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Anyone else manage without family around?

(16 Posts)
Onelittleguru Fri 13-Mar-15 18:30:05

Hi there peeps,

Was wondering if there were any others in a similar situation... Me and my partner have full time care of five children between us ranging from ages 0-15.

Due to logistics of family we have practically zilch family support. I have a mother in law who lives round the corner and dictates I can have two hours of her time on a Monday or Wednesday morning so that's a negative response from me as that's when I take the little ones out to clubs/nursery/crèche.

Weekends can be quite daunting sometimes as caught up in a whirlwind of sleepless nights and excitable toddlers topped off with being a permanent taxi service for the older ones..

Are we an entity of our own here? :D

Thanks

ghostspirit Fri 13-Mar-15 18:45:45

i been totaly on my own with no family support at all for many years. single parent as well. me or the kids dont get birthdays or xmas aknowledged. i have to do everything on my own. i have to do things like plumb washing machines in on my own. decorate the house on my own. basicly everything in life that needs to be done is done on my own.

Onelittleguru Fri 13-Mar-15 18:48:19

Ditto! Even though I have a partner I have to do these sort of things also... How many kids do you have?

That's not nice your kids don't get acknowledged sad at least hey have a loving supportive mother! You must be doing a great job!

shelley1977 Sat 14-Mar-15 09:44:44

I was single parent to 5 with no family support or friends for many years. not easy at all. only 3 at home now with one due and a wonderful partner makes such a difference. Still no family support though.

itfcbabe Mon 16-Mar-15 06:46:11

My parents died in 1997 and 1999,we don't have anything to do with FIL and MIL sees the kids sometimes,it was hard when the 6 of them where younger without any help but we muddled through just the 2 of us with 6 kids.

Felangie Tue 17-Mar-15 08:49:14

Hiya. Yes very similar to you my hubby and I have sole care of 4 kids - my parents retired in France and are what you would call 'hands off' grandparents. They might see the kids once or twice a year at best and even then they like to be treated as visiting guests. My MIL lives round the corner too but has a busy social life; she will occasionally take the 1 year old for a few hours between her boyfriend and golf lessons. We are always struggling to find time for ourselves and bicker a lot because we are ALWAYS tired and frustrated. Eldest is 14, then 11, then 5 and the youngest 1. When we're not changing nappies, cooking, cleaning and breaking up arguments we are taxi'ing this kids to their activities. We both work too so juggle their care with an ofsted Nanny who is our life support during term time. Dreading the Easter hols when she is off...

whoseafraidofnaomiwolf Tue 17-Mar-15 10:51:44

Felangie, what's an 'ofsted nanny' please? Am just curious & wondering how it's different to a usual nanny?

Mutley77 Tue 17-Mar-15 12:10:06

We only have three but with big age gaps and no support so at times we really do struggle.

I have to say though for an offer of a mornings help I would change my activities around. Two free mornings off to get jobs or even my hair done sounds fabulous!

I am using a nursery one day a week for my youngest but can't justify the cost anymore so it is just me and dh, who works long full time hours!

I would also say it helps to capitalise on your friendship support networks. I lift share a lot and just dropping one activity run per fortnight makes a massive difference especially if it falls near toddlers tea or bed time.

Felangie Tue 17-Mar-15 14:06:50

@whoseafraidofnaomiwolf an Ofsted registered nanny is one who is registered with Ofsted (as Nanny's are employed by you - they are not self-employed). This entitles you to claim back up to 70% of your childcare costs from HMRC (we do ours via tax credits). In order to register, your nanny has to have an up to date first aid certificate (renewable every three yrs - they have to go on a course) have the relevant qualifications and pay the annual EYFS fee of about £105. It's totally worth it and is our best childcare option as there are so many activities to ferry the kids to/meals to prepare/homework to do and the nanny works exclusively for us from our home - unlike a childminder. Check out www dot Nannytax dot com for more info.

Onelittleguru Wed 18-Mar-15 07:34:07

Wow I never had a clue about being able to use a nanny this way Felangie, I'm thinking of starting a degree that has been lingering around me for quite some time! That's really helpful info to me..

I must admit it does help sharing the burden with peers when it comes to the taxi service for the kids...

I struggle at the weekends not having the family to pop and visit with the kids. My mother in law is a stone throw away but can't control her venomous mouth whenever I take the kids round so I AVOID!!!

My family all live abroad but I see them a few times a year at least...

imip Wed 18-Mar-15 11:43:51

I have no family on this side of the world! It's just dh and I!

We have an 8, 6, almost 5 this weekend, and 3 year old.

It is very tough, especially as dc1 and 2 have additional needs which require a myriad of hosp appointments. I'm a sahm, but I doubt we could have managed without considerable paid help if I was to have worked.

Dh and I have been out at night together TWICE since the birth of dd1 8 years ago! We don't have all that many friends here. We live in London and we have more than the usual number of kids, so I sometimes feel a little isolated if that makes any sense. Especially with dc2 who suffers very badly from anxiety (under the care of a psychologist)

But, it is what it is and dh and I love loving in London. We are going home over Easter (first time in 4 years) and are looking forward to all the pent-up baby sitting that grandparents, aunts and uncles can provide!

chloeb2002 Fri 20-Mar-15 19:50:56

Living in brisbane. No family here!
Manage as this is where we have spent all our married lives, we have an au pair. To help with childcare to let me get out to work.

whoseafraidofnaomiwolf Fri 20-Mar-15 22:03:16

Thanks Felangie, I had no idea there was any such thing. We've also managed alone for the duration of our children's lives. no family near or interested enough to help. Children are now 19,17,14, and 11 and we still manage alone, but it's easier now.

I feel sad that the children have missed out on having any other influential adults in their lives and, yes, it does exhaust you. We have the grey hairs as a reminder!

trickydickie Mon 30-Mar-15 00:15:43

I have 12, 9,7 and 4 yr olds. No family support whatsoever. No grandparent is interested. Our youngest has a chronic illness and eldest has had a mental health issue recently so finding it diffucult right now. We also both work though I do work from home.

We are lucky that 2 or 3 times a year we get out as a couple as our siblings babysit. We babysit back for them so a very occassional babysitting circle!

I would bite my mil's hand off if she offered to or had offered to babysit for one morning a week.

What saddens me most is that my children don't have any bond at all with their grandparents. I agree with whose, I try not to dwell on it because it can bring me down at times.

ScorpioMermaid Sun 26-Apr-15 13:01:12

We don't have any support either. We have 8 (19m -13y) and are expecting another in the summer. my DH works, I'm a SAHM. MIL/FIL aren't remotely interested, despite having had 7 themselves so they know how hard it can be. They come round for an hour or so once a month. DM/SD come over weekly for a couple of hours but just for a cuppa. She will have them for a couple of hours if I have a school thing or Drs appt etc and it clashes with DH at work, which is very rare I might add. I don't ask for help, never have but it would be nice for someone to offer so I can have a bit of time out, a couple of hours so I can get my hair done, anything. I'm always looking after other people's kids I think they think it's ok to ask because I won't notice another one. Iykwim. I'm super stressed and everyone thinks I'm super mum but I'm just really not.

loveandsmiles Mon 04-May-15 16:11:16

No support heresad

5DCs - 13, 10, 7, 5 & 2, with DC6 due in the summer.

DHs family abroad, no contact with my mother.

You do just muddle through. DH works long hours to support us all though so I am generally left with all DCs - the good times outweigh the bad but it would be lovely to have an extra pair of hands to help out in an emergency. Glad DC6 due in summer holidays as when I had DC5 (section), I had to sign myself out of hospital so I could do school run - we managed, although looking back I don't know how smile

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