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Having number four

(4 Posts)
SummerMonths Thu 14-Jan-16 09:16:27

I'm due baby four quite soon.

This conception was a surprise.

I'm totally freaking out. I work and juggle three children and various other commitments (school governor, volunteering abroad for one week every six months). Baby number three pushed us into a level of chaos that I was not expecting. I love having three, it feels like a proper team, a lovely big group of us around the table, but that is paired with chaos and exhaustion and always feeling like I'm failing to give anyone my best.

Please tell me how having a fourth affected you. Was it as much of a change as number three? Were you totally overwhelmed? Did anyone manage four and a career and social life?

I have decent age gaps (at birth my others will be 10, 7.5, 4) and a hands on husband who works full time but helps lots. We also have a live-in au pair who helps for 25 hours a week (school drops and pick ups).

Mothersruin75 Fri 15-Jan-16 15:42:43

Hi I've got 4, DD 6.5, DTs 2.6 and DS 14 months. I found out DS was on his way when DTs were 8 months old. He was a total shock as we thought we were unable to conceive naturally. I was terrified throughout the pregnancy tinged with guilt that I shouldn't be especially with the journey we'd been on to have the others.

I loved having three and do feel that no 4 has made a huge difference in workload - but then we have 3 under 2 and a half. It is becoming easier by the month, I keep aiming for milestones, they all now eat the same food which was a big one for me, I'm also looking forward to the baby being able to totally feed himself too. I feel bad that I'm wishing their early childhood away but I had them for the person not the baby and I love watching my 6 year old grow, she fascinates me.

I work full time in a senior management role, I really enjoy what I do and it's a totally different challenge to the challenges at home. I've just taken up a role that will involve more travel so I'm a bit apprehensive as to how that will go, whilst looking forward to the odd full night's sleep in a hotel! We have a full time nanny who we couldn't cope without. We make sure we use her for babysitting so we get to go out together and we go out individually too with friends.

I'd like to do more with the PTA or even just get to a regular yoga class but that will come when they are older. When DTs go to Rainbows I would like to be a helper at group and my plan is to be a bit more involved in the PTA when DC4 is at school. For now I can just about cope with supporting things rather than getting stuck in and helping a lot.

I loved having three but there is something amazing about 4, they already pair off into 2's, not always the same way. They play together and when they're all giggling at something together it's just the best. Not so great when they're all complaining! We certainly wouldn't be without our gorgeous DC4, he brings a different dimension to the family.

Suzietwo Sat 16-Jan-16 17:55:37

I can't help but sympathies! I'm 18 weeks with my 4th. The others are 1.5, just 4 and almost 6. I also work f/t. I was just wondering why I felt so fucking tired then realised actually, 18 weeks pregnant plus no let up at work or home would probably do it. And I'm out of hot water for a bath. megawhinge

Goodbetterbest Sat 16-Jan-16 23:29:47

I read somewhere last week that's parents with four were happier than with three. Something to do with lowering standards and being more relaxed.

I have 4, and we are pretty relaxed. I'm a lone parent and quite chilled out apparently. I have firm boundaries which helps everyone know where they stand, but they can pretty much get on with it.

If I didn't have a cleaner it would be quite a different story.

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