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Pregnant with 3rd at 39. Need help! 3 under 3 can't be normal!

(45 Posts)
One4theroad Thu 29-Oct-15 23:12:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FriendofBill Thu 29-Oct-15 23:16:18

It's up to you.
If you can cope with another, then do it.

It sounds like you want to continue the pregnancy.

I had 2 with minimal help, you and DH have each other.

One4theroad Thu 29-Oct-15 23:41:27

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shutupanddance Thu 29-Oct-15 23:46:22

This may be your last pregnancy. Is that ok?

WLmum Thu 29-Oct-15 23:53:38

Poor you, that's such a tough decision. I have 3 dds but not such small age gaps and it is exhausting but it was a conscious decision for us. I absolutely know that if I ever accidentally got pg again I would be in your shoes. I really wouldn't want another baby but I know I would struggle to have a termination. I'm no help really but just wanted to sympathise/empathise.
Trickily it's only you that can decide.

One4theroad Thu 29-Oct-15 23:56:24

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babyblabber Fri 30-Oct-15 13:06:25

3 under 3 with no support will be very tough but it wouldn't be impossible and it will get infinitely easier once they pass the baby stage.

Only you can decide what to do but if you decide to keep it, could you get help? Au pair (live in if you've room, live out if not), part time nanny, cleaning lady, play school/ Creche part time for the older one or two etc

If you want the baby you make it work but you have to make the decision first. Personally it sounds to me like you do but as we all know, things come across differently in text so I could be wrong!

One4theroad Fri 30-Oct-15 23:30:49

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AndNowItsSeven Fri 30-Oct-15 23:47:07

You will be fine I have three under three - under two actually plus a three year old for good measure. Watching my toddler twins give their baby brother a toy and rush to gently pat him on the back when he cries. Little things like that make it so worth it. Having children close in age can be wonderful , yes it's hard but and I know it's a cliche it's worth it.
We have 7 dc in a four bed house on a very average income. I am pushing 40 and a wheelchair user. The things that helped us were one day a week nursery for the twins and a cleaner.

TheEagle Fri 30-Oct-15 23:55:13

Hi OP, sorry you're having a tough time of it.

Having small kids is exhausting - I have a 2yo and 6.5mo twins. Some days are very hard but you find the energy to keep going and there are always little gems of loveliness in every day that make it worthwhile.

If you do decide to keep the baby, your DDs will be that little bit older and more capable of managing a bit more independently by the time you have a newborn again.

I'm 35 and I certainly didn't plan on having 3 kids under the age of 2 but it happened and we cope! The time seems to be flying by now and every day gets a bit easier.

Good luck with your decision flowers

FriendofBill Sat 31-Oct-15 00:00:45

How are you doing OP?

Finola1step Sat 31-Oct-15 00:01:34

On a practical note, will your eldest be close to receiving their free nursery hours?

The reason I ask is because if you do decide to continue with the pregnancy, maybe breaking things down into small steps will help. So rather than looking at it as 3 under 3, with no support, start by looking at support you may be entitled to for your eldest.

My mum had 3 under 4, including my dsis who has additional needs. Very little family support. Dad worked shifts on low pay. We had a good, solid childhood.

The decision is a really tough one. I'm really glad my mum carried on with her third pregnancy when she fell pregnant 7 months after having my dsis. But hand on heart, at 41 with 2 dc if I had a surprise pregnancy now, I couldn't say that I would continue.

One4theroad Sat 31-Oct-15 00:14:19

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FriendofBill Sat 31-Oct-15 00:58:19

So, is it more the fact that your husband wouldn't be supportive that makes you feel unable to continue the pregnancy?

One4theroad Sat 31-Oct-15 01:03:51

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One4theroad Sat 31-Oct-15 01:05:21

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FriendofBill Sat 31-Oct-15 01:09:22

Have you raised this issue with him?

What do you think he would say if you tell him you are continuing the pregnancy and need him to help more with the children?

It seems unfair to you that you feel insble to continue with the pregnancy because he is not pulling his weight.

Tbh, there are an abundance of posts like this with women at their wits end with lazy arse men who don't lift a finger to assist in the care of their homes and children.

One4theroad Sat 31-Oct-15 01:19:20

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One4theroad Sat 31-Oct-15 01:22:44

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FriendofBill Sat 31-Oct-15 01:28:45

If you feel you can't cope then take steps end the pregnancy.
The sooner the better.
There will be some kind of counseling there at the clinic to explore your feelings a bit more if you want have to make the right decision for you, not DH or your mum.


SurlyCue Sat 31-Oct-15 01:32:38

Hi OP. I am sorry youre going through this tough decision.

What i just wanted to say is that it is ok, and possibly healthy, to be able to say "i really want this but i know my own limits and what my family need and can cope with best"

It sounds like you have a really good grasp of the reality you are facing and that is a very good place to start from with these kinds of decisions.

I wish you all the best and whatever your decision i hope you find peace with it. It is one of those things that I'm not sure there is an obviously right or wrong answer, you just have to make the best out of what is infront of you and be good to yourself.

One4theroad Sat 31-Oct-15 01:45:42

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OffMyAyersRocker Sat 31-Oct-15 03:14:58

Good luck OP with your decision. I have dc2 who has completed our family and l know as much as l love both my dc that l am now stretched and would not want to add a dc3.

imip Sun 01-Nov-15 07:21:38

Op, I had 4 dds in 5yr and 2 months, the final dc born when I was 40. Youngest is now 3, i do love having 4 but it's not without it's challenges :-) I did have HG throughout all my pregnancies for 9 months, no family support (all abroad) and dh working long hrs. Dh wasn't the greatest help with the first two, but really stepped up with dc3 and 4.

Since dc4 turned 2, I've really felt the weight slowly lifting and I've emerged from the 'baby years'. My older 3 are at primary school and it's just gone so so quickly! So, yes, it was very hard at the time, but it's the initial year or two after the last arrived that was really tricky, it's more on an even keel now, and I finally get time to myself!

Gobbolinothewitchscat Sun 01-Nov-15 07:41:29

I have a 1 and a 2 year old with 13 months between them and am currently 37 weeks pregnant with DC3. My DH works 6 days a week

I'm no super mum but think it is do-able. However, I have a very helpful and hands-on DH which makes a big difference, I know is my DC are good sleepers

Absolutely respect your right to chose but happy to give some tips that I intend to implement if you decide to go ahead

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