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Why do people need to offer views on my third pregnancy??!

(20 Posts)
Mummybear17 Sat 14-Nov-15 22:59:56

I'm expecting my third child in January and very few people I have told have actually had a positive response to it. Mostly my closest friends and family whose views I respect most are positive but it's surprising the number of my so called friends who offer up ridiculous responses such as that's going to be so hard having a baby all over again, I thought you said you wouldn't have more (I never said this!), oh I'm not having anymore, that's going to be really hard work etc etc.

It's so disappointing to have such unwelcome negative responses to my news.

Baby #3 was unplanned my other two are aged 3 and 4.5 but I never ruled out a third and it's taken me some getting used to but I'm happy about it and we are comfortable enough to welcome a third child to the family.

I just want to vent my frustrations and ask if anyone else has had a similar reaction?

Thanks! smile

One4theroad Sat 14-Nov-15 23:07:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

grumpysquash Sat 14-Nov-15 23:13:22

I had a few comments in 3rd pregnancy, along the lines of 'you've already got a boy and a girl, why would you want another?'
Don't take any notice.
3 kids rock smile

PeppasNanna Sat 14-Nov-15 23:16:37

Congratulations opflowers

I have 6dc. I had 2 dc with my first dh.
10 years later met dp. So when i announced my 3rd dc was on her way everyone was positive.

But with dc4, 5 &6 people were incredibly rude. Honestly? I couldnt give a s**t!
Smile & nod...

Best of luck with everything.

Mummybear17 Sat 14-Nov-15 23:19:19

Thank you ladies and congrats to you too! We are happy and that's all that matters I keep telling myself that but it does bother me at times that I have to listen to this it's so awful!

"Three under five?!" It's honestly not that shocking. The other two are so excited it's lovely to see them like that and look forward to having a baby brother or sister.

good luck to us smile

Tsotofamily Sat 14-Nov-15 23:36:16

I don't understand why people look at three children as being a bad thing, it's really not, Ok my 3 have days where they don't get on (your get this no matter how many you have) but on the whole they get on great.
Ignore negative comments I just think it's people that have obviously got to much time on their hands to be commenting on other people's life's then getting on with their own.

As for negativity when I was expecting my third I can't really remember any but to be honest I probably wasn't even listening if there was. My mum tho has said and still will say that's enough no more, but I take no notice. Ive never hidden the fact that I would love another or 2. I can remember after dd was born someone said to me so are you done now and my nan replied before I did 'she will have more'
As long as you and your family are happy that's all that matters. Good luck xxxx

CarrieLouise25 Sat 14-Nov-15 23:51:25

Congratulations OP! What wonderful news, and not long to go now...for you flowers

Don't have an answer I'm afraid, I just know what you mean. There's far too much negativity about, to the point you want to avoid telling anyone anything! Although you can't hide a bump grin, or get away from people's very opinionated comments.

Negativity has to come from jealousy I'm thinking. Good luck for January, when you welcome your newest family member! We're having our third in Feb, and no one is going to put the dampers on adding to our family smile

possum18 Sun 15-Nov-15 00:00:28

It's so rude for anyone to voice a negative opinion about your news! Regardless of planned/unplanned it's such a special thing. It took me years to get pregnant and took such an emotional tole on me and DP, so I was sooooo angry/sad when my best friend reacted to my twin pregnancy news by saying 'oh god I'm so sorry that's going to be so hard, I really don't know what I would do!' hmm ignore them - having a new baby for your two DC to love and coo over will be amazing!

Greengagesandham Sun 15-Nov-15 14:16:27

Congratulations OP!!! star smile star

I remember giving my friend a huge congratulations when she announced her 3rd pregnancy, she nearly fell over with surprise.

I'm not sure why people make comments, I remember 3 people being genuinely congratulatory when I was pg with DC4.

After DC3 and 4 were born there no crowds of visitors etc like there had been for the first 2, it actually worked out very nicely as we unexpectedly found ourselves left alone for days at a time. My parents visited early on and were really excited, but that was it in the first week.

Mummybear17 Sun 15-Nov-15 19:29:45

Thank you everyone I'm reassured that it's just a typical odd reaction and will try to ignore it as I have been doing! I remain upbeat and positive and happy about it as we are happy for the third to join us. Nothing else really matters smile good luck to all multiple families! Best wishes

caravanista13 Sun 15-Nov-15 19:51:25

I was often asked 'Are you pleased?' - the implication always seemed to be that I wouldn't be!

AngelSparks Sun 15-Nov-15 19:54:22

Wow people are so rude

Congrats all (is 3 a large family? I didn't think so, but. ....?)

NorthernLurker Sun 15-Nov-15 19:55:17

Our third was our longest planned but so many people assumed that a) it was an accident and b) we were only doing it to have a boy as we had two girls. A couple of family members in particular were quite wet blanket about it thinking it would be difficult to 'go back' to baby days but dh and I were relishing that and did really enjoy it knowing this was our last baby.

Just ignore them Op.

anothernumberone Sun 15-Nov-15 19:55:31

Practically everyone I know has 3 children or more and I got the same comments grin. I remember when I was pregnant I heard a survey on the radio where 90% of people questioned said 2 children was the optimum, surprisingly the people questioned had 3 or more children. I don't agree I love having 3.

AngelSparks Sun 15-Nov-15 19:55:21

Hmmm I think the 'are you pleased?' Is in case you're not.... the last thing you want to do is offer congratulations if the person is not happy?

babyblabber Sun 15-Nov-15 20:15:53

I'm in Ireland and 3 would be the norm here, so much so that I'm surprised when people say they are done after 2! although I think 2 is becoming more common. Main thing is, I don't say anything when I'm surprised coz it's not my business!

Four however is unusual enough in this generation, I think I know 3 families with 4 kids. We are thinking of trying for a 4th & I found myself thinking the other day that if I do get pregnant I'd try to hide it for as long as possible this time to avoid the comments. Then I thought, why?!! Why do I feel that people will be negative? How sad that they wouldn't think it's brilliant!

My plan is to think of some witty/cutting response (any suggestions?!) to shut people up! Don't pay any attention, 3 is so much more fun than four, it's been so amazing that it's the reason we're thinking of another!

sliceofsoup Sun 15-Nov-15 20:25:58

We are ttc our third, and as we have two DDs already I am dreading people thinking we are trying for a boy. We really really aren't. We want a 3rd child.

I actually hate the thought that people will think it more than if they say it to me. If they say it to my face at least I can correct them.

I wasn't even expecting people to comment negatively on the pregnancy itself. I don't know why people think they have a right to say anything.

VocationalGoat Sun 15-Nov-15 20:34:49

Congrats! flowers
I didn't get any negative comments at all. But then I live in a part of London where having 3-5 kids is normal. We're not affluent at all but we are part of a Catholic school/church/community so there are lots of Spanish, South American, Irish families with 3 or more kids. It tends to be the norm where we are. A bit too much. I sometimes feel like the mothers consider themselves failures if they haven't had baby no. 4! confused

But I will say DC3 doesn't get much notice. No one really asks about him. Gifts? Nah. When he was born I got far less cards and congrats from family and friends. He's my invisible child, bless him. But not among is us at home! grin

It doesn't bother me though because he is part of a loving, strong family and we adore him to bits! It did a bit when he was born, but in the long run, it doesn't matter.

MazyCrummy Mon 16-Nov-15 20:24:08

My miserable bat of an exMIL informed me that having my 3rd DC would 'ruin my life'. It didn't; far from it!

Mummybear17 Mon 16-Nov-15 22:54:52

Oh I've loved reading all of these comments - they made me laugh and also feel reassured that there are many more out there like us and we mustn't care about people's opinions that they so often wish to express.

As long as we are happy let's not care smile

Funnily enough I came across a mum at my daughters school who has four and she was so lovely about it (she knows I'm pregnant anyway) but she had such good positive things to say and then expressed her disappointment at her youngest going off to school and being left without one at home. So refreshing to hear someone speak like this and not have to feel embarrassed or apologetic for extending my family beyond 2.4 children.

Ladies like you all are what mumsnet is about and we can all make each other feel happy and positive sharing these experiences. Being parents isn't easy but is hugely rewarding and there is no room for negativity. smileflowers to all!

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