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was your OH hesitant?

(6 Posts)
Iwonderif Thu 14-Jan-16 16:02:38

For 12 months I've been broody. DH actually planted the seed in my head, don't think it was intentional but once the comment he said was said I realised that I hadn't actually made up my mind of no more babies, thought I had. Convinced myself.

Don't like drip feeding so basically the comment he made was "can men be broody?" I was taken aback when he said it and if I could rewind to over 12 months ago I would have grabbed him by the hand and skipped off upstairs with him wink but I didn't do that! My reaction wasn't of horror or of pure and utter elation instead I asked him why he felt that way. Remained quiet but intrigued. It was due to a friends baby of about 14 months taking a shine to DH and wanting to cuddle him and climb on his lap etc. Think it clearly tugged at his heart strings. Our DC are 8 & 5.

Foolishly I then didn't say much more, left it at that but then casually asked him weeks later about baby number 4. He said he'd "like" one but didn't think it ideal. His age, car, house etc etc. Things you obviously have to think about & discuss when seriously planning another child. Fair enough. We kind of left it at that. Coupled with I have had 3 sections already. #1 EMCS #2&3 elective. Our first baby died shortly after birth. DH finds me being pregnant very stressful & worrying. More than I do. I respect this. It's often a very difficult time for all fathers to be & especially after a seemingly low risk pregnancy going catastrophically wrong right at the end resulting in your beautiful son dying shortly after birth.

So fast forward 12 months. I've kept these ongoing feelings to myself. Don't want DH to think he's being selfish if he's adamant he doesn't BUT I'm not convinced. There were 2 accidents over the last 12 months of condoms splitting. MAP having to be taken. The second time it messed up my cycle slightly resulting in my period being about 8 days late. When the 2 pg tests I took came back negative DH said he wished he'd been there with me when I did them & was I upset about it being negative? i didn't know if this was his way of showing support or if he wanted me to say "yes, are you?" If I could turn back slap myself!! Other remarks and comments have also been said over the last year too. My closest friends think he definitely does but can't bring himself to say it....this all sounds pathetic written down. I'm 36 and been married for 11 years for crying out loud!!

I'm too scared to ask him outright. How ridiculous does that sound? My own DH? I think if he says absolutely no way then I know I have to bury these thoughts/wants & desires once and for all & maybe I don't want to? Thing is we never just wanted 2 children (here with us) maybe it's because I'm one of 3?

Has anyone else been in a similar situation where their OH was hesitant but then admitted to wanting another & you did indeed go on to have another?

hawkmcqueen Fri 15-Jan-16 21:04:49

I am on this board again because I too would like a DC 4 but my DH has decided 3 is enough for him! He had originally said I could have as many as I liked! After DC3 I said I was finished but I am so broody again. DC3 is 2 next week and I am mourning not having a baby in the house! I feel really sad about it right now. I too don't want to go on about it or start a row about it but I can tell DH is finished. He is definitely grumpier in his mod thirties!

hawkmcqueen Fri 15-Jan-16 21:05:12

*mid thirties

Iwonderif Fri 15-Jan-16 21:34:52

Thanks for replying hawk. It's such a sensitive subject. He even said little things today but am I looking into it? When DS who is now 5.5 was about 2 I remember us both agreeing that he was our last based on the fact DS was such hard work when he was younger, compared to DD who is now 8.5. It's not just a case of broodiness either. It's a real feeling that another baby belongs here.

Wie'll see! It's got to be bought up one way or another!

hawkmcqueen Sat 16-Jan-16 09:44:06

I feel your longing Iwonderif! Let us know if you have 'the conversation'. I keep dropping hints in a jokey way, like we should keep a certain item for baby Hugo etc! To which my DH recoils in horror! Maybe if you got out of your environment, went for dinner a d a glass of wine? Relaxed and captive audience!

NaoimhC Tue 26-Jan-16 22:27:26

I'd love to know how you both get on. My other half says no more but was fine with me keeping the moses basket and crib. We have 2 boys and a girl 10,6&4. Some days I think 3 is good then other days, and increasingly more recently, I really want number 4. My sister in law has just had her third yesterday, (which is not helping) I'm so broody it's not natural!! Maybe we should just get a puppy lol!!

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