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having second thoughts about having #3

(5 Posts)
ayesar Mon 25-Apr-16 20:19:10

I have been wanting to have a third chairs for over a year now. I have a boy who is 3 and another boy who is almost 5. My husband wants to wait till next year to decide and if he agrees then there will be a 4.5 year gap probably between the 2nd and 3rd.

Today one of my coworkers who has 3 kids was randomly telling some of us about how her 2 girls who are 10 and 12 are always together and her son who is 5 is always by himself. So she was saying that it's always better to have 2 or 4. Her third was not planned.

I was thinking of having s large age gap for my own sanity, but honestly if I have a third who will be totally left out, through no fault of my older two, then it's not worth it to me. I'm so confused. My older 2 are less than 2 years apart so of course they are going to grow up together. I'm so confused now.

Any thoughts or advice??

QueenMolotov Mon 25-Apr-16 20:43:57

So she was saying it's always better to have 2 or 4

In her opinion. Doesn't make it a rule, or something that works for every family. Should a person have two sets of two together to really make this work? Some families feel a need to have more than 2. Four is too many for some.

Her third child was not planned.

I would say this will influence her opinions quite a lot.

And surely, a 10yo and 12yo girl will have more in common with each other than a 5yo little boy? That doesn't mean it will be that way forever. One day, that little boy will be a 30yo man, with sisters aged 35 and 37yo. They're no gaps at all, and gender commonalities matter less. I reckon they'll all have more in common with each other then (and well before).

I'm currently pg with dc3 (very planned) and it does not mean I automatically need or should want to have no.4 later. I'm planning to raise my 3 dcs as a little gang; a team of their own.

Don't pay too much attention. Do what's right for your family smile

QueenMolotov Mon 25-Apr-16 20:45:32

FWIW, there's 3.2y between my dds and there will be 4.5y between dd2 and dc3.

QueenMolotov Mon 25-Apr-16 20:45:41

FWIW, there's 3.2y between my dds and there will be 4.5y between dd2 and dc3.

hownottofuckup Mon 25-Apr-16 20:49:19

I get on best with my sibling who is 9yrs older, worst with the one that's closest in age to me.
What she says is true for her family. That is all.

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