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Will no. 4 ruin my family setup?

(13 Posts)
mrsbee2be Wed 05-Nov-14 08:37:31

Currently have 3 DD's aged 14, 3 & 2.... The little ones are 13 months apart & very close.
DH & I have decided we'd love another but I'm now worrying that no. 4 would ruin the little ones friendship, they're great mates would an extra little person cause more arguments around the house or will it work.
Also we live in a 3 bed so would really need to move or could we manage as we are?
We don't want to wait too long if we do as having such a big gap with DD1 & 2.....Anyone have any experience the can reassure me with?! smile

holeinmyheart Wed 05-Nov-14 12:03:21

Go ahead, I think having four children is great.
However, if you have a boy what will happen ( only in my very subjective opinion) is that he will not only be the baby of the family, but a boy as well. The girls may well feel that you favour him, and it may well be true.
My mother had a boy after two girls because she was desperate for a boy. She absolutely worshipped him and went on to practically ignore us girls.
She had such a terrible struggle when he married and promptly disappeared with his control freak wife to the other end of the UK. She never liked his wife and because they were so close, Mother and spoilt rotten son, his wife made sure that she got between my Mum and my brother. I felt so sorry for my Mum as her little darling was gone.
I love my brother and we laugh about the situation now. I would have liked to duff him up when we were younger for being so annoying but he only had to shout 'Mum' and in she came all guns blazing to protect him. He was a little brat.
However if you are sure you don't want another baby just because you want a boy, then go ahead. You have a 50/50 chance.

When my Mum and Dad were ill. Guess who did the the work of looking after them? Us girls ! My brother did not lift a finger. They should have thanked God that they had girls. When ever I see someone with lots of girls I feel so envious that I didn't have more.
My boys, who I was exceptionally close to, have disappeared into their wives families. I get on with their partners fine. But my friends who have male children also say exactly the same thing. I know it is life but having to make appointments through their wives to see my sons, is so hard and I miss them.
Sorry if this is a bit of a rant and unlike you I do know what it is like to have both boys and girls.
However , I did not realise the old adage was true .. A daughter is a daughter for life etc. and then it happened to me and I was surprised and grief stricken.
Have another child and I hope it is a girl. I wish I had had four girls. Best of luck.

mrsbee2be Wed 05-Nov-14 12:29:15

(Whisper) I'd actually really just like another girl although of course I know I can't be picky! wink

holeinmyheart Fri 07-Nov-14 00:32:17

OK go on then. You won't regret it! Have all the tests going! Xx

Wannabemumof4 Wed 12-Nov-14 21:20:47

Hello!

I have 3 DD's and am pregnant with No.4 and am over the moon. No idea if it's a boy or girl but I'm assuming it's a girl as I have 3 already. I am also from a family of 4 (I have 3 brothers) and I don't think boys disappear into their wives lives. I often feel for their wives that our family takes over. It is my second brother who is the most likely to cook with my Mum, hang out and have a glass of wine with her until the small hours etc. In any case I think 3 works better than 4, even numbers, no single middle child etc. but ask me again afer my 4th is born. Maybe it will be mayhem! smile

lornemalvo Wed 12-Nov-14 21:32:43

I think it will be fine. I don't have 4 but I do have 3 little ones which is what you will have plus a teenager. My 2 were the best of friends and now my 3 are. It is lovely seeing them all together, playing and chatting away. Of course, some siblings just don't get on. You cannot know if yours will or won't until you have them. Good luck.

furcoatbigknickers Wed 12-Nov-14 23:35:35

I have four and wouldnot have it any other way. But, 4 takes it to a new level.

ZingOfSeven Thu 13-Nov-14 00:12:07

we have 7 children, 13 years between oldest and youngest.

I find the more children you have the more people can share that wonderful experience of totally falling in love with a newborn. BabyZing has 5 brothers and a sisters and we all adore him.smile

You can not predict how things will change, only hope for the best. but what it's worth I think your 4th will slot in.

moving - you might have to move, especially if you end up having twins! grin
(or triplets....)

good luck!

ZingOfSeven Thu 13-Nov-14 00:12:44

*and a sister
(not plural)

mrsbee2be Thu 13-Nov-14 07:47:58

Thanks for the replies...it's great to hear positive stories about having lots but I'm not sure I'll make it to 7 Zing!!
I just a big worrier, I'm worried about what people will say it was bad enough when we announced DD3's quick arrival after her sister. I'm also scared if the friendship will be ruined & other things like will 3 little ones be too much? I know wannabemum you say 4 evens it out but we'll only have 3 small ones will that work? Surely they'll all fight when playing on the see saw....And silly things like, Will we all be able to fit in hotel rooms?! Who'll sit with who on rides? Will we still be able to go on holidays or will it be too much?
Does everyone else feel this stressed out when they think of planning more?

BL00CowWonders Thu 13-Nov-14 08:33:08

I think I'd be most concerned about your oldest. It might turn into her vs 3 'babies', upsetting the balance.
Will the teen get enough of your time and energy when she needs it? (Can you tell I'm spending a lot of time on the mumsnet teenager boards?!)

Wannabemumof4 Wed 19-Nov-14 14:35:48

My 3 DD's are 20 months apart each one. So when DD3 was born, DD1 was 3y4m and DD2 was 20 months. Now they are 6, almost 5 and 3. They get on great. Of course they fight too like all kids etc. but it's so nice to see them play together. DD1 & 2 treat DD3 like a baby a bit so I think she is in for the biggest shock when the baby comes. She is acting up now a bit but it's possible when the baby comes she will not care so much as I will be careful not to do too much cooing over the baby around her at least until she is used to her. I found that with the others. 3.5years seems like a huge gap to me so we'll see what the dynamics are like but I think DD2 (middle child) is really going to take to the baby as she loves taking care of little ones.

Of course it stressful deciding what to do but most people say they regret not having more kids not the opposite but then it is such a personal choice. I always wanted 4 kids but DH took some persuading - hence the age gap!

I wouldn't worry about what people say. I'm sure lot's of people think I am mad. Most of the families in our school have 2 or 3 kids max. But you can't make decisions based on other peoples opinions. As for hotels, most hotels have a policy of of 2 adults 2 kids max per room so with three kids you usually need 2 rooms anyway and that doesn't change with 4. You have a teenager so I don't know how she will feel like sharing with the little ones but by the time you have this baby she is going to be 3 or even 2 years off 18 so may not go on holiday much with you anyway.

trickydickie Sat 22-Nov-14 14:32:02

I have 4 kids and love it now. I didn't feel happy though until about a year ago. I just found it drudgery and hard work (most of the time). My fourth child happened after dh's vasectomy so maybe the shock etc. of the pregnancy contributed to my feelings. Whereas your fourth will be planned so totally different feelings.

My children are now 12,9, 6 and 4 and I love them and love having four kids. I have 3 girls and youngest a boy. Also, I have a naturally lazy, unorganised disposition which is not a great trait when you have four other lives to organise.

Your 3 youngest will be best friends. I love watching my 3 youngest play. All my kids have someone to play with at any time really. I am sure your teenage daughter will be fine. My oldest doesn't need me as much as the younger two but she is not shy in coming forward when she does need a chat or to tell me about her day.

Do you have support (from extended family)? I didn't which is why I think I also found their babyhood, toddlerhood quite hard. Some days when they were much smaller it could take hours to get organised just to get out the door. I couldn't see the wood for the tree's then and could never imagine how happy and how much easier it was ever going to be.

Hope I haven't put too much of a negative slant on your post, just wanted to give you different opininions.

I also worry about having enough money and time to go round 4 children. I think you just find the money somehow and your time becomes like love, enough just comes to go around.

Oh and I wanted a fourth girls. I thought who could ask for anymore out of life than 3 sisters (no chance of being lonely). My friend is a fourth daughter and she loves it.

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