Guilt over having a 4th

(4 Posts)
babyblabber Tue 21-Jun-16 19:06:51

I'm 6 weeks pregnant with number 4. Went back and forth for a year over whether to stop at 3 or go again and I had days where I was 100% certain 3 was enough but more days when I wanted a 4th and just thought family is the most important thing in life and why not maximise it (but 4 being the absolute max!!!)

So here I am and today I'm having a day where I think maybe we shouldn't have done this. I already feel guilty about dividing myself again, the less resources for holidays, activities etc we will have, the constant ferrying around they will all have to do for all of their siblings activities/parties/play dates.

I've had two miscarriages so always have in my head that it might not work out, have a scan booked next week. But I found myself today thinking, well it wouldn't be the end of the world, how awful is that?!!!! I'm horrible.

Please reassure me that 4 is great!

LostInMess Wed 22-Jun-16 05:59:46

I can totally relate to this, not least as my 4th was rather a surprise when I was just beginning to get some time back and feel that I was actually spending time with each of my children rather than fire fighting. DC4 is 9 months old now, and while it's hard work and I do feel that I have much less time for my other 3 DC (age 4-8), it genuinely doesn't seem to be an issue for them. They adore their baby brother and love helping out with them and spending time with him. And I am fairly sure it should get a bit more predictable in a couple of years and hopefully that time will creep back in again.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and hope it all goes well.

DiggersRest Thu 23-Jun-16 20:46:32

I felt this way with dc2 after 2 mc also. I think it was hormonal for me as l was quite depressed through out the pregnancy which just lifted the second dd2 was born.

I can't reassure you about 4 sorry! But l hope your scan goes well flowers

Sezramum Sat 09-Jul-16 22:28:52

i felt the same as you. Until I had baby number 4, my youngest was 10 years old.

I also felt that I was having more of a grown up life and I have a full time job that I love. I was over the moon when I discovered I was pregnant but I regularly had panics where I didn't know how I was going to cope and how my other children would feel.

DC4 is now 3 months old and her older siblings adore her. Yes it can be hard work and I do give myself a hard time about how much attention I pay everyone but I wouldn't change it for the world. I think it has been very positive for the other children and baby is content and smiley probably because of all the attention she receives!

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