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Are my children mine or property of the school

(34 Posts)
tesslayton Tue 20-Oct-15 19:22:25

I'm at my wits end with the school. I'm a mum to 5 children 5 mnths,3,5,6 and 7 year old. Had parents evening the other day they had nothing positive to report behind in Maths and English need to read more, need to be quicker when learning spellings the list goes on my children are not robots, they learn at the pace they do.. Then today to add to the mix go to pick up the children from school head master, teacher and social services in the office. My boy who's 5 has a pin prick of a bruise near his eye i've not noticed it but the story is from the proffs is that I did it with scissors or a pencil, his sisters have done it, fell onto the wall, tripped over a toy so basically 5 different scenarios unaware of any of it all social services say is i'll have to talk to the boss to see if further action needed. I was gobsmacked. Partner fumimg

lougle Tue 20-Oct-15 19:43:36

You need to cooperate. The bruise is not in a typical location for childhood knocks, so it needs to be followed up.

They are your children but you gave the school a responsibility for them the moment you enrolled them there.

lougle Tue 20-Oct-15 19:44:39

You need to cooperate. The bruise is not in a typical location for childhood knocks, so it needs to be followed up.

They are your children but you gave the school a responsibility for them the moment you enrolled them there.

LIZS Tue 20-Oct-15 19:52:17

Safeguarding is everyone's responsibility. Cooperate and they will soon realise that it is a non issue. However maybe with dc so close in age it is trickier to support them at home individually with reading etc and this may open a few avenues to assist you.

TRexingInAsda Tue 20-Oct-15 20:02:52

What has the school grades got to do with anything? And where does being the school's property come into it?!

My nan was in hospital the other day, and a nurse said 'where did she get that black eye? We'll have to look into that' I said 'no you fucking don't - she's not your nan - or do the hospital own the patients now? Mind your own business'.

Obviously that never happened, but you see where I'm going with it? Schools look after kids, it's normal. They see an odd bruise, they react. Your reaction to that is not normal, it's weird, and SS will be even more concerned if you're coming out with 'so what if he's got a bruise, he's my kid, not yours' (wtf) instead of showing concern about an injury he's got.

tesslayton Tue 20-Oct-15 20:11:56

We have no choice but to cooperate but if the school had any concerns why not speak to the parents first, I can understand that they have a job to teach but this is unnecessary stress thats not needed and I know we have nothing to hide so a home visit next maybe from them, interview the other children whatevers needed. The school recently had a new headmaster so is he making us an example of to others. Should of just kept home schooling them..

BlueBlueBelles Tue 20-Oct-15 20:19:08

One small bruise and levels behind the class do not necessarily mean a social services referral. There are more indicators for a child protection referral than that. Digging your heels in wont help.

Do you read with each child nightly? How far behind are they? Are they in school every day and on time? Are they clean and tidy every day? Are they often bruised and tired? Do they eat breakfast, or are they starving at lunchtime?

A bruise by the eye is quite a significant thing to have not noticed though, especially if it happened at home and he went to school with it.

Artandco Tue 20-Oct-15 20:20:06

I don't see any problem with that, if mine had a bruise I would be glad someone saw it. I would however take him straight to doctor to check though as pin prick sound more like a rash that might need looking at.

Behind in reading and maths, are you working on this at home? We are supposed to spend 30 mins each night on reading and maths per child here and have since 3. Are you doing this with eldest 4 children every night? You can get it done whilst doing other stuff also. Ie I would get older 2 to read to you aloud whilst you feed baby/ cook dinner. Then get them to do 15 mins maths each, which you sit with younger 2 and do reading with 5 yet a old, and letters with 3 year old. It's a fair bit every night, but you have 5 children so must have expected it? Or do half each with husband

LIZS Tue 20-Oct-15 20:20:38

Safeguarding policy would mean they cannot ask you directly before acting. Likewise they I'll not have spoken directly to your Ds. The policy should be available on the website or from the school office. It is very unlikely that this one incident has triggered it though, could there have been any other reasons for concern.

bloodyteenagers Tue 20-Oct-15 20:27:16

If there is abuse at home you cannot talk about it.

Imagine this scenario which is not made up btw. Hence investigation first.
So child goes to school with an injury. Child is really vague with how it happened. Parent comes along and someone from school asks.
Parent brushes it under the carpet
Even though one of the things child said might have happened blamed the parent.
So off go parent and child home. Parent is the abuser and assaults the child and is careful to not
Leave visible marks. And the cycle of abuse continues until either something really bad happens or child discloses and is believed.

It has fuck all to do with who owns the child. Or how respectable the parents appear. Or the head is trying to make an example. Everyone is responsible for child protection.

blaeberry Tue 20-Oct-15 20:27:56

My children are often have lots of (little) bruises - which they get at school. Why are they so sure this injury happened at home? They don't seem to have any idea how if occurred so they can't rule out it happening in school? (You still need to do what ss say though).

tesslayton Tue 20-Oct-15 20:32:38

I already have a private tutor to help my 7 year old starting next week, and i'm looking into employing a nanny just to help me. we attended a family funeral 2 weeks ago reluctantly got 2 days authorised but needed 3 as traveling afew hundred miles been given a letter maybe we'll be fined got a meeting with welfare officer and school.

Lightbulbon Tue 20-Oct-15 20:35:28

I think it is highly likely their concerns are about more than one bruise.

As another poster said they may have been worried about other issues too although only you will know if any apply to you:

Dcs uniform not clean, tooth decay, nits, BO smell, holes in shows, no jacket in cold weather, no lunch money, not enough food in packed lunch, no breakfast, kids being v fat or v thin, behaviour issues in class, lateness, not picked up on time, absence, being tired in class, not having basic social skills or table manners, frequent toilet 'accidents' etc

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig Tue 20-Oct-15 20:42:32

My dd1 has what looks like a bruise right on the inside of her nose near her eye socket. It is actually a vein. It's been there all her life. Not once has anyone ever asked me if it's a bruise of my making.Sounds like they're more worried.

TheLondonerSW4 Tue 20-Oct-15 20:46:47

Fucking social workers ....... Again

BlueBlueBelles Tue 20-Oct-15 20:50:48

You wouldn't get a fine for one day of unauthorised absence.

There's more to this.

tesslayton Tue 20-Oct-15 20:51:49

Late afew times children are always clean & tidy book bags breakfast maybe eaten in the car, afew dentist appointments and illnesses thats it. I can understand children have accidents and many are at school bumped head, grazed knee basket ball in the face are all reports I have and we get an accident form but school just get authorities involved forba tiny bruise that I didn't even notice so that makes me a sh** mum as I didn't see it or even know how, when or where he did it..

NerrSnerr Tue 20-Oct-15 20:52:15

I would be surprised if they got social services involved for one bruise. Is there anything else they might be concerned about? How is their attendance?

lougle Tue 20-Oct-15 21:10:40

I was once asked to explain DD3's bruise on her eye. I stared blankly, clicked, then said 'DD3, close your eyes'. She has a huge, blue vein that snakes across her right eyelid, but in the right light it looks like a black eye.

They couldn't tell you they were worried, as explained above. If the bruise is big enough for them to notice, among 30 children, then I'd question your claim that it is 'pin-prick'.

It must be hard to keep on top of the needs of 5 children under 7. I find it a struggle to keep an even keel with 3 children under 9 (although DD1 has SN).

lougle Tue 20-Oct-15 21:11:38

Under 10....I forget how old DD1 is because she seems like a 5 year old blush.

lougle Tue 20-Oct-15 21:12:45

Under 10....I forget how old DD1 is because she seems like a 5 year old blush.

tesslayton Tue 20-Oct-15 21:20:42

Thats just what it is a pin prick bruise on the under eye on the bone bit. The teachers Eben asked my daughter and she didn't know. My children would tell there life history with you, you can 't stop them my little boy thinks he's in trouble as in a room with mum, dad headmaster, teacher and social worker and reeled off different versions he thought he was in yrouble but reassured him he isn't gave a cuddle. Its hectic as partner works full time so yes i'll feed the baby whilst hearing reading and spellings etc..

fastdaytears Tue 20-Oct-15 21:21:23

Your children aren't your property or the school's.

The headteacher isn't trying to make an example of you. It's not like this will be going in the school newspaper. They aren't allowed to talk to you in advance of getting social services involved.

If you know your kids are healthy and happy then co-operate and show the SW how much of a non-issue this is.

mummytime Tue 20-Oct-15 21:24:10

Okay I got phoned by a SW, over something more obviously worrying than a bruise. I went as fast as I could, asked the SW questions, and was obviously both worried and fully co-operative. Including arranging for her to speak to my other DC.
Even if it is a school over reacting, you need to show co-operation and work to find out what did happen. To be honest I would wonder if it had happened in school, or when doing homework?

To be honest I would expect the SW to open a file, maybe talk to siblings and DH. And to keep a watch for a while.

However I am surprised the school managed to get SWs out for such a "minor" injury, so wonder if there is more to this.

Jux Tue 20-Oct-15 21:34:38

Schools have very firm duties set out in law which they cannot flout. They had no choice but to call SS.

Don't be combative, it'll make it worse.

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