Tell me about going from 3 to 4 small kids(11 Posts)
Hey, I can't advise, but I'm in the same boat as you. Almost. My eldest is now 6, youngest 22 months.
What stops you from going straight to 4? What are your worries?
No worries as such, I think it'll be great. I just don't want three close in age ten the fourth to be really separate.
That's what I say!
I've just turned 25 and have a 6, 3 and 22 month old. If I ever dare to mention we're broody most people's response is "Just wait! You've got loads of time!" But... I don't want a big gap like that?!
I think you should go for it can't be that much different to three can it?!
I think if you know that you would like more you may as well go for it. I'd heard the 'once you have 3 you don't notice anymore' line...it's a lie IMO!! It's really hard work but it's lovely. 2 in nappies is interesting (at one point I had 3 in nappies overnight as one of the older DC's was still wet at night, I just lined them up and had a production line!).
Would you have 4 or would you like more eventually?
My gap is not so small, DC1 was 6 when DC4 arrived. The rest between pregnancies was good. TBH I quite like the 18m gap between the middle 2, they share clothes, are into the same stuff etc. They will be a year apart at school so I know the application system etc off by heart.
One bonus of having them close together is that I've only had to do school runs when 2 of them were babies, if I had spaced it out more I would have had to do it 3 times (I find the school run with a newborn a bit of a killer).
The amount of washing I do is amazing and Ocardo are my life saver (they are the only ones who seem to never substitute or having missing items).
The things I found easier with the larger gap was that by the time I fell pg the older 3 were sleeping through the night. They were also old enough that they would sit on the sofa with me and watch a film while I napped during the early weeks of being pg. They could also all do their own shoes by the time I was really huge and couldn't reach the floor.
I had no 4 the month before DC1 turned 6. So 6, 4, 2 and newborn. It was/is busy but has all worked out great. DC4 is nearly 3.
The washing machine definitely noticed DC4's arrival but apart from that she really did just slot in. DC4 is the naturally funny one but fiercely independent!
They always have someone to play with. Watching the interaction between them is lovely. I am finding because they are so close together I can often get 3 of them into the same activities at the same time, which does make logistics easier.
Downside is I don't get much time to do anything for myself but there wasn't much of that anyway when there was 3 of them.
So overall no regrets here
Kind of a minor but what car did you get? We currently have a touran... 7 seat.
I love the boding between mine. 18.5months apart and then almost 20 months apart...
I think we would handle it well as we're quite laid back. My tummy muscles need to be stronger first though as I feel a bit weak still...
And maybe need to hold back until bigger home, I don't know. But I have a feeling about next year. Then there the feeling shattered when doing preschool runs, feeling in competition with myself which triggers low mood for a few months. Then it passes.
We've said we would love another to make four, and then we may have mre. I just think four close in age seems nicer than three, and we low being parents so that a bonus.
I tell you what though as much as I loved all tree pregnancies, mainly until I got SPd for two days an couldn't walk.. But man do you remember with your first pregnancy when you went on May leave and could NAP whenever? That never happens now, or rarely lol and even with a second you can nap when they nap. No such chance with three... Well again. Rarely! Or I just choose to buy body when they all do nap!
How do you feel it effects your Children having another? Especially eldest? We do always make time for each of them as individuals as well as a unit, so will definitely keep that going x
For various reasons we currently have a Toyota Landcruiser which I do like. But on summer hols this year we hired a Ford S Max and we both thought it had great space in it. But not in the market to change mine at the moment.
I found that when DC3 came along the chance of a catch up day sleep didn't exist. So when DC4 came it wasn't even considered.
I do try and cook large quantities so one night I cook then the next night I reheat. Works well the nights we have activities till 5 - they are reheat nights : )
If you ask the older children they are glad they have each other and they do love each other. Still usual sibling squabbles! I do make sure the younger ones are kept out of the way if they have school friends over to play. When DC4 was a baby DC1 would often come in from school and sit on the sofa cuddling her for half an hour or so whilst I did dinner or homework, but it was her choice to do so.
I did have a large timber playpen I used for DC3 and DC4 so I could nip to the loo etc without them having to be responsible for younger ones.
I have never let the younger ones stop the older ones doing things they want to do. Little ones get dragged along too. They had a school Halloween party tonight so the kids weren't going to bed till 8.40pm. Usual bedtime for two youngest is 7pm. But I did lie down with DC4 (nearly 3 and long given up a day sleep) for 15 mins at lunchtime so she went to sleep and slept for over an hour. It meant she could be dragged along tonight and enjoy it.
Dc4 came along when dc1 was 5.2
It was pretty mad, chaotic and a challenge. They are now 7, 6, 4 and 2. Dc3 has just started reception and I am down to one at home. I must admit I love my time at home with dc4. It's calm and peaceful and I can chat and play with her.
I do think there is a big difference between three and four dc though, at least when they are that young. It's the unforeseen things. Dd1 has suspected arthritis and dd2 suffers from anxiety, so I am constantly between two hospitals for dd1 and a psychologist and Senco at school for dd2. I hope all is ok with dc3&4 otherwise I will have to concede that I will never be going back to work!
I am glad for them all of course, and I wouldn't change a thing, but I just would never have counted on how difficult it would be with the four dcs and I do think I tend to ignore someone some of the time. They fight like buggery at the moment, but next minute they will be playing 'pussy cats and sisters' and it will be all harmonious for half an hour .
We don't have any family support, and that's tricky. Balancing out their needs also. All want to trick or treat with their friends on Halloween. We are in an area where one or two kids is the norm, so it's impossible for me to arrange this with all their friends. I'd love to do a big party, but then it's me catering and cleaning (have done this before) and I cannot do it all the time.
And reading! How the hell do I listen to dd1 read long books, then dd2, who reads longish books but needs more help, and dd3 who is just starting to read. That would be a full night gone two nights a week! So, you need to work out shortcuts.
I'm not saying don't do it, but I guess saying that you give up a lot more of yourself with each child you have. But I do love having 4 dcs
I'm currently very close to going for a fourth. Mine are 6, 4 and 2. They'd be at least 7, 5 and 3 by the time we have another. We almost have 5 bedrooms (in the middle of loft conversion), have a ford S-max, I'm off work and we're doing ok on one salary. But it just seems like a huge step. I found 1 fine, 2 fine but then really struggled 3rd time round. It was all seriously hard work, I'm not sure if I could do those first 18 months of having 3 again......
I've just had my fourth. My other dcs are 9,3 and 13 months. So far it's been great, but to be fair youngest is only three weeks so there is time yet!!
The hardest thing I found was being heavily pregnant with other young children to look after especially as Ds wasn't walking so needed lifting and carrying everywhere.
I'd love another but we aren't going to have anymore. I'd say go for it if it's what you want
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