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Help me think positively. Please!

(12 Posts)
thisbaby Wed 06-Apr-16 22:49:11

Have 3 healthy DC's. Considering a final, number 4. Have a few years before it would be out of the question.

Here's my problem (s)...
I know of many friends who have experienced fertility problems, miscarriages, infant losses, children with illnesses, disabilities, learning and behavioural difficulties- all issues that affect families and people in everyday life. I have had 3 straight- forward pregnancies, conceived when I have planned to and had healthy babies.

I feel ( perhaps disproportionately so) overwhelmingly blessed to have my family and thank my lucky stars every day for having what I do have.

The thought of a fourth child is appealing, and yet when I mention it to my circle of friends, I get the sucked-in breath, eye rolls, tuts etc alongside comments of "but you've been so lucky this far- why would you want to push it?" and "but you already have 3?" Etc. I feel so uneasy that I no longer mention it.

I have however, taken on a lot of anxiety at even the thought of it- like I've used my luck up! Like I'd be asking for trouble if we tried again?!Does this resonate with anyone? If so, please pass on any words of wisdom. I hate feeling this way, and I've totally latched on to any media / social media stories where there's been a difficult & troubled pregnancy / poorly child / etc- and thinking more and more that it's likely to happen if we went for a 4th. Help me get out of my head and negative thought pattern about it- please :-/

(For the record, OH wants a 4th; thinks I'm being completely daft and as we have previously said-we'll deal with "whatever lemons life throws our way"!)

ayesar Thu 07-Apr-16 03:44:02

I am in your position but with considering a 3rd. My husband is against it for the most part though. But yes I get all the same reactions from people. My brother asked why I would want to risk having an unhealthy baby when I have 2 healthy ones now. I haven't got even one positive response yet. I'm watching this thread.

TrulyTrulyTrulyOutrageous Thu 07-Apr-16 04:05:02

I have 4. I had miscarriages and a stillbirth along the way and one has a disability - but he isn't my last born.

I'm not really sure what to tell you. There's nothing fair about disability, people can become disabled at any stage of their lives. I would reflect on how another child with extra needs would impact your family-but wouldn't assume it was inevitable!

CodyKing Thu 07-Apr-16 04:05:02

I would say this - yes you have been lucky to have 3 healthy children - but that could change at any moment -

They could become seriously ill - or disabled due to an accident - catch a disease or develope one -

Some children develop behaviour problems - or mental health issues

Children aren't necessarily born that way

Do you have enough love for your child to deal with those issues - should they arise? Or will you send them back as faulty?

I think you know that answer -

Good luck - Fate will deal you the hand your meant at have

albertcampionscat Thu 07-Apr-16 04:43:34

The world isn't remotely fair, so having had three healthy children only increases your chances of a fourth being healthy.

thisbaby Thu 07-Apr-16 08:20:29

Thank you for your replies.

Yes, totally- regarding the fact that life events can happen at any time and of course you will respond to that situation accordingly.

Afreshstartplease Thu 07-Apr-16 18:44:12

Hi op

I relate to your post so much

I am 12 weeks pregnant with number four, I have three healthy children all born at term with no complications , I have had no miscarriages or fertility issues

I know I am incredibly lucky

I have worried about this baby. Will this be the 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage for me?

Surely I have used up my luck!

I have my first scan tomorrow and have never worried so much about a scan before!

thisbaby Thu 07-Apr-16 22:44:39

Congrats on your pregnancy! Well done for going for it, despite your fears / worries. Hope the scan goes great X

Afreshstartplease Fri 08-Apr-16 17:44:46

Just to let you know op my scan went well, nucal result was low so just have to wait for blood results now

LidikaLikes Fri 08-Apr-16 18:21:55

I thought it was just me who felt this way!!! I know that isn't helping you OP, as I've no advice, but I am glad to know I'm not alone in my thinking.

icarusandhiswings Fri 08-Apr-16 22:26:54

Everybody feels this way. I felt this way and I have four.

My great grandmother had 8 children. My great great grandfather had 14 healthy children.

It is always a risk, even on the first. You just need to make your own risk assessment because your family is unique.

Whatever you decide, I hope that you're happy.

cavedescreux Mon 11-Apr-16 13:32:00

My DC4 - easiest pregnancy, delivery and calmest baby of the bunch. Children are precious no matter what, but if you look at the statistics rationally, i suspect you are overwhelmingly likely to have an experience more like mine than whatever you are most worried about.

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