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Does this reason lend weight to having another dc?

(7 Posts)
MolotovCocktail Mon 24-Feb-14 18:56:00

I'm trying to decide whether to try for another child. We already have 2 beautiful dds aged 5yo and 22mo. Dh is very keen to have one more child; for various reasons, I'm not so sure (lifestyle, the effect of a 3rd pg and 2nd ELCS on my body).

DH and I are both only children. He has no extended family. I have recently fallen out with my extended family, and it is beyond repair.

My girls have eachother, but do you think that they perhaps now need a larger family circle? They have no cousins. It's just something that struck me today.

thereisnoeleventeen Mon 24-Feb-14 20:14:30

It's definitely something that has crossed my mind, I am one of two, my parents had collectively 7 brothers and sisters between them so growing up I took having lots of uncles, aunts and cousins for granted. They all still help each other out...I was a difficult teenager apparently and my aunt knew how to get through to me, so I'd be shipped off for a visit which I used to love.

Now I understand the work involved for both sets of Grandparents and am grateful that they went ahead and had more DC's.

imip Mon 24-Feb-14 20:57:32

Yes, I have a similar view, different reasons.

I was aged between 35 and 40 when having my 4dds. I'd like to know that when dh and I die, they all have each other. And they could share the 'burden' of us in our old age. When my grandparents died, all six of my mum's siblings were of great support, the kind of support that one or two dcs may have struggled to give.

And as outlined by op, sometimes our family relations are fractured, and I did hope the more; the merrier smile

Misfitless Mon 24-Feb-14 23:00:23

Yes, it definitely does lend weight to having more IMHO. But then I've always wanted a big family and so did DH.

I have lots of cousins approximately 30 or so, and I only keep in regular contact with one of them!

However, I do make an effort for my DCs to see as much of their cousins as possible - the ones who are close in age, at least.

I know families who have loads of cousins and as adults are still very close. Big families and large extended families are brilliant most of the time.

Very sorry to hear you've reached the point of no return with your family, OP.

QueenofKelsingra Tue 25-Feb-14 08:16:48

it does for me. DH is an 'only' with no extended family in this country. I have one sibling but they are much my junior and have no intention having a family any time in the near future! I grew up with lots of cousins and loved it and I feel bad for my DC that they don't have that so DH and I have just agreed to go for DC4 next year.

And they could share the 'burden' of us in our old age
^^ Also this. we already feel the stress of dealing with DH's crazy mother as there is no-one else to help/deflect some of the attention.

MolotovCocktail Tue 25-Feb-14 09:24:35

Thank-you for your replies. I honestly was a little woeried before reading them as I thought I'd be told I was being silly.

In my extended family, there is myself and four cousins. The two who are my age emigrated when we were children, and I last saw them about 9 years ago.

Then, I was once close with my two other, older cousins (10 and 11yr age gap). However, we were never particularly like-minded and as I've grown older (31 now), the differences have become more.

I would like things to be different - especially as my dd's have 4 second-cousins (the children of my cousins who remained in the UK) - but some very personal, hurtful words have been spoken that, for me, are unforgivable.

It is sad that it has come to this, especially as I fondly remember big family gatherings: birthdays, parties, Christmases, summer get-togerhers that were so much fun. I even loved casual meet-ups; coffee in town, that sort of thing. It was kind of like how I imagined having sisters would be.

MolotovCocktail Tue 25-Feb-14 09:35:17

Sorry, I got distracted mid-post and thought 'better press post!' in case I lost that message smile

DH and I are pretty quiet, private people. My extended family are quite the opposite and for me growing up, that was a good thing. I loved my quiet home with my parents but I also loved the chaos and buzz in my Aunt's house: people coming and going, the constant chatter.

I'm sure that with 2dcs, our home could be like that, but I didn't know whether for them now, more than one sibling would be a good thing: if one ia busy or isn't interested in doing something, there would be the other sibling.

I am still a little unsure but dh has said for about a year that he would like another child. I dont get pregnant easily/quickly (dd1 took 9m to conceive naturally; dd2 took 2 years and six cycles of clomid). I couldn't set my heart on another, iyswim.

But this does seem to be a reason in the 'pros for another baby' list smile

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