When is enough enough???(27 Posts)
Hi all, the situation is this DP and I have 3 children (eldest not biologically DP's but may as well be as involved from DS only being very young & no contact with "biological" father).
Our youngest is only 5months we had said this was our last (I promised DP this was our last)!! Although I am completely knackered I can't help but have a desire for another baby - not now but in the future I've never wanted my baby's very close together, but when do you decide enough is enough?? Will I always want another? Then another??
I have a fulfilling career and plenty of interests outside of the home so why this desire to keep adding to our family??
I have three. I always wanted more. DH wanted two. After much, much discussion he eventually agreed to number three. I knew it wasn't fair to pressurise him into having more, he threw himself into having n
Dc3 once he had committed, and I couldn't have asked it of him again.
My number would have been 4 or 5, I think.
It takes a loooong time for that broody feeling to go!
I remember being out with DC1, an older lady (in her 80's) asked how old my baby was, I said 4 months. She said, ah, thats when you have to be careful, they are so adorable at that age that it makes you want another!
That said we seemed to have an ideal number before we'd had any DC's at all which was crazy. We'd say things like, well when we have 4 DC's...
For various reasons
and mainly persuaded by family members we 'decided' to stop at 2. Neither of our hearts was in the decision though and DC3 came along, followed (all being well) by DC4 in the summer.
4 will definitely be enough, I am over the moon to be doing it all again for one last time (I don't think my poor body could do it again).
"so why this desire to keep adding to our family??"
As lljk said.... hormones.
I think it depends on the family...
For out family 3 will be enough, I'm gonna get done do there can be no more...even being pg with nber 3 now I already know if keep going & going... That us not right for our family & the children we already have
Funnily enough just after I posted this I found another thread saying almost exactly the same thing!! General consensus seems to be hormones & some women just being like that (broody) a lot of the time!!
I often envy friends who say they never want to do it again as it's a very overwhelming desire at times!
Interesting that it seems frowned upon as well the suggestion of a fourth & how people can say I think you're mad having 3!
I have 5, emotionally I think I will always want another (and another, and another).
Practically I know it's just not possible, I work full time, we have a horse who has to be fed and watered daily, I also do all of the admin for the OH's business and the general housework/homework/taxi services etc.
Doesn't stop me hoping for an accident each month though
At least I'm not the only the one then, DP just says look how knackered we are how could you possibly want another, we have little family support due to living away from them all so we do it all by ourselves which is hard but the desire is still there!!
Maybe it will change when I'm back at work after mat leave! Or maybe not - Dp refuses the snip so maybe he secretly wants another one to haha!
I feel the same Boo. My DC3 is 3 months and I would love another one. I can see that things will be more difficult when I go back to work (part time 3 days), but at the moment it's just lovely.
I would happily give up work at the moment if we could afford it, but it's one of these jobs/careers that I'd never be able to get back into and I do wonder if I'm going wake up from my hormonal haze on a few years and wonder what the hell I was thinking!
Also our house would start to be a squeeze and I worry about how we would afford things when they are teenagers/ young adults... Pretty sure DH would not be keen anyway.
But, it doesn't help the broodiness, does it?
I have 3 and would like another. My youngest is 2 and a half now and I am still broody, although I am able to forget about it at times due to the craziness! I had them very close together - 13 month and 22 month gaps - so this is by far the longest I have gone without giving in to the broodiness!
Maybe it's something you begin to live with? I'm in v similar situation moon as work part time which is best of both worlds! House would be a squeeze if added another although sometimes feels full now & that is part of what I enjoy the business!!
I have 3 ds's & dread people thinking we would be trying for a girl as that is not my motivation at all - that's a bother thread altogether though!
Who knows what the future holds I am going to just enjoy what I have for now & be glad I've got a coil firmly in place so no temptation for "accidents"
DH and I always knew we want at least 4 and luck would have it that my third PG was twins however we didn't feel our family was complete and tried for one more... we ended up with twins. Now, with 6 beautiful children we have decided to try for one more in the summer and the revisit the subject in 5-10 years. I am still young and so is DH so we are not ruling anything out or closing our options as who knows what are future years will be like.
Of course we have to factor in our finances and housing and educations before even thinking of having more DC. Plus our time and ability to cope or it just wouldn't be fare on the DC.
Wow you really are multiple mama!!! What sort of age gaps do you have between them?
I have 5 beautiful dc & personally the feeling of wanting another baby can be very strong. For some, I think it doesn't ever completely go.
I'm just very fertile! Conceived DC on 1st or 2nd go during the first week of TTC!
Roughly, 29 months between ds1 & dd1.- Big gap as I was only 18 when I had ds1
Roughly, 17 months between dd1 & ds2&3.
Roughly, 13 months between ds2&3 & dd2&ds4.
Eldest is 5yo & youngest are 17wo(8wo adj.)
How do you do it?! I have 4 in total but (only ) 1 set of twins (20 months). I am exhausted!
6 children aged 5 and under and I'd sink, which is why dh has had a vasectomy!!
I know, I hate when people ask me how I cope because you just do but hats off to you.
"For some, I think it doesn't ever completely go."
I think this is true. The feeling only went for me once I'd passed through menopause.
Most of it is just luck & guessing! I've given up on daytime planning and routines! I never thought the jump from 2 to 4 wouldn't be that bad but holy moley was I wrong! 5 & 6 just blended into the chaos . I can't wait for ds1 & dd1 to start school in August!!
Wow! two sets of twins, thats amazing!
With the 'are you trying for a girl?' comments, I don't think that you can win either way, our oldest 2 are a girl and a boy. We get comments from people not understanding why we would have more since we have one of each .
DH's family said congratulations when I feel pg with DC's 1 and 2, but after that there were no more 'congratulations'.
Haha I think MIL would keel over if we told her we were having anther one!!!
Yes you probably can't win although I know a woman who has 6 she had ds first then dd second followed by 3 boys then a girl to finish with she openly told everyone she wanted 2 dd's & was going to carry on til she had the second dd!!!
Id happily have 2 boys but I'm going to try & stop myself having anymore as I think I will always want more & have promised dp our last was our last!!
health stopped us. And I was really, really gutted at first. But now I'm quite content. Sometimes circumstances overtake you.
#7 will be my last for a while. 2 twin PGs in 2 years plus TTC this year is gunna pushing my womb, my body will need a good well deserved rest afterwards!
We also plan to adopt in future too, so that's one less PG ;)
For me 3 is enough! Ds3 is 10 weeks. He has fitted right in my problem is the other 2 boys 4 and 2. I feel like i lost control and patience over them and i don't like feeling this way. Hoping spring and the sun will cheer me up! Look forward to starting living life rather than just getting through the days!
Wow you sound like you're doing a fab job no way could i cope with a 4yr old & a 2yr old & a baby - my older two boys are 12 & 4!!! I'm sure you havnt lost any control over them maybe just don't underestimate the impact a new baby has had on them & things will all settle down again! Are they nearly 3 & 5 or literally just turned 2 & 4!!!
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