Desperately broody for 4th child after 3 C-sections and tubal ligation...am I mad??

[savebraveted]

I have 3 ds and the youngest is 22 months. I remember feeling huge relief after my last C-section, thinking phew, I will never have to go through that again but after a while I began to struggle hugely with the fact that I wouldn´t be able to have any more.
I know it is common to feel broody after having a baby due to hormone changes, but the feeling just won´t go away! I cry whenever I give away clothes and just feel like I am not done.
I am 38 years old and my DH would not be totally adverse to the idea - but it would mean IVF and a possibly risky 4th section.
Obviously I am unbelievably grateful for what I have and do not want to push my luck or my health - but I feel like there is just one more there.
Maybe surrogacy??
Any advice or similar stories would be very welcome!

[Suzietwo]

I have a not dissimilar story. I have 3 children (1, 3, 5) all c sections. I knew I wanted a 4th but loathe the surgery and was terrified of the risks.

My bloke was diagnosed with cancer last year and had a bollock removed and a high dose of chemo. So there was a chance we'd need assistance with conceiving- he froze sperm.

In May I went to see a private obstetrician and he scanned me and talked me through the risks of a 4th section. One thing he said which stayed with me is that the advice to have no more than 3 is contained in the same books as the thinking that mothers over 30 were at high risk. It's very outdated. He told me there was no reason I couldn't have a 4th which was exactly what the surgeon told me after the 3rd.

So no, you're not at all mad!

[cedricsneer]

I'm in nearly the same position (without tubal litigation). 3ds and desperate for no 4 (dh not too keen but I'm working on it). I'm not too concerned about a 4th section tbh. I have several friends who have had 4 and one who has had 5. They were just warned that an early labour would be dangerous in terms of rupture, but they didn't have to take many precautions.

What did they say about your uterus when you had the 3rd c section?

[poocatcherchampion]

We always wanted 3 or 4.
I had my third section this week.
The baby came early and the consultant said my scar was paper thin and was probably while I was going into labour early. She also said there were lots of adhesions.

She said that she couldnt stop us having another but the risks of a very prem baby and risks to me were pretty high and we took from that that really she was saying not to.

I am obviously pretty hormonal at the mo but feel really sad about it. However it might havd been that 3 was enough and time will tell.

The car seemed full enough on our first outing today

I am not really offering much to this thread but it is the first time I've articulated some of this.

[cedricsneer]

Hi poocater - at least one of my friends who have had 4 was told on 3 that their scar was paper thin (no early labour though). It may be worth you getting a scan at sometime to get a second opinion. I have a friend whose uterus had adhered to her bladder which was cut during her 2nd c section. She went for a private scan and was told that yes, it would be very high risk to have another and that settled it for her.

It's a difficult decision. I am working v hard on my dh. I suspect he is humouring me as I'm pretty sure he doesn't want a 4th but is saying he'll think about it.

[poocatcherchampion]

Thanks Cedric - you've made me think that perhaps we should pursue the idea of a birth debrief / meeting with the consultant. That is really helpful.

No, about you: what the situation with dh? Practical concerns? Lifestyle?

[cedricsneer]

He is (a very youthful) 48 and says that he feels he would be stretched too thin. He is a phenomenal dad, but with 3 boys he does have to do quite a lot of "role modelling" and I think that feels a bit daunting sometimes.

I know he would love it (as does he in his weaker moments!). He adored all the boys from newborn and is gaga about babies. Ds1 was absolutely not planned but being a dad has been the single most fulfilling and incredible journey for both of us. So I know he would take to it like a duck to water.

He spends a lot of time using having to upsize our car as an excuse though, and I kind of think that if that's the best he can do he can't really be that averse .

I'm also 37, so feel that time is ticking on. Since I turned 37 in August i have felt the time thing acutely.

I'm also debating moving and giving up the idea of private education, which has made me see 4 as a real possibility and I am getting more and more keen to just go for it. Ds3 is 4 1/2.

Many congratulations on your baby btw. I think a debrief would be a great idea. My last surgeon said she wouldn't recommend another c section but was no more specific than that. Having done my research accreta seems to be a risk, but I would just be prepared to have a hysterectomy if it came to that...

[yeOldeTrout]

It's your hormones messing with your brain.
Get a dog instead. Trust me on this, I have 4, I know.

[Minniemagoo]

So on the same page. Have 3 and on medical a dive had TL on 3rd section 7 years ago. There are moments even now I occasionally hope the TL failed but it's very much wishful thinking now whereas in the early days it was much more a regretful ache.
I'm 41 so not over the hill yet but every so often.I am reminded of the reasons for the TL, or would be much too risky and my children don't deserve me taking that risk.
Admittingly I have never considered surrogacy etc though would still like to maybe foster when youngest hits young teen years. Also I have 3, soon to be 4 young nieces and nephews and I am a thoroughly enjoying my role as Auntie!

[Minniemagoo]

So= Am so
A dive = advice
Hate posting from phone, apologies for random 'a's

[LumelaMme]

I think you need to take medical advice.

A friend of mine got pregnant after three sections. It was horrendous. She had a difficult pregnancy, and almost bled to death. She and the baby both survived, but it was a very close call.

Sorry: not what you wanted to hear.