anyone else get fed up of peoples opinions?

(21 Posts)
NewNameFor2015 Thu 16-Apr-15 16:24:03

I'm so fed up of it, I don't enjoy pregnancy, hate it in fact, but love what comes out of pregnancy! I have 3 under 5, 2 girls and a boy and DH and I would like 2 more in the future, although I would like my DC to be older before we have any more. We aren't asking anyone else to pay for them and aren't even entitled to Child benefit, so literally don't ask anyone else to pay for them.

And yet other people think they have an opinion on our family size. I am so sick of comments like 'so is dh getting the snip now?' and 'oh I bet you wont go making that mistake again!' angry and even the Avon lady had a f'ing comment to make 'oh wow, you have your hands full, would you like one of my girls to come and talk to you about contraception?' shock angry its none of their f'ing business.

LittleMissRayofHope Thu 16-Apr-15 16:29:52

I don't receive these comments as I have 2 DC and have stopped for financial reasons.

But I made a similar comment to a friend a few months ago. I have no idea why I said it. They are minted. They don't qualify for any handouts. They can afford it. Have big enough house, car etc. I've always known she wanted at least 4.
I've puzzled and agonised over why I said it as it caused tension and upset between us.
I have figured it out and explained myself.

Jealousy. I'm jealous of her ability to have more children. I'm not jealous or envious of the money etc. they worked bloody hard to be where they are. But I'm just a little jealous that she can have more kids while I can't.
That's my take on it anyway!!

littlepeas Thu 16-Apr-15 23:00:48

I have 3 - they are 6, 5 and 3 now, and with the eldest two at school I get far less attention than I used to, but I used to get a lot of comments. In all honesty, people just feel the need to say something - they aren't really judging in most cases, they are just searching for something to say. I am quite often told that I don't look old enough to have 3 children (had my eldest at 26, so younger than average in my area, but definitely 'old enough') and find it a bit annoying at times, but today I told a lady that she didn't look old enough to have a 29 year old (she didn't!) and quickly realised I'd done the very thing that annoys me to someone else. I honestly wouldn't take it personally.

BeautifulLiar Sat 18-Apr-15 16:46:50

Oh I get it all the time. Is there a clever answer to "you've got your hands full"?!

Other people probably think I'm the big sister wink I'm 25 with three kids, but I'm only 5 foot tall and blonde so probably look quite young...

cuckoowith2 Sun 19-Apr-15 17:48:03

People say that to me all the time and Iv only got 2! Dd is 2 and a half and 1 year old ds! Contemplating number 3 at the moment, God knows what people will say then! I think some people can't understand why you would have small age gaps, they think it must be a mistake or something! I know my mum thinks I'm mad already but there is 8 years between my brother and I so that probably explains her opinion on it!

loveandsmiles Mon 04-May-15 16:25:25

I can't believe the cheeky comments people make about my family - we have 5DC with DC6 due in the summer. I haven't told many people I am expecting DC6 as I can't bear to listen to the comments I got when I was expecting DC5 - "omg not another one", "do you not have TV in your house", "time DH had the snip", "you can't possibly have time for them all", "that's disgusting" etc....

We look after and pay for our own DC and ask no one for anything. It's no ones business but everyone seems to have an opinion - sometimes it feels like a freak show when we all go out.

Indantherene Mon 04-May-15 18:45:35

We used to get that too. I think it's the small ages gaps, since 3 isn't a particularly large family. When our 4th was born the others were 5.5, 4 and 2, and we got the comments from about midway through that pregnancy.

They don't seem to notice when the children are 3, 7 and 10 instead.

ScorpioMermaid Sun 10-May-15 08:49:10

loveandsmiles glad it's not just me that does this.

I'm 31 weeks tomorrow with dc9 and only told our parents 2 days ago. I can't bear the comments. 'where will you put it?' in a fucking drawer obviously hmm 'get me some cotton and a needle and ill sew it up for you if you can't get it done yourself' 'it's about time you got sterilised' plus the usual 'don't you have a tv?' cos that's just hilarious isn't it?! DH has started saying to people that 'yes, we do have a tv, more than one in fact, but i would much rather spend my evenings dtd with my dw than watching bloody coronation street' lol he's far more outspoken than me.

why do people think they have the right to make comments? its beyond me?!

I did however get talking to an elderly gent on the bus the other day, he was bowled over by the youngest 2 dcs and told me he also had 9 children but that they were the best thing he had ever done in his life and how much he adored them. he was getting me all choked up. especially when he said he his only regret was working down the mines as he missed out on so many of the milestones and younger years. He was lovely bless him.

NonDom Sun 10-May-15 08:52:14

I have five but can't really remember any negative comments.

littleflick Sun 10-May-15 09:25:10

I don't think it's jealousy. Far from it. Most people will wonder how two parents have time to give each child enough attention; impact on the environment; parents' interests in life outside of childcare, etc, etc, etc.

loveandsmiles Tue 12-May-15 17:06:57

Wow Scorpio 9 - amazing - I don't know anyone that has more than 4 - you make my family look small! Good luck for the new baby - other DCs will be getting excitedflowers

People think I must spend half my life DTD - absolutely not says DH!!

emmie5 Tue 12-May-15 21:19:45

i have 5 children , they are 12, 9, 8, 7 and 3yrs and 1 get fed up with comments like havent you got a tv or how do you cope with all of them , when we are out at weekends or in the hoildays and i ive in a 3 bed flat so the other one i get is how do you fit in a flat

BigSmilesCheesyPie Wed 13-May-15 09:58:52

I do think that people are more vocal and free with their opinions than they used to be. Growing up amongst families of 8, 4 and quite a few 3's. I don't remember any negative comments.

I could be wrong but I felt a sort of shift during the 2010 election, there was a lot of benefit bashing and also a lot of 'you there...how do you pay for your life?' and while this is not just aimed at larger families, it sort of (imo), opened the flood gates for people to be a lot more vocal and opinionated about other people live their life instead of getting on with thier own!

That said, perhaps people have always made comments, and perhaps it is that I have only noticed the comments since becoming a parent!

idliketoteachtheworldtosing Mon 18-May-15 01:45:48

I think a lot of it is because so many big families have been portrayed in the media as benefit scroungers. in all fairness there have been quite a few families having more children so they are then eligible for a bigger home, qualify for more benefits. I completely agree that child benefit should only be given to 2 children. hopefully things are going to be changing for the better under the conservitives. As long as you can afford your big family and not relying on.handouts then that is fine and good luck to you but if you see having a child as a right even though you cannot afford it then you should expect raised eyebrows!

loveradleybags Sun 31-May-15 09:38:29

Hi, I'm wanting #3 dh not keen at all I get comments from mother you don't want 3 or 2s enough or pleased it's only two you have. It pisses me off that others think they are entitled to tell you what they think!

For who was on dc#9 how the hec do you get out the house on time grin I have trouble with 2!!!! Good luck to all having babies or those planning babies

vodkanchocolate Sun 31-May-15 10:52:09

Yes also fed up of the comments, I have 5 not the way I had my life planned out but wouldnt change it. Its very hard work im finally starting to find things a bit easier

Lucyannieamy Mon 01-Jun-15 17:59:33

On this board as seriously considering no. 3. I am one of 2, I don't know anyone of my friends who is 1of 3 or more and only 1 of my friends ever talk of having 3. So with that lack of experience I have definitely made these shocked comments when I've met anyone with more

Panicmode1 Thu 04-Jun-15 08:14:21

At one point (when I had 4 under seven) and was SO fed up with all of the comments, I almost got a t-shirt printed with

1. Yes, we know how this happens
2. Yes, we do have TV
3. Yes, I must be mad
4. No, we don't take a penny off the state (not even CB)
5. So, it's none of your business

Did everyone see this article yesterday - finally a positive article about having lots of children.....

www.telegraph.co.uk/men/relationships/fatherhood/11645894/Why-families-with-three-or-more-children-are-the-happiest.html

itfcbabe Sun 21-Jun-15 00:42:55

I have 6 children aged 10,12,14,16,17 and 18.

When they where younger I got comments all the time, are they all yours? do they have the same dad? don't you have a tv? you are mad!!

I just ignore them and get on with life.

No as many comments only wow you have 4 teenagers that but be hard work? Not really they are really good kids,no problems, they don't stay out,drink,smoke etc, all want to go to university.

I would love another one,i'm 39 this year so still got a few years to have one.

Mommyusedtobecool Mon 29-Jun-15 21:07:42

I'm proud having a big family! And I was the second of 6, growing up myself! And I'm so grateful I had so many siblings.
An old school friend I bumped into recently, commented very loudly in the middle of town "girl is your TV broke? You need to read" to which I responded "yeah my TV is broken and I hate reading smile!" I laugh these comments off. Why would I be ashamed of my children? They're well mannered in public, intelligent and beautiful. And most importantly I can cope and we're not living off the state. So it's no one's business to disapprove.
A drunk past us on a day trip to Windsor when I had 6 and was heavily pregnant with #7 and said loudly "blimey, got enough children love?!" and I just said "yep thanks!"

MamaVikki Wed 01-Jul-15 10:20:30

Just 3 here, however when we announced our pregnancy with no.3 to the mother-in-law what came out her mouth....not congratulations or how exciting but "Why?"... we were stunned. That was it. Anyway I now take great pleasure in reminding her of that fact and she actually feels guilty because of course she has a strong bond with no.3 (and all her grandchildren) !

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