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Is this too much?

(8 Posts)
Brewster Sun 26-Apr-15 20:26:56

I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old and am 20 weeks pregnant.

I am a stay at home mum but I also work from home for my husbands company which is all internet based and takes up about 4 hours a week but I feel it is always hanging over my head as another of my jobs/roles to play.

I pay all the bills, organise all activities, do all the cleaning, bed changing, cooking, shopping, dog walking, vets , medications etc. most household decisions are mine, all discipline is mine to decide, ...pretty muchly anything that is not to do with being the main breadwinner is my role.

I am feeling very hemmed in, i have no option but to do all these jobs and be there fore everyone 24/7.

My husband does do school drop off in the mornings and is home by about 6.30 most nights but plays 2nd fiddle to me always.

He has never taken the kids anywhere by himself.

Even if i wanted to go out to work scant as i couldn't put the kids in full time care/after school clubs etc.

I have no interests outside the kids and house and i am now at a point where i feel i am going crazy.

It could of course be the pregnancy hormones pushing me over the edge but before i got pregnant i only had a year left and then i could go be me and do something for myself as then my little one would be off to it will be another 5 years as the new baby will need looking after.

I am at the end of my tether and feel i have no options....

chloeb2002 Tue 28-Apr-15 00:14:02

Always options.. It's your life your choice.
Childcare is flexible.. Au pairs, day care mums...
You only do 4 hrs for family business so I'm sure you can fit that in?

It's all in the way you look at it.

4dc. 2 to 12 years old. Work 3 days a week as a nurse. Dh works away 3 to 4 days a week. Live in au pair. No family as we live over seas.

Your life your choices. grin

Artandco Tue 28-Apr-15 10:49:28

SurEly you can just fit 4 hrs into one slot easily? Just say 6.30-10.30pm one evening

Eastpoint Tue 28-Apr-15 11:14:06

Are you taking advantage of the 3 year old getting free nursery hours and having sometime to yourself each day, or at least part of the week?

Do you remember what you liked doing before you had a dog & 2 children? Presumably you enjoy walking the dog, can you meet up with a friend a couple of times a week and walk together so you get some adult time combined with exercise/duty - it might make it feel like less of a chore?

Can you switch to online grocery shopping so you don't have to do the boring bulky part in person and can just buy fruit, veg & meat as and when - combine those outings with trips to pick up your oldest.

Sometimes even having a cup of coffee out is a big treat - someone else bringing you something which you won't have to clear up afterwards... Be kind to yourself and think how you would guide a friend in the your situation. Follow your advice!

lizabeth0607 Thu 04-Jun-15 16:37:49


Im a student at the moment, just finished my second year at uni- one more to go starting September.

I can honestly say I know how you feel. I have a DD who is 3 years old also, and 3 DSC, 6, 7 and 10. It's hard being the one not considered to work or have a job, yet you do absolutely everything else and have no break at all!! My DP goes to the gym every morning and leaves for work shortly after and as much as I love the children, I'm sure he has the better deal lol.

There are options tho, you don't have to wait 5 years, could always do some part time work and hire a nanny or childminder? Have to think of yourself too Hun xx

Athenaviolet Thu 04-Jun-15 16:44:37

So basically your DP has the life of Reilly, carrying on as if he has no family responsibilities whilst you are some 'call-on' maidservant?

Would you want this for your dd?

It's the wifework trap and you are well and truely caught in it.

Your relationship must be pretty spectacular in other ways to compensate, surely?

Lucyannieamy Fri 05-Jun-15 13:41:24

I feel for you in your situation and send you a big virtual hug, brew and cake, I'm sure a real one would be a real help to you today.

I suggest you look at treating yourself to a cleaner coming in a couple of hours a week to give you some me time. And have a long chat with your other half about you planning to go out to work when no. 3 is still small.

WinterOfOurDiscountTents15 Fri 05-Jun-15 17:26:32

I'm the surprised the answers are get a cleaner or hire a nanny. Your children have another parent who does nothing for them other than make the money. And he's home by 6.30 every he's mon-fri too?
Your problem isn't too many children or too much to do, its that your H doesn't pull his weight. WHY has he never taken them anywhere alone? WHY have you allowed him to do nothing?
You need to completely re-arrange your relationship and parenting. It's ridiculous to have one parent doing everything and one doing nothing!

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