I feel so guilty after having our third baby!(4 Posts)
I don't know where to start, but I have and carry a huge sense of guilt with me a lot. We have three children, our daughter came along when our youngest had not long turned 4. She wasn't planned and it was a big shock, when the realisation came in that we'd have three children. To be honest I find it really hard work, I feel constantly stressed, tired and feel that I can never spread my time evenly with all three. My daughter who is 1, is incredibly clingy, always wants to be with me, if I'm not playing/entertaining her she cries, so most of the time I don't feel that I'm giving my older children the attention they deserve. My husband says I need to learn to allow our daughter to play and spend short times without me and to allow her to explore her surroundings, but I always cave in and give into her whinging, I actually have problems with my wrists, as I hold her a lot. Does it get easier? Does the guilt gradually go?
Hi! It is hard, but I've found it has become a lot easier (youngest is nearly 3 now).
Can you carry the 1 year old on your back in a sling? I don't think it'll harm her to be held a lot; my littlest was. She's the most confident and secure of the three! However, if it's affecting your own health (.physical/mental) then perhaps you could try to leave her to play for longer periods of time. Do the other two entertain her at all? My two big ones love playing with our littlest- reading to her, etc.
I have a bit of this with my surprise no 4 who is similarly high maintenance and had it with no 3 who was very much planned but a shocking sleeper so it was difficult. Zippidy is right <waves at Zippidy> it gets easier as they get bigger and though that seems a way off while you're in it, it always seems to have flown when you look back. From age 2 much easier, 3 it suddenly all fell into place.
Just go with it as much as you can - easy cooking, TV where necessary and a bit of an acceptance that you won't be able to spread your time evenly for now - but it will happen. And try to make sure the bit of time you do get with the oldest is good time (easier said than done, I know!). This is what's keeping me going anyway. Though being permanently surrounded by mess, washing and never being able to get anything done is very trying. Oh and remember that 1-2 is one of the most trying times - there's a reason they're cute, self/preservation!!
And get out of the house where you can - mine are much better when out though sometimes the effort it entails all seems too much.
And I have had two very sound pieces of advice 1. Don't compare yourself to people with one or two children (from a
Mum of 4) - that has helped me massively as I see all the lovely things my children's friends have done for the start of the holidays that we just can't (just remember how much they're pestering their mums for a baby sibling because yours is so lovely). 2. Remember you are giving them so much more than you are taking away (from a very chilled mum of 5). My older 3 are currently in a big heap on a chair watching tv together while I man Mark the baby. I'd love us to be doing craft/story/trip out but they are very happy indeed!!
As a Mum of one, I would say don't feel guilty. Your DC may not get as much of your undivided attention as they would if you had less DC, but they will have siblings to play
and fight with as they grow up, and all being well will always have their siblings to turn to as adults when they need them. I sounds tough on you now, but it will undoubtedly get easier, as they get older and less needy.
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