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How much does your dh play with children?

(7 Posts)
workingonitagain Thu 13-Feb-14 20:50:42

Just wanted to know how much your partners do with the children. We have 3 boys and while my dp loves them a lot and showers them with toys and always thinks of them, he is not very good at playing with them in a group or even one to one and he does admit not being very good at it and he seems to get bored of them. He does work a lot of hrs and is away a lot and when he is back i always have high hopes for getting some rest of the children but i somehow always end up me playing with them as i feel sorry for them as they are always very excited to see him but he can't really deal with the sudden chaos and just ends up shouting at them... Anyone else?

MultipleMama Thu 13-Feb-14 21:29:25

DH plays with them after he finishes 9 hour shifts at work and then while I make dinner. He helps with bathtime and bedtime as we take turns. He's very hands on with parenting and does his fair share of night shifts basically him staying awake with me or helping settle DC!

He loves playing outside with them so takes them out for quality time sometime over the weekend. Once he created "baby bowling" in doors... hmm.

I think if he worked away or did a lot more hours things would be different, he'd be more exhausted from work and may not want to deal with the chaos at home when he wants to relax or maybe he'd be more excited to see them. Every father is different and I really lucked out with DH.

But I believe father's who want/wanted children and have children should bond with their kids and play with them. Work and long hours should be no excuse not to "bother" with them - they knew that when they decided to have kids.

Then again, some men find it harder to "pretend play" or interact with children because they find it awkward or don't know how.

I'd sit down with your DH and explain to him that he needs to be more involved with them and if he can't handle them on his own to help and support you and have family time together because it's not really fair on you.

That's just my 2 cents anyway.

workingonitagain Thu 13-Feb-14 21:38:46

I agree multiplemama completely! He does the same with bath time in fact he does the older 2 while i put the baby to bed. I think a lot of the times he has good intentions and sits down and wants to play but when the bickering starts he gets too involved in it then feels too exhausted and gives up then kids start to play up even more. I agree we need to work on it more. Having 3 is fairly new to us as ds3 is only 10 weeks and im also struggling a bit during the week so really counting on his help at the weekends but it's seems to be more stressful than when im on my own with the 3. Hoping it will get a bit easier soon smile

imip Fri 14-Feb-14 06:23:13

I found that when dc3 came along, dh got much 'better' with the kids. They are all close together, born within 5 yrs and 2 months. I think half of it was just not knowing what to do with the smaller ones.

He works long hours, often misses bedtime. But if he is home, we do bedtime together. After a long day at work, he finds it hard to 'switch' into kid mode. He forgets what to let go (small bad behaviour etc), and what to focus on.

We have 4 dcs now and he is good with all of them. Much better at imaginary play than me. Get out a drs kit and he will be their patient for hours. I am rubbish at that. I'm good at cooking with them, he's better taking them out for bike rides etc.

Dc3 is only small. If you have a sling, that really helped with strapping baby to me and trying to go about my normal routine. With dc3, I perfected breastfeeding in a sling!

You are all probably finding your feet with a new member to the family. It was always a stressful time for us, especially when dc4 arrived.

Mumof3xx Fri 14-Feb-14 06:39:23

I have also found my oh got better with dc 3 although u thjnk this is due to me finally letting him know exactly how I felt and that I wasn't happy

He helps with bath/bed about 3 times a week the only nights he's home in time

He often makes there tea before I am home from work and usually does school runs 3 days

After school he sometimes plays a game

workingonitagain Fri 14-Feb-14 06:55:28

thanks for that yes he is very good at taking them out every sunday to swimming while i stay with the baby and goes to the park and he helps out a lot around the house it is just that sitting down and paying attention to the kids that he struggles and soon finds himself getting distracted and on his phone/ipad. it is the same here imip he says he finds it very hard to switch off into kids mode and by the time he is able to its sunday evening smile

QueenofKelsingra Sat 15-Feb-14 13:15:49

DH does breakfast with all 3 every morning (except sunday). he helps with bath and bed for the DTs and does DS1's bedtime every night. He often takes DS1 out for walks at the weekend. he plays with them all as soon as he gets in from work (I tend to have to remind him to change first so his work clothes don't get wrecked!) if he has a later meeting he will take DS1 to pre-school. he has all 3 for a couple of hours each weekend so I can ride my horse. He prefers to play with the 4yo but is getting better with the DTs now they are getting older and can interact/communicate better. he is playing 'keepie uppie' with balloons with the 3 of them while I type this!

he does get very stressed with them if they interrupt while he's on the computer (usually looking at sport stuff) but generally he's fab with them. I couldn't be a SAHM if he didn't step up and get involved when he is home, I need a bit of respite!!

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