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Working or SAHMs with 3 kids

(46 Posts)
ayesar Sat 16-Apr-16 04:17:00

I am contemplating having a third child. My kids are currently 3 and almost 5 and I think we will wait till next year to start TTC. I currently work part time and enjoy working a lot. My husband once told me that if we have 3 I probably would have to stay at home because it would be so much work. For me, staying home would be s deal breaker and I would stop at 2 if I couldn't work.

So I'm just wondering, for those who have 3 kids, did you continue working or quit and stay home? I feel like a lot of moms decide not to go back to work after the third.

Topofthemorning3 Sat 16-Apr-16 04:37:19

I'm just about to go back after mat leave for my 3rd. My older dcs are 4 and 6.
No way I wouldn't work - I've been lucky enough to get my hours down from 4 to 3 days which will make world of difference.
I have found it relatively easy going from 2 to 3 rather than 1 to 2 because the older two love helping out with their sister. I do also have very supportive dh.
I think you can do anything if you really want to!

HappyAsASandboy Sat 16-Apr-16 04:39:26

I have three DC and work full time.

I have a complicated and varied system of childcare which takes a lot of organising but is flexible and I trust the people.

We have taken on a cleaner since I went back to work after number three.

My husband is totally supportive of me working. We both have demanding jobs, but mine is a little more flexible, so TBH I pick up 90% of the pick ups/mornings/evenings etc, but he will move meetings or work from home when I need him too.

I think it depends on your job and your husband and your potential childcare options. Could you ask your husband to explain why he thinks number three would mean giving up work?

wannabestressfree Sat 16-Apr-16 05:05:56

I am a single mum with three and have always worked full time. Not sure why you would need to give up completely....

Want2bSupermum Sat 16-Apr-16 05:13:08

I'm going back FT. I was working 4 days but I ended up working the 5th day and not getting paid. It sucked.

You need to get much more organized when you have 3 and make the older DC help out. I have my kids doing basic chores such as scraping plates and putting them in the sink and putting their laundry in the correct basket. They are 4 and 3 so at a stage where they really want to help out.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sat 16-Apr-16 05:14:52

Why would it be you who'd have to stay at home? And why is three that much more work than two?

Tsotofamily Sat 16-Apr-16 12:40:52

I went back to work part time after dc 3, im now having dc 4 and will still be going back to work. I'm really lucky as in my manager is flexible and really understanding I have set shifts but can change them if I need too. I do the majority of my hours on my weekend on to work so I can get them out the way whilst dcs are with daddy

IvyLeaf Sat 16-Apr-16 12:42:29

I've recently returned to (part time, 9-3) work with 4 children. Unfortunately I work an hour away so still require all day childcare, my youngest are 2 and 4.
It's fine, in fact I prefer it to the relentless monotony of being at home. You do what you have to! We have a nanny, it's the cheapest way to have childcare for more than 2 children.

minnymoobear Sat 16-Apr-16 12:46:03

3 DCs and work full time. Def easier as they get older, can help and do more for themselves and DH does loads too- easier as he's self employed.
I did PT when they were younger but now eldest 2 DCs are in secondary am full time and it's fine
Good luck!

allthingsred Sat 16-Apr-16 12:48:23

I have 3 dc. I went to work full time after my 3rd & was misreable. I felt like I was failing my work & family. So I was really lucky & changed my hours to part time. Which I did for a few years quite happily it worked really well.
I've recently had a change of career & am working full time again but nights. So it feels like me & my dp are like sailing ships sometimes. But we will find the right balance eventually smile
I'm sure it will be like that for you too.

ayesar Sat 16-Apr-16 16:24:25

I actually have a part time job which is perfect for me. I think my hubby feels that there will be so much work at home with chores, picking up and dropping off all the kids, that I would need to stay home to take care of everything. My mom too was saying that it's best for people to have more than 2 kids only if one parent is staying home. I think I could do it with work but I wonder if I'm fooling myself. My kids are 3 and almost 5 so I have kind of forgotten how much work a baby is for the first couple of years. Thank you all for your words of encouragement.

areyoubeingserviced Sat 16-Apr-16 16:26:35

I have three and worked part time when they were younger.
I now work full time.

MrsLeighHalfpenny Sat 16-Apr-16 21:46:27

Perhaps your "hubby" could do some chores too?

Lightbulbon Sat 16-Apr-16 21:59:01

Your problem is your husband not a potential third child.

Read wifework and stop doing it.

mydogeatsnutstoo Sat 16-Apr-16 22:04:59

I went back to work part time after 3 but have a relatively well paid job and help from family - I think for me it would depend whether I was still earning more than the cost of childcare, but by the time you had another baby your older two would be in school so would not be like paying three lots of nursery. I know quite a few people with three kids who work part time, not unworkable at all and even if paying extra child care for a while in the long run I think it is beneficial financially and in terms of personal fulfilment for a lot of people to keep working.

SocksRock Sat 16-Apr-16 22:07:24

I have 3 and am working part time at the moment. We have a cleaner, and DH does a good share well. I work three days, and have our youngest on the other two days. You do have to be organised, we do bags and stuff the night before etc, but it's fine

Dellarobia Sat 16-Apr-16 22:09:49

I have three. I was a SAHM from when the eldest was born until the youngest started school, but now they're all at primary school and I work part time (0.5 FTE) and love it. Don't stop working unless YOU want to!

thenewaveragebear1983 Sat 16-Apr-16 22:16:38

I'm on mat leave with dc3 and I'm not going back. This isn't a stealth boast but dh earns very good money but works long hours. I was working 2.5 days and earning not very much. We have agreed that I will give up my contract and have another year extended maternity, then perhaps look for some supply teaching or similar, but I'm not sure. I'm very sad to be leaving the working world, but this is my last chance to have this opportunity to spend this time with my children and i know what a luxury it is. I'm well qualified so I'm not too concerned about looking for work after this is over, and I will very likely do some sort of voluntary or similar before I return to work. Its got to be the right decision for your family though, and I can understand both sides.

KayJBee Sat 16-Apr-16 22:17:07

I have 3, eldest were just 5 and just 3 when no. 3 came along. I was working 3 days when i only had 2 but intended to stay at home until no.3 was at school as childcare for 3 is expensive. However when he was 2.5 I saw a perfect local term time only job, applied and got it. So now I do 20 hours over 3 days term time only. I really like working, it's much easier than being at home, I go out to work for a rest!

GoldfishCrackers Sat 16-Apr-16 22:30:48

Have you told him he should drop a day or do more round the house?

foragogo Sat 16-Apr-16 22:35:17

I have 3 and have always worked full time outside of the three 10 month maternity leaves. Working with kids is hard work and you have to be organsied but I don't really think there's much of a difference between 2 and 3 kids.

WanderingTrolley1 Sat 16-Apr-16 22:38:37

I have 3.

15 year gap between DC1 and DC2, so working in between. Since having 2 children with the last 3 years, I've not work and have no plans to return.

Canyouforgiveher Sat 16-Apr-16 22:47:44

I have 3. Went back to work after 4 months with each one (USA) put part time. Was full time by a year old.

I have friends who work full time in hard jobs with 4 and 5 children. If you want to do it you can.

If you are working full time while also being the full time parent and the other parent is only along for the ride, then it will be very difficult - probably more difficult than being a completely single parent, imo, because you'll have to waste a lot of energy being resentful and angry at your spouse.

Themoleandcrew Sat 16-Apr-16 23:33:44

I have three and am just dropping to part time as we've found it too much both of us working full time. We are lucky in that shift work allows us to need a minimal amount of paid childcare but were struggling with the organisation of having three under 5. Now I'll actually have time to do things with them instead of constantly having to get them to play together while I put the washing on/cook dinner/clean the house (when I say I, I mean whoever is home with them) I intend to return full time once they are all in school.

HappyAsASandboy Sun 17-Apr-16 12:43:34

I suspect your husband is worried he'll have to actually help, and your mother doesn't want you to have a third so she's using work to make you choose not to have a third.

For me, the third didn't really make it any harder. The older two are twins, so childcare fees have always been substantial, and we had DC3 before the older ones started school, so we never tasted the freedom from nursery fees! It is harder than it would have been, financially and logistically, but we make it work.

In your shoes, I would be worried about DC3. Not because you can't do it; you can. Not even because you can't do it without help from DM/DH; you can. But because it will be bloody hard to do it by yourself with your two closest people standing at the sidelines telling you you're spread too thin, you are neglecting your kids, you're stressed because of work, the house is a mess because you're never there to clean etc etc etc. You absolutely can have three kids (or even more!) and have both parents working (even full time!), but you can't live in an environment where two of your 'team' are not supportive and ready to work with you.

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