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Newly single... Need a bit of help please xx

(5 Posts)
LeahLeah Fri 06-Feb-15 17:19:26

Hi Ladies,
I've recently split with my partner and there is absolutely no chance of a reconciliation, largely due to his recent shitty lifestyle choices and also because I've had enough of being mugged off and treated like a piece of meat. He's been very honest in saying he wants nothing to do with our children and I'm not going to chase or beg him any longer. My problem now is figuring out how to adjust to being a single parent. My kids have heard and witnessed enough and aren't being very cooperative with me right now. I know that they've had a tough time and this isn't easy for them, so I think that some structure and routine will help them a lot. Right now we have zero! can anyone help me by telling me what their daily routines are (as much detail as possible), it doesn't matter if you aren't a single parent, I'm just looking for some ideas. My DC's are 10,9,8,5,2 and 1. Bedtime and morning routines are what we need to master the most. And advice would be appreciated.
I am a SAHM, or was? I will need to go out and work as the money isn't far from drying up, and he's said he won't help in any way shape or form. Any child maintenance I get awarded will not cover everything. Plus , I want to work and be a good role model for my children.

MazyCrummy Mon 09-Feb-15 07:04:34

Hi Leah, I was somewhere very similar (DC were then 9/7/4/1) four years ago. I'll post later about routines etc if it'll help, but it's mad in the mornings here smile
I suddenly realised that I didn't want my DCs to grow up thinking that how ex behaved was what they should expect from their own DH, or how to treat their DW when they grew up. That was my epiphany.
I'll be back later...

waithorse Mon 09-Feb-15 19:37:08

I have no idea, but wish you luck. You sound like you're a great mum.thanks wine

MazyCrummy Mon 09-Feb-15 21:04:44

Hi Leah, all quiet on the Western front now... Hope things are going ok for you.

I was on my own with DCs for around a year before I went back to my pre children job but now I work so routine is up at 0645, snacks, dealing with pets and out by 0745. DD dropped at her friends at 0800 and boys to breakfast club, then work for me.

Nanny collects all from school and the children do homework /reading /tea before I get in at 1800. Then I've got time with them until DS3 goes to bed at 1930, DSs1&2 at 2000 and DD at 2030. Staggering it meant I got time with each of them before bed.

We also have a 3 warnings system for any disrespectful behaviour (to me or each other) and then no screen time until need the following day if they get to 3. Like 3 strikes and you're out.

Pm me if you want to chat.

Xx

PS whether he wants anything to do with the kids or not, he's still legally obligated to provide for them. CSA can be a pain in the arse but it worked for me

NAR4 Sun 15-Feb-15 10:51:53

I became a single mum 6 months ago, but used to do everything myself anyway (except earn the main household income), so didn't change much for me. My children are 18, 16, 14, 3 and 1, but are all coming up for their birthdays during the next 11 weeks. I do appreciate the difference in only having 2 little ones, but really teenagers don't help much at all, like some people think.

Morning routine;
-I get all clothes out the night before and do packed lunches after I get in from work (I work evenings), ready for the morning. Also make sure all school/pre-school bags are packed and already in the car with coats.

-5.45am breastfeed youngest.

-6am wake up any children still asleep, phone set for 6.10am as well, in case I fall back into an exhausted sleep and as a time youngest has to stop feeding, if still on. Toast/crumpets/pancakes, or other low mess breakfast (compared to cereal being thrown everywhere), while I clean my teeth and wash (I never bath first thing in the morning, not enough time).

-Children have teeth cleaned, starting with oldest, who can then make a start with getting dressed, while I clean the little ones teeth. Obviously I'm just talking about the youngest 2 here smile.

-Once children are dressed I normally run car if it needs defrosting and rush upstairs to get dressed (luckily I'm in a remote village, so highly unlikely someone would steel my car).

-I often do a drink for myself in a travel mug, for when I get to the bus stop and little ones have a sippy beaker in the car.

-7am leave the house (often feeling frazzled).

-I'm lucky and have 30 minutes after getting home from the first school run, before needing to leave for pre-school, so have this as a backup time if the youngest 2dc didn't have time to get their hair done etc.

Bedtime routine;
-Prepare meal ready to put in the oven at the weekend. I cook in batches and freeze them, then just defrost each meal overnight in the fridge, when needed.

-3.45pm turn oven on to warm up, get little 2 to go to the toilet and get shoes on.

-4pm put tea in the oven and leave for the school bus stop.

-4.45pm arrive home, dish up tea and often come close to a nervous breakdown about how long little 2 are taking to eat.

-5.30pm-5.45pm quick bath for youngest 2 (often regardless of how much/little they have eaten), massage in eczema cream afterwards (find this also helps to relax them), dressed for bed, story, breastfeed (youngest), bed. Normally in bed between 6-6.15pm.

-6.30pm quietly leave for work leaving 1 of my older children to sit in the little 2's room until they are asleep.

-10pm (ish) get home from work and clear up all the mess from tea and bath time, unload and reload dishwasher, put any clothes washing on, do packed lunches, put bags and coats in the car for the morning. Make sure oldest are all in bed and say goodnight. Fall into bed almost asleep already.

It gets easier as they get older, but I find mine don't seem to have any sense of urgency or time.

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