DH wants 3rd but not sure if good idea(5 Posts)
DH and I have 2 kids, 6 and 4. Last year his anxiety and depression became serious and he was signed off work. He's on medication and been seeing a clinical psychologist but has not been able to work for 9 months and currently it's just my salary.
He is improving slowly and has recently brought up again the subject of having a 3rd, which we'd discussed lots over a year ago and I had agreed, even came off the pill for for a short while. I still like the idea of a 3rd but worry that the stress wouldn't be great for him. I'm also not as keen now we'll have a 5 and 8 year age gap, seems a bit big to make right interactions with siblings.
Can anyone give any advice?
I wouldn't have a baby right now unless you're in a very strong financial position. What will happen when you need to go on ML if he's still not working? Will he be able to be SAHD to a newborn as well as the other two and cope with his anxiety and depression? It doesn't seem like a good idea to me!
I think the age gap is less of an issue. It's different to having children close together, but nice in it's own way. The older two get to really be 'big' siblings and enjoy actually being helpful and maybe even earn some pocket money for babysitting in the future. The little one gets the joy of being the baby and apple of everyone's eye!
I was in a similar situation with my DH so we waited until he was back working before we tried for DC3.
Having already had 2 I thought another would be easy, but I felt horrific when I was pg and going back to night feeds was really tough. We're only just beginning to see through the other side and DC3 is nearly 1! Childcare for 3 is a real stretch too.
This is like a post from my mum 25 years ago. My dad was depressed but petitioned relentlessly for a third. My mum had my brother largely for his sake and my sister and I were 6 and 8 when he was born.
We both loved my brother and all get on well as adults but it was not a good decision. My dads mh stayed poor, he started drinking a lot but my mum felt she had to stay as she now had 3 young kids. The key problem was that my mum now had even less time for my sister and i as she had a baby to care for.
Sorry if that's all a bit gloomy but if there's only one fully functional adult in the house I would not add another baby to the mix.
Thanks for the advice, it is what I was thinking. I guess I was hoping some one might say having another helped the depressive to improve especially with ongoing treatment but I guess that wouldn't be likely. Think I will just have to accept we don't have another
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