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A Grandmother at her wits ends

(12 Posts)
user1466545122 Tue 21-Jun-16 23:12:51

I'm aware this is not the correct place for me to be posting but I'm ever so desperate for some advice. I'm 61 and have been housing my sons ex girlfriend for coming up to a year now she is my grand daughters mother she also has a little boy to somebody else who is 10 months. I have given up my spare room for her where her and the kids have stayed but my youngest daughter has just moved back home from Leeds as her and her partner decided to call it quits on there relationship she is now 18 weeks pregnant. She has been a nightmare her sons father has kicked down my door and has caused trouble for me and my neighbours.

This is the tricky part she came to England aged 9 and her father didn't sort her papers out properly so she has to apply for a permit every three or five years. This means she is not eligible for any benefits or any housing she only gets child benefits and tax credit for the two children. My daughter that has just moved home is getting pretty anxious as she wants the spare room to prepare for her baby. I want her out of my house I don't feel comfortable in my own home it was only last year she was saying bad things about me on the Internet. And then I got a phone call from her saying she's going to kill her self and that I should take my granddaughter and she's had enough. I went to collect my grandaugher that night and then she said who's going to look after my granddaughter when I go to work so then she had to come live with me. The social services are involved they were suppose to be looking into housing for her but that hasn't gone anywhere. I want my house back now I'm sick and tired of it being in a mess and not being able to live the way I want.

I'm not an argumentive person and I don't like saying things to her because she will get angry and take it the wrong way. I need some help on how I can ask her to leave and how much time I should give her I feel awful for knowing my granddaughter will not have a stable home but surely I deserve my life back now.


Princesspinkgirl Sun 26-Jun-16 17:42:38

In this situation you need to say to her you have 2 weeks to find somewhere else to live give her written confirmation in a letter to the council explaining you can't keep her any longer and your giving her 2 weeks notice to leave if this fails I suggest you contact social services for advice in support to get her housing with the Children

TheHobbitMum Sun 26-Jun-16 17:48:27

Wow you've been more than fair! She sounds like she's taking advantage of you to be honest, she's not paying bills & rent and has a babysitter on tap. You absolutely need to decide how much notice your prepared to give her either 7/10/14/28 days notice and give her a signed letter stating she is no longer welcome in your home and she must leave. Then she can go to the council who will help or the social worker on her case will help. They won't help while she's housed with you. Be polite but firm, you don't need to feel bad she's had a year to find alternative accommodation and she knows it. If she can't be housed them the social worker will either place the children with family or foster placements (I believe anyway). I'd give her 7 days notice as no one will help her until the last day anyway. Good luck

gamerchick Sun 26-Jun-16 17:51:31

Where is your son in all of this, why are you dealing with it?

user1466545122 Tue 28-Jun-16 12:52:00

My son isn't around he's been suffering with depression for a while. I went ahead and rang her social worker yesterday to see if she could find somewhere for her and she has but she is refusing to leave until her citizenship application is sorted out. When I told her today that I spoke to her social worker she went mad because I went behind her back but she is so unapproachable if I told her to her face before she would of been the same anyway. her and my daughter had a argument and things got pretty heated.My daughter was telling her that she needs to leave she said she's not going anywhere until her citizenship is sorted out but he the application keeps getting rejected. They have found a refuge for her but she won't go! What do I do now? I honestly can not cope any longer.

steppemum Tue 28-Jun-16 13:00:58

I am no expert, but I think she is lying about the paperwork.


Wait until you know she is going out, then change the locks, and leave the house. Text her and tell her you ave changed the locks, and she has to leave.

You can let the social worker know that is what you will do.

user1466545122 Tue 28-Jun-16 13:28:36

I read the letter the other day when she was out and it said her application has been rejected but she has been trying to get her stay from since 2011 when I met her and it's going nowhere she doesn't update me on what's happening. My daughter is going to stay with her dad until she starts work next week as she feels uncomfortable then she will come back. I'm going to give her until then to go.

Kimononono Tue 28-Jun-16 13:34:47

Good grief how awful.

I think your be fine more than enough and I feel sorry for those two kids. I think they need to be made homeless for emergency shelter and to find a house. I sure she would qualify for housing benefits though as her children are British born? Maybe she doesn't want to actually leave as its cheaper with you?

I think you could do with going to the CAB and see what she is actually untitled too.

user1466545122 Tue 28-Jun-16 17:54:47

I've spoken to her and she's saying she needs another two months to sort her citizenship out. My daughter is furious with me because she wants to get the bedroom decorated and furnished for when her son arrives and she thinks I'm being to soft which I agree with but how can I throw her out with two kids. I'm stuck in between the two now any more advice for me?

gamerchick Tue 28-Jun-16 18:16:40

The 2 months I'd a lie. Tell her she gets out at the end of the week or you'll have her removed. She cant just refuse to leave.

gamerchick Tue 28-Jun-16 18:17:09


Kimononono Tue 28-Jun-16 19:10:02

Both women are being out of order. They both putting you in a shit situation. Tbh I'd be tempted to say the dgd can stay till sh gets herself sorted - but if she went in to a hostel the children would have to stay there most nights.

Stop letting them both push you around. it's a tough situation especially with the children as she is using them as her way in.

Would she go to the CAB with you?

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