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Are we the only ones with useless grandparents?

(21 Posts)
workingonitagain Sat 16-May-15 20:19:52

We have 3 ds and have 3 grandparents . Dp's mum&dad are divorced so they see them seperately. They are happy to come over but none of them actually makes any efforts to have fun with them. They are 1,3,5 and we are struggling with them too ( lots of physical fights). We are out a lot and they are doing lots of sports. I know it will eventually get easier but wanted to know if anyone is left to themselves when it comes to granparents or is perhaps because they are boys?

MoreBeta Sat 16-May-15 20:29:09

My mother and father never bothered with our DCs ever. I don't speak to them anymore.

My DWs parents cared but didn't do much either.

I think we have been on one night out away from home without DCs in 15 years and we begged DWs parents to come and stay months ahead for that!

It will get better. Zero tolerance on fighting. Absolutely zero tolerance. Its the only way. We have two boys and extreme exercise is the solution.

Chickenandpenguin Sat 16-May-15 21:03:25

We have two ds- 22mths and 3.5 years and another on the way. 2.5 sets of grandparents here and not one could care sadly. My parents say they love them Etc but we rarely see them (10 mins down the road) and they never have them. If they do visit they ignore the kids. Dhs parents even less interested. My dad and his partner even less than them. We're exhausted and would love a night out! They're too young for a random babysitter yet. Once they're older I plan on finding a good babysitter. I find t really upsetting and think on my parents side it's partly to do with us and our chn. My sis has 3 girls and my parents have them for full weekends/cover school hols etc
I was very bitter but am really trying to move past it. And plan on being a hands on grandparent should we get the chance.

workingonitagain Sat 16-May-15 21:14:16

Chickenandpenguin i wonder sometimes that as boys they are just too physically exhausting even just to look at and just imagine that with girls they could just sit and colour and do a lot more calm stuff but then we are very lucky to know a lady who is about 70 and absolutely adores kids and every now and then she invites us and other friends to her house and creates the most simple yet so entertaining fun or them. Thats when i feel so sad that my dc don't have a really fun grandparent they would remember forever. Well it is their loss. I will definitely want to be the most fun granny out there one day smile

Chickenandpenguin Sat 16-May-15 21:20:37

That's what makes me most sad I think, aside from how much we'd love some time off. I have a fantastic relationship with my mums parents as we practically lived with them when growing up. It saddens me that my boys will never have that with an older person. They are more energetic than my nieces and slightly younger too which makes things harder. I can't imagine that once they're older my parents will be jumping in to help. They're even moving closer to my sis no which is about 1.5 hours from us.
It's great you've found an adoptive grandmother though smile

Jenijena Sat 16-May-15 21:21:00

Workingonit Sone of my best childhood memories are about 'aunty anne' who lived round the corner between the ages of 5 and 7, and spoiled us rotten, and played with us amazingly. She would have been in her seventies at the time and was the grandparent of dreams. Unfortunately neither set of my grandparents were particularly engaged (interestingly, however, my remaining grandparent is a better/ more hands on great grandad to DS than grandad to me, I think).

beepbeep Sat 16-May-15 21:22:41

I had 3 under 3, struggled with PND and am now off work with PTSD, no help from either set. More sad for the children that one set really are not interested (but put on a big show when other people are around!!)

TheBitterBoy Sat 16-May-15 21:24:48

Useless is a bit unfair. Do you not think, well they've done their parenting time and although it might be nice if they wanted to help you out, they are under no obligation. As you get older you will realise how much more tiring very small children are.

mrsdavidbowie Sat 16-May-15 21:28:33

I will be a crap grandparent.

Chickenandpenguin Sat 16-May-15 21:29:59

It's not su much about the childcare - though obviously that's what we've discussed here - but the lack of desire to engage with grandchildren on any level. It's surely not that tiring to engage with them whilst visiting? Or actually bothering to visit? I don't think anyone has said their parents are useless, just disinterested. Which is sad.

Chickenandpenguin Sat 16-May-15 21:30:29

Ha sorry just clocked useless in the title.

workingonitagain Sat 16-May-15 21:34:19

Thebitterboy it might sound a bit unfair but i still think they are. To me when i hear the word "grandparent" the first thing that comes into my head is fun. That is what i think grandparents should be about. I never mentioned that i wanted a rest from my kids or that they look after them. All we ever wanted was to see them engaging with their grandchildren and show interest towards them.

workingonitagain Sat 16-May-15 21:37:16

Chickenandpenguin just cross posted and pretty much agreed smile

RandomMess Sat 16-May-15 21:39:57

Yeah, I'm nearly estranged from my parents so they can't squash my dc spirits after the did a complete number on me. In laws lived up the road but were never interested in having a relationship with our dcs. My dds were all well behaved (which they admit) but well erm they're just not interested!

Hurts like hell, feels like a rejection but it's got much easier since we moved away...

Jynxed Sat 16-May-15 21:41:15

My parents were never interested in my kids when they were small, and now that they are teenagers / young adults they seem surprised that my kids aren't interested in them. You respect what you sow.

Jynxed Sat 16-May-15 21:42:37

You reap what you sow . . .

workingonitagain Sat 16-May-15 21:43:30

TheBitterBoy sorry i don't mean to annoy you with this but when you said they did their parts as parents. They were pretty useless as parents too smile that's my dp's parents only tho

reddaisy Sat 16-May-15 21:45:58

We only have two DC but ours are just not interested either. DP's parents are in their seventies and help a lot with his sister's children and they only live 40 mins from them and we are three hours away so they don't know ours as well and find them more tiring as they are younger. They will literally hide behind a broadsheet newspaper every time they visit (1-2 a year) and DP's mum once walked out half way through the little show the DC's had put on for them because she wanted to make a cup of tea - which she did and remained in the kitchen with it.

My DP's pretend to be interested by posting photos on Facebook every time they see them but do nothing to support us.

Chickenandpenguin Sat 16-May-15 21:46:20

From what both our sets of parents have said jynxed, I think they're going to find that an unpleasant surprise too. It's rubbish really, but their loss ultimately. Well, that's what I think I should think. It's really our children's loss too isn't it sad

workingonitagain Sat 16-May-15 21:48:09

I also think a lot of them have the right intentions in their heads and they do actually love their grandkids but just don't know how to have fun or when it comes to making an effort they realise that shit it is hard work and honestly i'm not that bothered and lose interest...

loveandsmiles Thu 21-May-15 17:04:35

My DH is from abroad - parents no longer alive - rest of family keep in touch via phone but too far away to visit.

I am NC with my mum. She is ultimately interested in no one but herself.

Ultimately there is just DH and myself responsible for the 5DC with DC6 due in the summertime. It would be lovely to have a loving, fun grandparent around and to have someone to help out now and again but unfortunately we don't - I envy those that do though.

My mum will die a sad, lonely, bitter old lady - her loss.........

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