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A 2 to 3 dilemma

(9 Posts)
Eddie123 Sat 15-Feb-14 22:11:45

Ok here goes. I & my family would love a 3rd child. My ds is 5 and my dd is 3. The biggest spanner in the works is that over the last year I have worked very hard to build up my private practice as a therapist. I will need to take a step back from it for a while. This raises a few concerns for me. We're dependent on my income & I think the business may take a while to build up again once I feel able to return to it. I also don't relish the idea of pregnancy - driving 50 mile commute twice a week to see clients, feeling alert enough to focus on my clients/business (I was extremely tired with both other pregnancies). My work is with adults with mental health problems. And I'm 37, so no spring chicken! But my gut feeling is constantly telling me to go for it, even though the context doesn't look great! Can't stop thinking about it. My dh wants to do it too but also understands the dilemmas. Would love to year from anyone who has been through similar & it's all worked out ok!

lljkk Sun 16-Feb-14 17:46:52

How old are you now?

Eddie123 Sun 16-Feb-14 18:35:54

I'm 37, so getting on a bit!

lljkk Sun 16-Feb-14 20:20:05

oops, sorry you did say your age in OP. I was thinking if you were 10 yrs younger you wouldn't need to make a decision.

I dunno, Child No. 3 is my difficult one. Sometimes you need to count your blessings and not push your luck. But best for your decisions. It could work out wonderfully.

Eddie123 Mon 17-Feb-14 20:45:21


Eddie123 Mon 17-Feb-14 20:45:39


open247 Mon 17-Feb-14 22:07:34

So you and your DH want a third child. That is a great starting point! The thing is you never know how things will work out...

if the baby would be "easy", how tired you will be (also after the baby is born), how much help you will get with the kids and even around the house, what your childcare is like (also during school hols), there is more potential for fight and jealousies, how you manage without any free time, how your relationship would hold up. Basically another child it is a lot of extra pressure.

I do also think that once there is a third child, the older two need constant reassurance and a lot of extra attention and reassurance (i.e. 1 on 1 time). The demands on you and DH will be increased a lot.

Basically it is a question of how you and DH would be able to cope. In the end in life we should have a good time and not try to cope (ideally)... And this is why many people stop at two kids.

You have your own business as well, so you will have to work bloody hard and life would definitely be easier with just two kids.

But then there are so many lovely things of having three. You may just have to trust that all will be fine!

Eddie123 Tue 18-Feb-14 16:50:40

Thank you for the replies. open247 I agree that life should be enjoyed and if we have 3 I think we will just about cope. As I said the finances will be extremely tight, and we have no family support nearby. All hopes of moving somewhere a bit bigger & nice family breaks in the sun will be put on hold for a few years. These things I can live without but I guess they're the things that add to quality if life, and things we'd be lucky enough to have if we stick with two. But I think if we stick with two I'll always wonder 'what if' with a feeling of sadness.

CheshireDing Tue 18-Feb-14 19:26:48

You seem to be in the same boat as me OP. DH wants a third but I don't fancy pregnancy again (no probe either time, it's just knackering being heavy with toddlers around).

I am 37 and we have 2 year old and 10 week old. I don't know what to do either grin sad

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