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leaving dc3 to fate, the right thing or not?

(24 Posts)
wintersdawn Tue 09-Dec-14 18:50:03

would it be really irresponsible to allow fate and a timeline to decide if we have dc3.

we currently have dd 3.5 and ds 1.5 and we can not decide on if we should have a third or not. it will make things a little tighter money wises but not unbearable.

we have dicussed it on numerous occasions but can never really decide if the pros outway the cons or the other way round.

my one thing is I don't want a big gap if we are going to do it . Ideally I'd want to already be pregnant so the school year spacing was the same but as it's not I'd want it to be born by the end of next year.

so is it foolish to leave it to chance and come off the coil and see if I'm pregnant by March and if not accept it's not meant to be. or is that an irresponsible way to decide on adding to our family?

holeinmyheart Tue 09-Dec-14 23:32:05

Go for it. Who cares whether it is irresponsible or not ? you will have some hot unprotected sex meanwhile. That will be fun, and then if it happens it happens.
Why stop at three? Your old life as childless parents has long gone. I always think four is a nice round number.
I am a bit biased as I am pleased that I did not stop at a measly two.
When they all come home they are such a lovely bunch. It is worth all those sleepless nights and hard work.
Xx Best of luck.

SingingSands Tue 09-Dec-14 23:35:04

It sounds as though you want to try for a baby, but don't want to admit to yourselves that you are trying for a baby. In which case, do unprotected trying for a baby sex and see if you are rewarded with a "surprise" (not really) baby.


furcoatbigknickers Tue 09-Dec-14 23:35:32

I was the same with number 3. Im so glad we had her, no 3 teally is a charm.., i have 4. Love love love. But, they are expensive and hard somtimes! But as above poster said, you are a parent already.

clara85 Thu 11-Dec-14 12:51:55

This is what we did as I was driving myself insane debating wither or not to have a 3rd every single day and wanted a small age gap ( with hindsight should have done it 6 months earlier as I find bigger age gaps harder! ).

DS3 is currently 13 weeks old..- ds1 is 4 & ds2 is almost 3.... i hate the baby stage and will be back at work next month but the thought of 3 children growing up together is worth it smile

I def feel done at 3 but as the first 2 are so close together I do agree 4 could be a good number but I couldnt cope with 4 lol good luck!

Mouthfulofquiz Thu 11-Dec-14 12:54:33

How funny! I had the same conversation with my other half last night! We decided 'what the hell' and just wait and see what happens. I love my two children with all my heart and can only imagine living any more that come my way... But if I'm only meant to have two, well - I got a fabulous pair already so I'm happy! Good luck!

wintersdawn Thu 11-Dec-14 18:57:32

I would love 4 always wanted an even number of kids but think age and finances would halt going higher than 3, however 2 just doesn't feel finished.

evertonmint Thu 11-Dec-14 19:01:13

We set a deadline because we didn't want another school year to tick by. I'm bf 6mo DC3 now. He doesn't sleep but he's the happiest, cutest baby there is and is the best deadline we ever set ourselves grin

wintersdawn Thu 11-Dec-14 21:19:35

Yeah unfortunately we messed up as far as school year spacing goes unless we emigrate down under.

FiveLittlePeas Fri 09-Jan-15 14:14:22

Why so many people seem so keen on small gaps? And what will happen if you are not pregnant by March? Would you go back on the coil then? Or would you keep trying?
As I said in another thread not 5 mintues ago, larger gaps are grerat!

Gautami Fri 09-Jan-15 14:18:00

we did exactly that.... 9 years ago.

Number 3 hasn't ever arrived. This is fine, but something you also need to prepare yourself for.

disneymum3 Sun 11-Jan-15 18:37:15

We left all our DC to fate, never actually "tried" to get pregnant with any of them they just happened when they happened. My DC are 5,4, and 1. If we happen to get pregnant again so be it.

QueenofKelsingra Sun 11-Jan-15 22:11:05

we're doing this for DC4, if it hasn't happened in 8 months we will call it a day as the age gap will be too big. I would really like a 4th but would be happy with my 3 if it stays as we are.

AWhistlingWoman Sun 11-Jan-15 22:15:22

We did the same. DD3 arrived the very next month grin and we all adore her.

Now trying to persuade DH to leave a fourth to fate! wink

Molotov Wed 14-Jan-15 19:18:37

I'm thinking of doing the exact same thing! Dd1 turns 6yo next month; Dd2 is 3yo is April ... I've been deliberating for a year now and can't quite seem to settle on a decision. I'm happy with my two but can't shake the feeling of maybe wanting just one more. I wish I could just make my mind up! I don't want to do it and regret it (I think I manage well with two) but I don't want to regret not trying year down the line.

Molotov Wed 14-Jan-15 19:19:35


ShellyBobbs Sat 31-Jan-15 21:31:08

I was like this with my 4th, should we shouldn't we, he's 2 now but there is an 8 year gap between him and my 3rd. Number 5 is due in March grin

jaggythistle Tue 10-Mar-15 20:16:40

My "what the hell, let's see what happens" DC3 is due in about 3 months grin

I was going to give it maybe 6 months and it took 1 or 2 of not much effort in the end. I was a bit shock, but am quite excited now.

<waves to Molotov>

Molotov Wed 11-Mar-15 19:40:55

Waves back at jaggy smile

Congratulations to you! thanks That's lovely news x

I'm still going slightly mad but might not try/but try this month.

Blame it on a photo I saw today of a very contented-looking me holding beautiful 4wo dd2.

Everything will work out. I need some faith.

Chicksy Sun 29-Mar-15 23:53:31

We did this too. Always thought deep down we wanted 3 but couldnt decide on right time. It was coming up on my birthday and decided my next birthday would be a cut off that I am too old.
We set ourselves a 3 month window if it happens it happens and if it doesnt we are done. Got pregnant straight away (didnt with the other 2) so clearly a sign we were meant to have 3.
Couldnt imagine it being any other way. 3 is just fab!

DeeDee1981 Mon 30-Mar-15 08:10:43

Hi, dh and I are currently in talks about #3. I would like another but he's not so sure. This is really starting to get to me now as I can't help feeling what I feel (as in I want another baby!!!) but at the same time I want him to want it as well. Really not sure the best way to approach this subject with him without us fighting about it. hmm

cuckoowith2 Sun 19-Apr-15 18:10:30

My husband is the same DeeDee!
We've shelved it until autumn and then we will re address it! That works for me as we've just moved house so I want to spend the summer doing it up a bit! Im not sure he'll be any keener then though confused

Lyinginwait888 Wed 22-Apr-15 21:27:47

We're also waiting until summer. I'm taking folic acid just in case we have a contraceptive failure.

I don't think I do want one at the moment. I was desperately broody last month but no, I don't think I could do it all again.

But it think we'll regret it if we don't try! confused

Busymee Wed 17-Jun-15 22:41:16

Hey I'm in a similar boat however my 2 DC are over 7 which would leave quite a gap! Im worried if we had a 3rd ( hopefully) that the 3rd would feel like an only child, abundant love but not a play mate, my other 2 were 16 months apart. I would have no 3,4,5... If could have afforded it! I literally watch that 16 kids and counting and wished that was me! Ok maybe not 16 but a measly 5? I was 1 of 5 loved growing up with a big family, my sister is 15 years older and we now are very close.

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