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Unintentionally pregnant with dc4, what to do??

(12 Posts)
Deckmyballs Tue 02-Dec-14 17:14:59

So I've discovered I'm pregnant. I have 3dc already. We are on a lower than average income and live in a 3 bed house with zero chance of moving/extending. I have a boy and 2 girls. We have a car just big enough to fit existing dc. I have been having issues with parenting recently and also in my relationship (see previous posts if necessary)

What on earth am I supposed to do?! I'm so shocked and confused sad

EverythingsRunningAway Tue 02-Dec-14 17:24:08

Shit, that's a lot of stuff to deal with. flowers

Is there anyone in RL you can call on to come over for a chat/take the kids so you can have some alone time to think?

MN has its limits, and it sounds like you could do with someone who can hug you as well as us. If possible.

Otherwise you might have to make do with virtual hugs ((((()))))) smile

This seems overwhelming now, but situations like this are pretty common and people get through them and are way better than fine afterwards.

You will be OK.

Deckmyballs Tue 02-Dec-14 19:57:32

Thanks everything. I don't really have anyone in RL tbh! A few friends but no one close to me that I could speak to about things and my parents live over half an hour away and both work so childcare isn't easy. My husband thinks we have no choice but to not have the baby but something just doesn't sit right with me there but realistically do I seriously have any other options?! Want a big wine!!sad

Deckmyballs Tue 02-Dec-14 19:58:16

Also the dc I have just now are 6, 4 and 2 and a half...

EverythingsRunningAway Tue 02-Dec-14 22:47:35

Yes, you have other options.

Of course you do.

I have your family (in children and age terms), so we have that in common at least. smile

What do you want? (If you know yet)

What's the best life you can imagine for yourself in a year's time?

In five years time?

When you think about your future, what do you want?

Xxxxxx

trickydickie Thu 04-Dec-14 00:06:15

I didn't want to read and not answer. Especially because I have been where you are. Please search through previous posts there are quite a few with great advice.

How do you think you will feel about terminating the pregnancy? How do you think you will feel after? Relief, regret? I am in no way trying to sway your decision.

I know if I found myself in your position right now I would terminate the pregnancy. I have reached saturation point in everyway. Patience, money, time, space. Though in your position 5 years ago I didn't terminate.

Hope you can come to a definate decision soon.

professornangnang Thu 04-Dec-14 08:06:24

That's really tough. I think first and foremost you have to think about what's best for the children you already have. Would it benefit them to have another sibling or would it make their lives more difficult? That's the key question.

Deckmyballs Thu 04-Dec-14 10:27:37

Thanks for the replies.
I honestly think it would make things harder for everyone, children and adults tenfold. DH thinks it would seal the end of us (not me choosing to have the baby but the pressure on life from doing so)
The dc I have are all just becoming a little more independent and the light is showing at the end of a tunnel of night feeds for the past almost 7 years, can I really enter into the darkness again? My middle dc needs additional support and is being tested for SN, I think this would hold her back again. We would never ever be able to go on holiday again. They wouldn't have the things they do now unless something drastically changed. We would have to buy a new car. We would have to do something with the house. I just can't see it working. But I still can't convince myself that the other option is an option sad

AMerryScot Mon 08-Dec-14 18:37:34

My fourth and fifth children are the most amazing blessings. I can't imagine life without them.

sameasme Mon 08-Dec-14 19:57:20

I was in your position 12 years ago, except my dc were older.

I went through all the what ifs - youngest was about to leave primary and an end to the school run was on the horizon; all sorts of other insurmountable problems.

DH was adamant he didn't want another child. Went to DM for advice and she was against as well. Some of our dc have SEN and I knew if I asked for help, both DH and DM would not want to help.

Even sitting in the clinic I knew I didn't want to go through with the termination, but really needed someone to give me "permission" to have the baby. Of course by the time the due date rolled around, all the insurmountable problems had melted away.

3 years of carrying the guilt around, and DH admitting he felt we'd made a mistake, we decided to try again. I had 2 miscarriages, which DH felt was punishment, then 3rd time we were lucky. But with a massive gap, which is far from ideal.

What I would say to you is that you've only mentioned the effect on your other dc/house/car. Not you. You need to forget about all the problems; they will disappear. You need to think carefully about what you want.

If having thought carefully you really can't bear the thought of doing it all again then it is perfectly OK to go for termination. But if you actually really want this baby then don't be swayed by difficulties, because you will manage. You will have to live with your choice so you need to be sure it is right for you.

Kim82 Mon 08-Dec-14 20:36:21

I found myself in the same position this time last year. My children are a bit older than yours (they were 12, 9 and 6) and we live in a tiny 3 bed house with no extra room and no money to move. After lots of discussions and thought we decided to go ahead with the pregnancy. I already had 1 boy and 2 girls and dc4 is a little girl and is now 4.5 months old. We have swapped bedrooms so that the girls have the larger room and when baby is old enough she will share with them. We have bought lots of space saving furniture (triple tier bunkbed amongst other things) so they have enough room for their things. Luckily we already had a 7 seater car so that wasn't a worry.

Neither of us have well paid jobs so we bought all the babies things second hand to save money (we had no baby stuff at all as our youngest was 6). We've had to tighten our belts money wise but we've managed so far.

As a pp said, the problems you mention are not insurmountable. Good luck with whatever you decide. X

trickydickie Wed 10-Dec-14 22:45:49

deckmyballs- hope you are ok and have come to a decision you are sure about.

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