..

HELP!

Tsotofamily Mon 30-Jan-17 10:51:40

Swirl I think it's just family life, my house was relatively tidy on Friday, I'm now sat in what looks like a hurricane has just passed through. I second the bickering and sometimes I don't think they even know what their arguing over. To try and decrease the arguing over what file. We watch or where we go out etc, I get the kids to write their film they want to watch on a piece of paper put it in a pot and then someone say youngest first picks one out whatever is on it we watch (no arguments or I hope) same with days out although mine all seem to be happy to go bowling, skating, swimming or at a push the park as long as my son has a football and possibly a friend.
They also have chores they have to do
Dd1 sorts out the dogs
Ds drys up and puts away
Dd2 helps with recycling
they all have an ex training chore at the weekend which again they pick out of a pot so again no arguing, dd2 is always the same to help me clean the kitchen she does the cupboard doors (she's just turned 5) and believe it or not she actually asked what her chore was grin
Last year I tried to spend one on one time with them as much as I could but this year I'm going to make more of a point of it once every couple of months, I know it doesn't sound alot but with working every other weekend, football matches and parties itshould more doable then promising once a month and kids seem happy with it. So last night we put 1, 2 and 3 on a piece of paper they got to pick one out of pot to decide who was going 1st 2nd or 3rd, but before this they argued who was going to pick out first so I made them do rock paper scissors ( can't win them all) lol

Tsotofamily Mon 30-Jan-17 10:52:11

Omg I've waffled on abit sorry blush

ImperialBlether Mon 30-Jan-17 10:56:22

You have six hours a day when they're away in school, don't you? I would make that time my weekend, rather than Saturday and Sunday. I feel for your husband not having that time to himself.

endofthelinefinally Mon 30-Jan-17 11:09:52

The thing that always worked for us was child swapping. It takes a bit of organising. Invite one friend each for 2 dc and organise the 3rd dc to go to a friend. Rotate this arrangement at weekends for as long as necessary. Other parents will be grateful to join in.
It completely changes the group dynamics.
Perhaps you are doing too many organised activities. If possible share transport/attendance with other families.
You just need a good system in place.
They grow up so fast.
I lost my eldest child recently. I would give anything to have those days over again.
Hang in there.

swirl12 Mon 30-Jan-17 22:03:44

yes, the systems seem the way. I will contact some people to see about the child swapping thing. you would be surprised how many parents have organised activities on the weekends thou. I have decided this year to pull out of weekend activities, it is too busy for the kids to have school all week and then sports trainings 2 times a week plus games on weekends... there is no time for family and friends...
I am so so sorry to head about your oldest,I can't imagine .. my heart goes out to you.

swirl12 Mon 30-Jan-17 22:04:53

Yeah i do, i get the house work groceries done, but i feel so guilty towards my husbands when i do something nice for myself, as he just doesn't have the time, and makes all the money.

Andro Wed 01-Feb-17 10:12:55

I find that consistently doling out chores (exceptionally tedeous ones) for whinging/complaints/attacks of boredom leads to a marked improvement.

Instructions to go outside, go to your rooms or speak please try to me/dh/each other either solve or relocate that issue away from my hearing.

Good luck, it sounds tough.

Afreshstartplease Wed 01-Feb-17 10:16:02

they get everything

This is probably the problem

Driffield Wed 01-Feb-17 10:20:15

Sorry but it doesn't have to be that hard. Why do you have to spend all weekend cleaning if you have the weekdays to do it? Can't you cook in the week for the weekend? Private school and supportive sports parents? And they are still whinging? They sound a bit spoilt. I have three, all at different schools, all with different hobbies and I work. My house is a mess though lol!

PleaseNotTrump Wed 01-Feb-17 10:21:30

flowers Endofthelinefinally. So sorry.

PleaseNotTrump Wed 01-Feb-17 10:22:58

self absorbed OP

RaisinsAndApple Wed 01-Feb-17 11:56:04

Do you or DH spend any 1:1 time with each of them regularly? Sounds like there's some attention seeking going on.

I also picked up on them getting everything. Not sure what exactly you mean by that but beware of unwittingly spoiling them by trying to please them all, all of the time.

Strict rules, strict consequences, Rita of picking films, days out etc. Chores to be done, perhaps earning rewards. Have you tried reading 'siblings without rivalry' - it's very very good with some great and easy to implement ideas.

Perhaps splitting them between the two of you regularly to give each 1:1 time with a parent. I find 1:1 is easier as the parent to relax in.

I don't think you sound self absorbed. It is hard with a larger family. flowers

Spideysenses1 Thu 16-Mar-17 14:51:44

We have four youngest is just a baby other 3 are in school and help out every day with their chores after school before they go play , they are used to it now and just get on with it . Washing can be a nightmare but doing some every day keeps it at bay . God forbid leaving it for even a day :D at the shops we get the occasional can I have ... But they take my answer as a final . Mines usually only get expensive presents at Xmas or bdays. Or something small if they have been exceptionally well behaved :D they are appreciative of what they get. I think big families have good days and bad days . I'm lucky in the sense that my parents love to take the kids turn about every now and then ,so me and my partner can get the odd evening off to enjoy and look after each other . I love the mad busy atmosphere ! Sometimes it's hard to stay positive when your going through a rough patch but the sun will come out eventually . Stay positive ! I'm sure you are doing a great job x

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